Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

[dead_black_eyes]

[The man appearing onscreen this morning is haggard, somber, and distracted. Clearly, he's been awake all night, something he's been doing far too often lately, sitting curled in the middle of what appears to be a cleaned up but ancient school gymnasium's basketball court with his chin on his knees. A few feet away is a blue tarp hiding something sizable and lumpy.]

I know Albero's people are striking Espresso Yourself, early on the morning of Sunday, November 23, at 3:15 AM. They will be there to raze the building to the ground and they do not intend to take prisoners.

[He bites his lip, glancing away from the camera. The calmness he's affected since Anthony's death slips for a second, revealing something like fear. He swallows.]

I've been waiting for a pulse. I was hoping that maybe my other's experience and knowledge could help me, in this regard, but up to this point... it's been all quiet on that front.

[He rises slowly, moving towards the tarp and drawing it away from what it conceals. There are many pounds of dynamite stacked in the middle of his gym, along with several ominous looking canisters.]

I have dynamite and nitroglycerin. I think...

[He takes a deep, shuddering breath.]

I know we can kill a lot of them. Part of me really wants to, and I can't be the only one. But I know... I know that's not what we're fighting for, a criminal record of our own and another reason to be driven out of this city. So...

[He sits again, hard, on the floor, eyes and posture conveying a distinctly dazed quality.]

I think maybe it would be better to use this information to get the FBI on this and catch them in the act, with no blood shed. I'm prepared for both of these scenarios, but honestly... I don't know what's right. I'm so tired. I trust all of you, so... please help me make the right decision.

EDIT: I've been informed that Nick knows about another upcoming opportunity, a chance to hit the Mafia where it hurts. There's to be a meeting of higher-ups in the near future; further details are forthcoming.

Comments

[feastorfamine]

... Everyone's already told you that you should contact people. Tell them what's going to happen.

I agree with them, sir. And not just because it's the smart thing to do... I don't want you to lose your business.

[dead_black_eyes]

Don't worry. I am, in fact, listening to reason and doing just that. I think it's going to be OK.

There are more important things to lose than a business, and right now my only preoccupation is making sure that more of ours aren't dying.

[feastorfamine]

I know, it's just... you've lost so much already, Mr. Lawliet. I don't want you to lose anymore.

[of course, she doesn't say anything about what she's lost...]

[dead_black_eyes]

Things can be replaced. I don't mourn the loss of things. But people are more important, and I'd throw everything away myself if I could protect even one of the people who are going through this.

Wouldn't you?

[feastorfamine]

... I don't know.

That's basically what my brother did. He sacrificed himself to protect me. If it came down to it, and there were no other way... I would like to think I'd go that far for someone.

But only if it was the only option.

... does putting it that way make me a coward?

[dead_black_eyes]

No, it doesn't make you a coward. It makes you smart; only a complete idiot would throw their life away for no reason.

Your brother wouldn't have made that sacrifice if he didn't love you very much and consider it a worthwhile trade for your life. To him, it was the only option, and I think that some people have something they care about enough to be pushed to that point.

I think that the people who do are extremely lucky. It's a profound thing to love something enough to die for it.

[feastorfamine]

...

[when Amy replies next, she's sniffling a bit and her voice is cracking]

Mr. Lawliet... th...thank you...

[that might have had a more profound effect than you realize, L]

[dead_black_eyes]

[Incidentally, he does not realize.]

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry...

[feastorfamine]

No no! It's fine! Really! I just...

... I'm... I'm glad to hear something like that. I knew it already, but hearing it from someone else... it puts it in perspective...

[dead_black_eyes]

[That's good, right? He allows himself to relax slightly. He's pretty out of it today, admittedly, and it's difficult to tell where his mood should lie and whether or not he's saying horrible things or people are just reacting horribly.]

Yeah, I... actually understand that. Sometimes just hearing something from someone else is enough to make it feel real, even if you already know it.

[It's a big part of the reason he asked everyone what he should do tonight actually.]

[feastorfamine]

[Amy nods, continuing]

I... I've been trying to keep my head up, but... Daretha in particular helped me realize that it's not good to be dishonest about how you actually feel. So I'm learning you don't need to feel bad about crying, too...

[dead_black_eyes]

No, you don't need to feel bad about crying.

[A little hypocritical, considering he hasn't cried since childhood. But L famously does not hold himself to the standards of others.]

ugh. that typo on Saretha's name

[feastorfamine]

Right. So... thank you again. Seriously, I truly do appreciate it.

Happens to all of us no worries <3

[dead_black_eyes]

If you want to cry more I will watch, if it would make you feel better.

[Yeah it's probably come to the point where the moment's past and he doesn't quite realize it yet.]

[feastorfamine]

Heh... no. It's alright. I think I'm good.

[if only L were someone Amy were capable of being mad at]

[dead_black_eyes]

If that changes, don't hesitate to let me know.

[Yeah, he can be like that.]