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Hello, everyone! My name is Tiresias, but those who really know me can call me Akrana Drakozar.

Since I was young, I was always plagued by the feeling that there was always something missing from my life. I kept getting weird flashes of memory and the odd sensation of phantom limbs. It was like I wasn't just me, but rather someone else -- perhaps even in a past life!

It took a few years of soul-searching, I awakened to the knowledge that I bear the soul of a *~*crystal rainbow dragon*~*, but I can shift into a variety of forms, such as a celestial xerfilstyx, a winged foxtiger, a clockwork vampiric hydra, and a flumph.

It seems Akrana Drakozar was the first Incandescent Dragon Lord of the Bringer-of-Ashes tribe of dragons. He gave the gifts of knowledge and learning to the Blessed Platinum Empire of Quxuxex. He was the sole bearer of the Silverclaw Ruby Emeralds, which allowed him to walk the planes in whatever guise he chose. I'm sure there's more out there, but I have not yet been able to tap into the memories of my draconic soul, and of course Earth human literature is going to be of no help in my research.

It's so good to find out that I'm not the only person who feels like this! It's nice to find a place where I can truly be myself. ;]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oh sweet jesus why

This is a question that I've often asked myself, too! Why would a poor, sweet, innocent child inherit the soul of one of the most magnificent dracosoul to have ever been created by the Holy Crystal Dragon Mother herself? What could I possibly do with the legacy of the First Protector of the Allsoul Graveyard? Surely he could have chosen a much more appropriate vessel!

I can only reach one conclusion.

I have been put here to fulfill some sort of destiny.

that destiny is obviously being twelve shades of batshit INSANE.
you are the champion of crazyass motherfuckers, and as you ascend to your multisworded, completely unpractical throne, you will look down on all those below you with delight in your eyes, for you will know
you will fucking know
deep down inside
that all this shit you just vomited onto our network is a goddamn blight, and it's a crime against humanity to make me read it.

either that or your destiny is to make up some dumbshit game that competes with D&D, and through sheer batshit insane, puts the entire D&D nerd empire out of business so you may reign as the economically supreme nerd.
the uber nerd, if you will.

it's one of those two destinies.
i'll give you a hint as to which one's more accurate.
(it's the one where you're just a crazy 40 year old in his mother's basement slobbering fantasy scenarios onto an unwitting and completely innocent network)

Who says it's an either-or situation?

See, that's the beauty of this whole thing. People will never stop responding to stuff like this! They are utterly fascinated by trainwrecks; they will take every opportunity to gawk and laugh. There will never be a moment where people will not flock to see what I have to say next.

One day, I will be published. Perhaps it will be a comic book. Maybe it will even be a roleplaying source book, just like you said! It will not matter -- their rampant curiosity will draw them like moths to the flame. They will pay, shell out actual physical money (or pay online via credit card, I'm not picky) for the privilege of reading my writings. It doesn't matter if they think it's batshit of the highest degree or actually really great work (it will be the latter, of course): I will climb the whole mountain; I will be the star.

Money and influence, my friend. That's all it takes to start building an empire. Akrana Drakozar will rise again.

holy fuck that's brilliant.
why is it brilliant
it shouldn't be brilliant
but
it explains how the westboro baptist church makes all their money.
it explains how PETA functions.
it explains glenn beck.
all forms of media attention are good.
and with a trainwreck, you'll cater to the lowest denominators-- the teenagers who have nothing better to do than spend large sums of their parents' money.
you'll have so much money, you'll be able to produce movies.
which then caters to the lowest of the lowest denominators-- the common, every day movie goer who chooses to buy tickets to grown ups 2 as opposed to other. higher quality films.
you'll have your empire, and they'll start selling your toys at mcdonalds with happy meals and i'll see commercials on, advertising your gimmick dragons, and
and
and
i dont want to live in this world

Amazing, isn't it? Almost foolproof, if I say so myself! There's almost no situation in which I do not win somehow. And if there is, by the time it is enacted, it will simply be too late. All attention, whether positive or negative, feeds into my plan. All it takes is for people to not not respond to me. Just that little thing!

And I know for a fact that's the one thing they just can't do.

what if
what if i beat you to the trainwreck?
i wreck my train before you ever get yours on the tracks?
a world dominated by my own trainwreck is far superior to anything you could ever create.

Scientifically incorrect!

It is a well-documented fact that everyone, no matter their race, religion, political leaning, or taste in will drop all their own fighting at the first hint of a furry or otherkin in order to hate on them!

My trainwreck has been on the tracks for quite a while. I don't think there's any way you can derail it to replace it with your own before I enact my master plan. ;]

i must create my own fursona.
a fursona to beat your shitty one into economic submission.
and once im at the cusp of nerd imperialism, ill explode my empire, destroying yours and any other furry-dominated markets.

That would be quite the show! Two indescribably terrible furries duking it out for the right to claim the entire otherkin economy for their own devices. It would be a singularity of shittiness and rainbows and probably sparkles.

That is, if you can pull it off.

And I don't think you can.

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