024 ♦ Video

[peacefulwinter]

[Monday afternoon. Winter's on the screen, looking better than before but still not 100%. This... isn't her room, though. Where is she...?]

I have... a little bit of a problem. I had a talk with someone a couple of d-days ago, and I'm not sure what to do anymore. There are things I want to do, but I don't want to put... my important people at risk. I've already almost lost someone dear to me because I was careless. I never- [She has to stop for a second; it came out a little too choked for her to continue.] I never want to have to experience that again. But I...

I'm sorry, I'm no-not really making sense. I want us to return to Las Vegas, once everything is said and done. There are still too many people that are going to be at too high of a risk without... someone to help keep them safe. But can I do that? Am I... being too selfish by wanting to go there again? Am I putting them at risk? I know I'm not forcing anyone to go, but... it's so dangerous, just like it was here. I don't know if it's something I can ask anyone to do. But I can't go alone. I'm not strong enough to do anything by myself. I know that, by now. Still... if I don't have to put them in harm's way, I want to. My friends haven't done anything wrong, either - they shouldn't have to pay for my desires.

I don't... I'm not sure what to do. Part of me knows that, sooner or later, someone has to go, and there's no real reason it can't be us. I just don't know if I can r-really ask them to follow me again, after what happened last time. Am I being too selfish? Or am I just overthinking it? Or... mmn.

I guess I'm just not confident about all of this. Not after what happened before. I don't... know what to do.

[After a second, she makes a frustrated sound, before shutting off the feed.]

Comments

[lackinginfaith]

Don't worry.

action;

[alilyinthemoonslight]

[ Not long after, Lily's standing in the doorway to her room. She holds her formerly injured arm, frowning a little bit. ]

Winter...

[ A slight sigh, and she moves in towards her. ]

You know, from the very beginning... You asked me what I had wanted to do. Remember? If I wanted to go. You even said if I hadn't wanted to, you wouldn't either, at the time.

[ She tries to smile a bit sadly. ] I know, I can't... criticize, if the situation had been reversed, I'd feel the same way, Winter. But... going there in the first place was a decision we both made.

video; i'm sorry in advance.

[sucrosity]

[ The expression directed at the video can only be described as a mix between teenage attitude and a callous sort of intense. ]

If there's a job to do, and you want to do it, just ask. If they can't follow you because they think you screwed up, they'll stay back.

[ A sigh. ] Look, you broadcasting how insecure you are over the Network isn't exactly making you the sort of leader people can have confidence in. [ Oh, ouch. ] Better to go back with a plan to save people, instead of wanting to just dick around in Vegas.

video;

[purestambition]

[ Saretha's lips are a thin line as she observes the video. ]

You didn't think you would avoid anyone ever being hurt, did you?

Video + Text Via Scrabble Board

[guitar_case_vagabond]

[Here's a brand new sight. Senketsu shows up on the video, blinking over the feed with his single eye. After a few moments of consideration, he looks down at the board and his sleeves start moving, spelling out the words on tile at a time.]

A-R-E Y-O-U A-F-R-A-I-D W-I-N-T-E-R

[You'll have to excuse the lack of punctuation. The game doesn't come with that.]

[blastiaobsessieanonymous]

... Er, Winter, if I can make a guess?

[peacefulwinter]

Kari, you can't just tell me not to worry! I am worried! After w-what happened, of course I'm going to be worried! I-! [She cuts herself off hard; Kari didn't do anything wrong.]

I'm trying not to freak out. But I... I still worry, all the time.

[lackinginfaith]

That's understandable. Breathe, kid. Didn't you say we're a team, doing this together?

[peacefulwinter]

We are, but... how do I lead a team if I can't see past the chance I'll get someone hurt?

[lackinginfaith]

It's good that you're at least considering it. Just don't go too far that way and get caught up in it.

You and Lily do go well together. You're both too responsible for your own good and take everything upon yourselves until you burst.

[feastorfamine]

If you think you should go, you should go. I can't say whether the justification you're giving is right or not... I don't know anything about this upstanding moral stuff.

But it matters to you, and I believe people should put everything into what they care about.

... Even if certain people give you a hard time.

Voice

[icy_heavens]

You keep doing that. Quit it. [The blaming yourself, he means. He's just being way more careful about phrasing this time.

[And after a moment . . .] Yeah, you're overthinking.

[peacefulwinter]

I know. I just... I tried my very best, and I still got you hurt. Got you almost killed. It is so hard to think about going back. I... I could get you hurt again, Lily. My hesitation a-almost cost you so, so much... can I really take us back again? When we didn't even really do anything?

[alilyinthemoonslight]

[ Lily's hand tightens on her right arm. Her eyes shimmer with a look that says, "stop blaming yourself," and "I made mistakes too." She's probably said it more than enough for a couple weeks now, but... For the moment, she just continues to cross the distance between them until she can finally reach out - with her right arm - to place a hand on her shoulder. ]

You know I understand, right? I... didn't do much better. I pushed and I tried and I wanted to do everything I could, and I just ended up hurting myself... I pushed you when I shouldn't have, and was just too- I thought I could do more than I could, but...

[ She closes her eyes for a moment, thinking. To everything that's happened lately, to everything that's been said. ] You are right about what you said, when you spoke with Matt the other day. Whatever you do, I will follow you to it, Jasmine will follow me, but... [ She opens her eyes, and doesn't look... as confident as she wants. ] We're not going to hold you back, we're... going to be that much more careful from now on, okay...?

[ She doesn't sound as confident as she wants, either. She's scared, if she were to be completely honest. It probably shows in her eyes. She's less scared of her own safety - though that's there, as much as she tries to ignore it - but more of hurting Winter. Or Jasmine. Or their friends. Of being anything that could hold her back, or weigh her down. ] We can't simply... sit by, right...?

[peacefulwinter]

That's the problem. There are people that will follow me even if I ask them to stay behind. Those are the people that I'm m-most concerned with. I want to do the job, but I don't want to get someone killed.

I know I'm not really... the most confident of leaders. But that doesn't surprise anyone, does it? I want to make sure everything g-goes well, but I don't know how to do that. There's... no way to do that research while I'm here. To make a plan without knowing what's there. Is there...?

[sucrosity]

[ She rolls her eyes. ] If they're that stubborn about it, then it's your job to fake it until you make it. If they're following you into trouble, then they know what might happen. They don't want you to die, either. You watch their backs, and they watch yours. All you can do is be careful - and trust them to keep their own heads above water.

Nobody cares if you're confident all the time. I think everybody worries they're doing a crappy job. But telling all of us you don't trust your teammates to keep themselves alive? That seems insulting. [ She's on a roll, now. ] There's a whole network of people here and in Vegas. Ask for help that actually means something! Ask for information, ask for what's going on, and dig into stuff. We've got fans all over the internet, they've got to have stuff you can use. You've been to Vegas, you remember what it was like. Stop worrying about what might happen and worry about what you can do.

audio

[dragon_blossom]

...you're learning. You overthink everything, I'll tell you that right now, but you're gonna keep getting better at this leadership thing.

Anyways, even young and stupid and sometimes getting hurt we're still some of the only people who can protect... you know, people. There's bound to be more danger here too, so staying here isn't gonna keep us out of trouble.

Come up with the plans and we'll tell you if we think they're bad anyways. Which we usually don't, because they usually aren't.

[peacefulwinter]

Maybe not. But I wanted to try.

And even then... I thought s-someone would get hurt when we had something to fight for. Not when we went out for cake mix and frosting.

[peacefulwinter]

Afraid? I... [She doesn't even think to question Raye's uniform talking through a Scrabble board. Absently she hopes it's Super Scrabble; he'll have more letters to work with.]

Maybe I am. I just don't want to g-get anyone else hurt. I... don't want to make a bad decision and put everyone at risk. Everyone expects more of me than that. And... everyone is too important to me for that.

[peacefulwinter]

Yes, it's me... um. Guess about what?

[blastiaobsessieanonymous]

Your confidence may be kinda wrecked right now, but you do honestly know what you need to do. And you intend to do it.

I get the sense plenty of things will happen here too, though...

[peacefulwinter]

[Oh hey, she recognizes this number. Her tone's a little frosty, but she's trying.]

I'm trying. There are... a lot of variables. Most of them, I ca-can't control. But... the ones that I can, I need to make sure I do. Nobody else... nobody else needs to be hurt in all this. Even if there are p-people that seem to want to get in the way, or laugh at us. These powers I have... I can protect everyone with these. I just need to learn how to pick my battles. How to... protect the people I need to protect, and try to help everyone else along the way.

Everyone deserves to live. Nobody should... have to live in fear of everything that's happening. [There's an odd look on her face. She wants to still be angry, to dislike Amy for what happened before. But... as she speaks, her expression softens just a little. To something more pleading. It's like she's still trying to reach out... like there's an unspoken "even you, if you'll let me" in there.]

[purestambition]

I sincerely doubt anyone expected to fight and possibly die to simply cross the street here, last week.

[ Hmn. ] I would presume people followed you in the first place for a reason.

I do hope I did not estimate you wrongly before, Adamas.

[peacefulwinter]

What, blaming myself for what happened t-to Lily? Who else would I blame? It's not like I can blame her when she did what she did... because I made a mistake. Do I blame the city? The vermini? Destiny? The aliens? Toushirou, I... I'm not blaming myself because I believe I am the problem. I am blaming myself because making sure this never happens again s-starts with me. I can't ask Lily, or Jasmine, or any of them to... please not get into trouble. That's not reasonable. All I can do is work harder. Become stronger. F-face my fears... and fight through them. That's the only way forward for me. If I can't become someone who can protect the people she cares about, then I am not fit to lead. I'm not fit to be with these people that count on me. I m-might as well just move away.

[Silence. In a small voice:] I... I don't want to do that. There are so many people here that I cherish, and I... I don't want to lose anyone! That's why I'm so worried about all this. I just want to be able to make sure nobody gets hurt. I... I couldn't do that before, and it's a wake-up call. That I can't just hope for the best. I have to... give everything, every time. I'm not sure I'm up to that challenge.

[peacefulwinter]

Even after everything... you're still going to follow me? I almost lost someone already. Do you... really trust me, even after that? Marina, I... [There's suddenly a lot of sniffling, and her voice is tight.] I am so lucky to have you as a friend. Thank you...

[She's quiet for a second as she tries to calm down.] We probably... aren't going to be t-truly safe here, either, you're right. We need to... come up with a plan. And I need to make myself confident enough to keep going.