Dated to June 7th

[pheromonecoffee]

[Matt Abbot sits before you today in a spinny desk chair, illuminated by his laptop screen. If you thought Matt couldn’t get dumber, you were wrong. You were very wrong. He is making good on his threats of stupidity so over the top they’re impossible to believe. Today Matt is wearing a surprisingly well made masquerade-style eye mask, black with a diagonal cut of blue over his left eye. And he is also wearing a surprising well made collared cape, black with a blue lining. He is also just wearing generally nice clothing under it because you can totally dress like a supervillain and still be stylish.

He steeples his fingers, a sly(ish) smile on his face.]

Greetings, Numbered. As I have been recently freed from the mortal prison of mandatory education, I am now free to pursue any future I wish. … Until August because I have already paid my tuition deposit.

But until August, Locke City, you are being watched. I will be your worst nightmare. I will be a supervillain the likes of which none of you have ever seen before. Such dastardly deeds as speaking in a fake New Jersey accent, directing tourists to the wrong streets and ripping tags off mattresses will happen on the streets every day for as long as I remain in its borders. I will accomplish all my good deeds by questionable means, causing me to become a terrible menace who will puzzle philosophy majors because no one can tell if I'm actually being a bad person. [He leans back in his chair, doing his best to look mysterious and dangerous.]

My first dastardly deed will be a kidnapping. Next Monday, June 16th, I will be kidnapping one of your number, heroes, and taking him with me to Las Vegas. If you wish to guarantee his safety, there is room for two others to accompany us on our cross-country trip. If you wish to ensure his safe return to New Jersey, then you may contact me and we will discuss plans.

[And with that the video turns off. However, Matt is still going, typing. He’s posting a selfie, too, of him in graduation robes. He’s got the National Honor Society gold graduation stole and everything.]

Graduation’s next weekend, too. My parents and my aunt and uncle are the reason I can take the trip--the car’s a graduation thing. Being serious for a second, though, if you want to come, the car is big enough that it won’t be an awful trip. Leaving the 16th at 8AM. If you’re under 18, I need parental permission. I’ll text you my number.

Comments

video;

[pheromonecoffee]

I've picked a verified hero in the city and I am going to take them to Vegas with me to prove just how serious I am as a supervillain.

video;

[orangehoodie]

Matt, you can't kidnap people!

Re: video;

[pheromonecoffee]

I think I can physically lift you, it can't be that hard.

[orangehoodie]

... What does that have to do with anything?

[pheromonecoffee]

I should have no problem kidnapping you. I just have to pick you up and put you in my car.

1/

[inretribution]

[orangehoodie]

[orangehoodie]

[orangehoodie]

Me?

[pheromonecoffee]

You.

[orangehoodie]

Why am I getting kidnapped?!

[pheromonecoffee]

Because you're a hero and I needed leverage and your dad said it was okay.

[orangehoodie]

I'm --

I'm not a hero!?

[pheromonecoffee]

Yes you are. And you're coming with me on the 16th and we are going to Las Vegas and you're going to be my hostage. What kind of snacks do you want?

[orangehoodie]

...

Two other people?

[pheromonecoffee]

People I know well and I promise they're nice. Maybe, like. Nat, or Sasha.

[orangehoodie]

I'm..

[really confused]

You talked to my dad about this? When? How long have you been planning this? The sixteeth?

How long are we staying there? I have-- [a promise for the last weekend of the month]

[pheromonecoffee]

We should be back by the end of the month. I only plan on staying a little over a week.

I talked to your dad about a week ago. I didn't want to leave you here when I went.

[orangehoodie]

Why would that be an iss--

[Oh.] Oh. [Right. He never told Matt and doesn't plan on it but right. He's one slip up away from being discovered by the senator that doesn't like the Numbered. Right.]

.. I promised someone I'd go to her birthday party on the last weekend.

[pheromonecoffee]

We should be back in time for that. [Matt grins. He's glad Ken's making more friends.]

[orangehoodie]

[... Dad's approval. Check. People who are not complete strangers. Check. Matt. Check. Summer vacation? Check.]

... I guess you can kidnap me but you won't get the princess.

[sigh]

[pheromonecoffee]

Not after the princess. Promise. [Ken you're going to have fun shut up.]

[orangehoodie]

[He already is it's terrible.]

Good. If you do, the king might burn the entire kingdom down. You won't have a world to terrorize; you won't want that, do you?

[pheromonecoffee]

Like I said. No princessnapping. Only heroes.

[orangehoodie]

Don't think you've defeated me yet. Even if you think I'm a hostage, I'm keeping an eye on you. I'll escape, and we'll take you down after my return.

[He'd be good at this if all this weren't said in a deadpan.]