[video]

[wirsinddiejager]

[Alan looks terrible, like he hasn't slept for a couple of days. (That would be because he hasn't.) He's still feeling nervous about bringing up the scorpion encounter and potentially having to mention his weird outburst, but he figures the network should know about it. Might as well do it now, when he's too tired to care much.]

Uh, hey. There was this big purple scorpion...thing running around the other night? It stung people and made them laugh like morons for hours.

[He yawns and rubs at his eyes, then takes a sip of coffee.]

Anyway, it was following Octavia and she led it to my house because for some reason she thought I might have a gun and, uh, we killed it. Together. It was a team effort. Go us.

That's pretty much it, just though you guys might want to hear about it.

Comments

text;

[enrages]

look, if you're going to plan on testing his psycho, include me in it.
if you get destroyed, i'm going to feel ridiculously guilty.
i should at least
i don't know
be there to see you die or something.

text;

[drama8om8]

Are you concerned?
Because 1) that's adorable and 2) then you should be able to see how trustworthy Alan must be for me to go to these lengths unsupervised!

text;

[enrages]

you might trust him, but i don't.
so i might be kinda sorta a little bit maybe not really concerned.
so just
keep me in the know with your plan and i'll help you out, okay?

text;

[drama8om8]

How can I tell you the plan without him seeing it? Like is there a private function on this piece of shit.

text;

[enrages]

here's my phone number
[ here's his phone number ]

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT???!!;

[drama8om8]

How do you feel
about
surprise fakey-fake muggings in the dark.
8D

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[enrages]

that is such a dumb idea, but it might actually work.
alan and i were planning on locking him in a room with a wild cat, which we could still use as an alternative.
can you buy wild cats?

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[drama8om8]

 

 

 

If you could buy wild cats they wouldn't be wild, you stupid sack of shit.

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[enrages]

there's a difference between buying an animal and domesticating it!

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[drama8om8]

YOU CAN'T BUY WILD CATS OKAY OH MY GOD. Google said so.

*Muggings are the answer.* Do you have one of those skimask dealies?

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[enrages]

why the hell would i have one?!
just because i'm italian, it doesn't mean that i'm ready to rob people at whatever chance i get!

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[drama8om8]

I was asking because now I know I have to get YOU one too, dude, calm your boyboobs.

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[enrages]

what if the police catches you buying them.
people only buy those things when they're going to commit crimes right?

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[drama8om8]

I have money, I'll tell them I'm going skiing.
Or we could buy socks and cut holes in them? Really big socks????????

ACTUAL PHONE TEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;

[enrages]

we are not wearing socks over our heads, oh my god.
just get the ski masks.

[ i had a pink one when i was little ]