savetheearth | [video]

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[Alan looks terrible, like he hasn't slept for a couple of days. (That would be because he hasn't.) He's still feeling nervous about bringing up the scorpion encounter and potentially having to mention his weird outburst, but he figures the network should know about it. Might as well do it now, when he's too tired to care much.]

Uh, hey. There was this big purple scorpion...thing running around the other night? It stung people and made them laugh like morons for hours.

[He yawns and rubs at his eyes, then takes a sip of coffee.]

Anyway, it was following Octavia and she led it to my house because for some reason she thought I might have a gun and, uh, we killed it. Together. It was a team effort. Go us.

That's pretty much it, just though you guys might want to hear about it.

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I WOULD HAVE FOUND SOME OTHER WAY THAT WOULDN'T RESULT IN THINGS DYING, OKAY?
THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE.

So why do you own a gun. 8|

for the deterrence.

Giant scorpions don't know what guns are, so they ain't deterred by them. 8|

i bet they're scared of loud noises!

People screamed at it a LOT and it didn't scare it off. 8|

screams sound like prey!
guns sound like terror!

CAN YOU JUST ADMIT THAT ALAN ISN'T A PSYCHO AND HE IS A HERO ALREADY.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

YOU ARE RIDICULOUS AND IF I HAD DIED YOU WOULD BE SO FUCKING SORRY ABOUT IT AND YOU WOULD HAVE BLAMED ALAN FOR NOT KILLING THE SCORPION HOW ARE YOU EVEN BREATHING.

THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN SO I'M JUST GOING TO BLAME HIM FOR INSECTICIDE.

YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING HYPOCRITE.

I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU MORE.

I HATE YOU THE MOST.

WILL YOU GUYS JUST FUCK ALREADY.

no

You know that thing I said that one time about always getting what I want

Remember that

i

i dont believe you

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no

Edited (no) 2013-07-26 20:14 (UTC)

But

no buts or butts

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I HATE YOU MORE THAN THAT.

I HATE YOU TIMES INFINITY.

I HATE YOU TIMES INFINITY PLUS ONE.

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