savetheearth | [video]

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[video]

[Alan looks terrible, like he hasn't slept for a couple of days. (That would be because he hasn't.) He's still feeling nervous about bringing up the scorpion encounter and potentially having to mention his weird outburst, but he figures the network should know about it. Might as well do it now, when he's too tired to care much.]

Uh, hey. There was this big purple scorpion...thing running around the other night? It stung people and made them laugh like morons for hours.

[He yawns and rubs at his eyes, then takes a sip of coffee.]

Anyway, it was following Octavia and she led it to my house because for some reason she thought I might have a gun and, uh, we killed it. Together. It was a team effort. Go us.

That's pretty much it, just though you guys might want to hear about it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED

KARSON ONLY TAKLS SHIT EVER DNO'T LISTEN

WHY WOULD I LISTEN TO HIM

BECASUE TIRED INBRAS ARE VULNERABLE BRAINS

IM NOT SO TIRED THAT IM GOING TO THINK THERES SOMETHING GOING ON WHEN THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON. AND EVEN IF THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON THAT WAS LIKE THE LEAST ROMANTIC SITUATION IN THE UNIVERSE.

STOP SAYING "EVEN IF" THERE IS NO EVWNR IF AAKRSN IS FULLL OF SHTI ALL SHIT 100% SHIT

OKAY FINE YES HE IS 100% FULL OF SHIT I CAN AGREE WITH THAT

OK OK WE'RE COOL RGHTGI WE'RE COOL FRIEDNS WHO ARE COOL AND NOT ERUINED

RIGHT YES NOTHING IS RUINED EVERYTHING IS FINE

OK. Ok. Okay.
Good! Fine. Great. Super super great.
(If Karson is still bugging you then tell him you have a crush on him it's working great for me. That is a friend tip! From me. Your friend.)

N
NO
IM NOT GOING TO DO THAT

But it works!
I either made him cry or pop EVERY BONER. Idk which but it's basically the most amazing thing.

(I mean being friendmean to Karson. Not Karson's boner.)

(I hate everything I want to die)

this is the worst post ever

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ACTUAL PHONE TEXT???!!;

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ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

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DON'T WATCH HER TWERK, DON'T DO IT.
SHE'S GOING TO BUST OUT THE MOVES SOON, I CAN FEEL IT.

THATS IT IM OUT OF HERE

WAIT NO IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE BEFORE YOU LEAVE

STILL NOT LEAVING.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

YOU.
YOU ARE WRONG WITH ME.

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

IT MEANS I AM THE HUNTER AND YOU ARE THE PROBLEMS.

THAT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE

YOU ARE THE PROBLEMS.

YOURE THE ONE TALKING SHIT ALL OVER MY POST.

IT'S MY POST NOW, BITCH.

YOU CANT JUST STEAL SOMEONES POST LIKE THAT.

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