savetheearth | ( two ) text / video

[ Given how much FBI and police blood, sweat, and (mostly) tears went into quelling the vermini outbreak in Locke City, similarly suspicious occurrences in Las Vegas are bound to inflame a few fears, even all the way in New Jersey.

It's how this YouTube video ends up sliding across the FBI's desks this Tuesday morning, not 12 hours after it was filmed and put up. It will probably be going viral shortly. ]

Two very important public service announcements this morning. The first, for those of you in Vegas, is this video.

CW: bunny violence.

[ The following is a shaky phone cam video of a blonde man in a top hat and a glittering, sequined tuxedo. He’s mid-patter, about to set up a card trick, when he suddenly starts to sneeze. He apologizes and tries to blow his nose, except his handkerchiefs keep turning into doves and flying away. Finally, with a look of dawning realization, he sweeps off his top hat (first tipping it to the audience, demonstrating that it’s empty) and theatrically reaches into it.

“Why, it’s as I suspected! You see, I’m terrrrrribly allergic to — AAAAAAAA!”

He yanks his hand out of the hat, hurling it to the ground. Something white flies out of it and attaches itself to the man’s throat, bowling him over. There’s blood everywhere, the man is still shrieking, and at this point the video gets too shaky to see clearly, one hopes because the particular audience member doing the filming is too horrified to continue, but actually it’s because he (along with the rest of the crowd) is laughing too hard. ]

I know the cops aren't exactly our favorites around here, but if you end up running into something you don't think you can handle, call the police. Or animal control or... I dunno, somebody with a net. Personal safety first, secure your own mask before helping others with theirs, etc. etc.

Second public service announcement: be kind to our fluffy animal friends, because they have feelings, too. And also teeth.

[ THAT ONE'S FOR YOU, ALEX I-DON'T-NEED-FLUFFY-DUCKS MERCURE. ]

Oh, and our good friend Mr. Mercure is mostly fine, before you ask. Turns out everything's more dramatic in Vegas.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Human teeth, human teeth! She had teeth that looked like a person's!

Ohhhh... yeah, that's pretty weird.

[ He says sort of like a person commenting on an abnormally warm day in spring, because he's been strangled by a tape measure in the past month and nothing is impossible anymore. ]

So. Important question: after you detained your over-worked animal companion, did she return to normal?

[ ... ]

Look for yourself.

[ He switches on the back camera of his phone, displaying a fluffy white bunny in a cage. She's munching placidly on a carrot. Her teeth, like everything about her, are completely normal and rabbity. ]

Awww, what a cute little-

[ FOCUS FOCUS

Clears throat ]

Err, anyway... that's interesting, isn't it? Have you also had any self-animating household objects or appliances, out of curiosity?

Self-animating — ?

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME EITHER!

[ Really ]

... Has anyone ever told you that you need to relax, friend?

Pardon me, but when one's harmless bunny rabbit suddenly grows human teeth and develops a taste for blood, and everybody thinks it's all hilarious, well then I rather think that's worth getting worked up about!

So... no? I'm taking that as a no.

If you would smooth your ruffled sequin-y feathers for a minute, I could go on to explain that over here in good ol' Locke, we had a freak outbreak where our office supplies and electronics came to life and started making our lives kinda inconvenient.

[ He doesn't use pencils anymore, it was traumatic ]

They were possessed by little pests called 'vermini'.

[ He's about to explain the sequins, and how it's all part of a Vegas costume, and it's intentionally over the top, any idiot could figure that out, only some hick from New Jersey would harp on that, and — ]

Eh? Vermini...?

[ He read about them in the FAQ. Moreover he's seen network posts about them. ]

They.... possess things? Animals?

[ He has a sudden, horrible thought: ]

Do they possess people, too?

Not yet!

[ Yet. ]

It's a situation worth monitoring, though, don't you think? Especially since "normal" people can't see them at all.

[ ... ]

How would I —

I... I mean, how would a person know if they were possessed by one of these things?

If I had to guess... there would probably be some sprouting of inhuman appendages, sudden violent hostility, and a lack of sense of self. Along with a bunch of other unpleasant things, probably, but who really knows?

Why? You got people hanging off of your throat, too?

[ ...no.

He's going to follow his first instincts and not tell a soul about the other thing that happened. ]

Oh, forget it.

Hmmmm~

[ Yes, there is a lilt. Just for you. ]

That's kinda suspicious, but if you say so. Though, if you've got something going on besides the - neck... thing... you should probably see another doc.

As amusing as you might find it, I'd really rather not be committed, thank you very much!

[ Eloquently, ] Um.

I'm not asking for TMI here, but what the hell is wrong that you're worried about the men in white coats? You just got attacked by a rabbit with molars and went to the doctor for that.

[ He does actually sound concerned, so at least there's... that. ]

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