006 | Video [dated 30/6]

[abhero]

[After a week of radio silence, Emil is broadcasting from his room. He’s without a hat today, horn visible through his blonde hair. He also gave up the contacts, showing his now red eyes. People who know him might notice he’s more subdued than usual, but then again he almost got murdered violently.]

You all heard about that mob incident in Vegas. Some of you probably have questions, so… here goes.

[A pause. He looks very serious.]

Yes, it was a lot like being in a zombie movie, except these guys weren’t rotting and they didn’t try to eat my brain. Also, little old ladies are strangely strong. Walkers are deadly weapons, it’s scary.

[Sigh.]

Anyway. The cultists are having a field day with this. I thought going back to Locke would get them off my back but they keep sending me these facebook messages. I think some of them are supposed to be encouraging but it’s just creepy as fuck:

”Face your true self.”

“You let us down you’re an asshole”. This guy spelled “you’re” wrong. Dick.

“Work harder exclamation mark exclamation mark. You’re a child of the shell exclamation mark exclamation mark exclamation mark exclamation mark” and so on. Next.

”The great lobster is displeased”, “Sorry if I hit you” - huh, that’s nice actually - “That horn is really cute”, “Don’t be afraid just look inside”, “You owe me a new megaphone” - uh. [He looks away, sheepish.] This one has a point... anyway, you get the picture. I got like dozens of these. It’s really annoying.

[He rubs his eyes. Now it’s obvious he’s trying hard to keep up appearance.]

I dunno. There’s always a chance of outing yourself but I wish it was nicer than failed cult icon and “demon kid destroys a fountain.”

[And he turns off the video.]

Comments

[abhero]

I got beat up pretty good, but I heal fast. I'm fine.

[Physically. Emotionally he's a hot mess.]

[senseandcecilbility]

[Cecil helps messed up kids with their homework during his free time, so in spite of being socially incompetent, he has learned one thing or two.]

...He was trying to murder you. With zombies.

[That seemed really personal.]

[abhero]

Yeah. What's your point?

[senseandcecilbility]

I am not quite sure one can heal fast from that.

[abhero]

I can. It's one of my superpowers. Didn't even need a doctor.

[senseandcecilbility]

[Well, young man, this the sound of a very small sigh.]

...


[An this is the face of disbelief.]

[abhero]

What's with that face? I'm not gonna hurt myself to prove it to you.

[senseandcecilbility]

I don't want you to.

[ His voice implies that if Emil tried that, he might feel compelled to take the next plane to Locke City and scold him in person. ]

Are you under the supervision of responsible adults?

[abhero]

[He huffs, clearly annoyed by the question. Brats will be brats.]

I'm home. With my family.

[That is, a very worried mom and grandparents who own guns.]

[senseandcecilbility]

[Brats will be brats indeed. And Cecil wonders if Emil's family qualifies as "responsible". He knows his didn't.]

Have the social workers evaluated you yet? Therapists?

[abhero]

[He crosses his arms.]

I have to get counseling, now will you knock it off with the interrogation?!

[senseandcecilbility]

[Boy comes to his city, destroys a fountain and is peeved about being interrogated.]

If you do not wish others to pry, do not post things on the internet. [Technically, it is a network, but close enough.] Anyway, do you wish help with delivering that new megaphone? I live here. I can easily take it to the right person.

[abhero]

[Sorry Cecil. Boy has an attitude problem.]

The guy strangled me, the only megaphone I'll get him is one that makes funny noises. [Thank you Matt for this idea.] If he wants a real one he can ask Russel. He's the one who took it in the first place.

[senseandcecilbility]

[He can see that. It displeases him.]

Damaged property is still damaged property. However, if you are not sending him anything, that is fine.

[Because Cecil feared the cultists might try to use the package to track the boy down.]

[abhero]

He can ask the DA to add it to my other property damage charges.

[It may have been self defence, but you can't destroy a fountain, wreck a part of a hotel entrance, make holes in the sidewalk and then get away with nothing.]

Which I helped cleaning up, by the way.

[senseandcecilbility]

[Well...

That was actually

nice.]

My apologies for not helping. We were busy with Lake Bellagio.

[His hair still stinks of dead lobster.]

[abhero]

Oh yeah. I saw the videos, it was like Birdemic but with crabs.

And uh, it's probably for the best there weren't more Numbers there. The weirdos are all over the place, looking for the head lobster or something. Some of em think I ruined its lair...

[senseandcecilbility]

They have been following me for a while. They consider me holy or something equally ridiculous. I believe most of them have given up by now.

[ Because Cecil's major skill is being incredibly boring.]

The fountain was the head lobster's lair?

[abhero]

[Emil is jealous. Holy is better than misguided demon kid, and he doubts they'd give up on him so fast.]

I'm not sure there's even a head lobster in the first place.

[senseandcecilbility]

[It is so not. It is not only cultists following him. Priests, monks, tv evangelists, children, old ladies...

Fortunately, even them get bored. Sooner or later.]

...Let's hope that is the case.

[The idea of an unreasonably giant lobster on his delivery route makes him shiver with outrage.]

[abhero]

Yeah. I don't want some - some monster mother crab going after me because I made her kids homeless or something.

[senseandcecilbility]

Even if it existed and was angry enough to hunt you down, I do not believe it would manage to cross the desert.

[On the other hand, you can keep your hypothetical giant snakes. It is only fair.]

[abhero]

It could travel underground!

[senseandcecilbility]

T-there is no such thing as underground lobsters!

[He refuses to accept a world where underground lobsters exist.]

[abhero]

Maybe there is! If there are aliens and superheroes and magical internet, why not underground lobsters!! It can travel through sewers and underground rivers!