savetheearth | [open] monstas!

Whoops, looks like Alex won't have time to break off a pair of chair legs for himself.

"Yesterday, actually!" he says, lifting the broken chair.

Since Fil is in front of Alex and thus closer to the cards, the King of Diamonds swings his axe at Fil. Before the others can chime in, Alex rushes forward with the chair, swinging it horizontally at the group. He manages to knock some of them to the ground, but finds himself having to use the chair as a shield against the Jack's halberd.

"They must have some kind of grudge against this place!"

"Yesterday?" Fil yelps, first ducking a swipe of an ax towards his head, then hurriedly side-stepping a metal pipe. He spots Alex locked in combat against the Jack but couldn't help since he was busing dodging again. He responded forcefully with the clubs in his hands, smashing the left one one the two of Diamonds' hands, forcing it to drop the pipe before following up with another strike on the Diamond's head.

"Did the barristas refuse them service or what?" Fil was forced to jump back as the King makes another swipe at his head.

His eyes dart towards the sound of the metal pipe hitting the ground. Potential weapon.

With a new goal in mind, Alex decides to sacrifice the chair. The halberd narrowly misses his arm as he gets the hell out of the Jack's immediate range with a grace that certainly isn't human. He bends down, snatching the metal pipe before the card can reclaim it, and circles around Fil and the King.

"Didn't make it to the doors," he shouts, swinging the pipe into the King, hoping to get the axe out of his hands and into Fil's. "Haj-- I mean, a--"

His sentence is interrupted by a metal knuckle sandwich right in his shoulder blade. Acute pain bursts from the area. Alex grits his teeth and hisses in a sharp breath between them as he stumbles forward, almost right into the King's back. He manages to catch himself instead and faces the Diamond that threw the punch, lifting the pipe just in time to catch another fist.

Fil was about to reply but he saw that metal-enhanced punch on Alex's shoulder and he sees red. Ducking down low, he swipes his makeshift wooden clubs against the back of another Diamond's knees that was swinging a mallet towards Alex's head, forcing it to fall on the ground, before following up with foot on the Diamond's head.

"You alright?" Even as the words left his mouth, the Jack was attacking again, the halberd narrowly missing taking Fil's arm off. It was enough though to rip through Fil's shirt sleeves and leave a narrow cut that starts bleeding. It hurt, but somehow didn't hurt as much as he thought it would.

"Yeah!" he manages, more a harsh expulsion of breath than a word as he pours all of his strength into pushing the metal-knuckled card off balance. He's on it before it even hits the ground, stomping down on each arm before the card can swing more punches. He doesn't exactly look majestic or anything you might expect from a battle scene, legs wide-spread as he struggles to grab one of the card's hands and tear the metal knuckles off, but appearances aren't exactly on the top of Alex's priority list right now.

"You?" he finally shouts, too preoccupied with the card to confirm Fil's status visually.

"Fine!" Fil grunted as he was forced to jump back again by the Jack's halberd. His wooden 'clubs' was now much shorter than when he started with, forcing him into far closer contact with the remaining cards then he liked. Seeing the mallet on the ground dropped onto the ground by a downed Diamond nearby he dropped the mostly useless clubs for that weapon, reaching it just in time to block an axe strike by the King.

By now, he was looking nothing like his usual neat and tidy appearance. Strands of his hair had fallen out of his ponytail, and there was blood and dirt on his exercise clothes.

"Why is this my life? I just wanted a coffee!" He yelped as the Jack got in another attack, this time his leg.

At the yelp, Alex chances a glance over his shoulder. The sight of the King and the Jack ganging up on Fil makes his breath catch. Not good, not good. Two bladed weapons and Fil's already made their acquaintance if the blood on his clothes is any indication.

It is quickly decided that the one metal knuckle he's managed to grab is good enough; there are more pressing threats to attend to. As a precautionary measure, he whacks the card's other hand with his pipe not unlike how one would hit a golf ball with a club, then approaches the other party from behind the King with clipped, hurried strides.

Just as the King holds out his axe for another horizontal arc, Alex swings the pipe right into the axe's handle. Thanks to the angle at which the pipe and axe met, the axe goes flying right into the King's front -- with the bladed portion lodged in the card, in fact.

This is a perfect opportunity to steal the axe...

Fil wasn't stupid and as soon as he saw the opening Alex gave him he took it. He lunged forward, punting he King in the head with an upwards strike before dropping the metal mallet he was using and grabbing the axe-handle instead. Just in time too, to block another halberd strike from taking a swipe at his chest.

"Thanks!" He called out, feeling much better at having a weapon that he knew how to use properly in his hands.

In an attempt to avoid the tail end of the sweeping halberd strike, Alex leans backwards, but not enough. Still, the injury is superficial -- nothing impairing beyond the acute sting from receiving it.

Since he's adequately 'hydrated', the cut bleeds as one would expect -- not at all like the darker, thicker blood that resulted from the stab wound when Alex had been ravenous.

A shame about the shirt, though.

"No problem!" he calls back, intercepting the last Diamond aside from the Jack. "Now you can-- strut your stuff!"

Fil wasn't even feeling his injuries anymore and later one he'll probably think it due to adrenaline. "Hell yeah!" With one clean stroke he beheaded the King before turning to herd Jack away from Alex; it was probably overkill, but he didn't one that one to get up again.

Darting quickly from left to right, he went down low for a strike against the Jack's legs, hoping to hamstring it permanently.

Well, Fil certainly wasted no time.

The axe cleaves through the Jack's legs like a warm knife through butter. The Jack immediately flops to the ground; the halberd clatters after him.

Meanwhile, Alex is holding his own against the final Diamond. Taking a cue from Fil, he ducks and swings the metal pipe into one of the Diamond's legs. The card goes down, struck unbalanced.

Chest heaving with heavy breaths, Alex lowers his weapon and takes a step back to catch his breath. He glances at Fil, automatically visually assessing his status. Blood on his arm and his leg.

"I got a- a first-aid kit in the back," he says, looking up at Fil's face.

Fil follows up with a strike on the back of both the Jack and the last Diamond doubly make sure they don't get back up.

He lowers his own weapon and meets Alex's eyes before nodding. "Yeah, sure, that'll be great." The wounds stings as he moves but otherwise doesn't seem to be bleeding anymore. "You should probably use it on yourself too. I know you got hit at least once yourself."

He lets out a drawn out, noncommittal noise from the back of his throat. No, that injury is already on the mend.

Rather than explain, he starts walking towards where his truck is parked, bidding Fil to follow with a wave of his free hand. "You got anywhere to be?" he asks a little loudly, to make up for the fact that he's faced away from Fil.

"Nah. It's Sunday. Normally I'd be sleeping in but..." Fil answered, giving a shrug. He didn't think anything of Alex facing away from him, too busy examining his own wounds.

"I really hope early morning attacks like these don't become the norm."

"You think Starbucks would hire some bodyguards? They got the money for it."

Having reached his truck, Sir Binklesworth, bless his soul, Alex lowers the metal pipe into the truck bed (because it isn't valuable and rare enough like yesterday's sword and spear to keep in the truck's interior) and opens one of the cab's doors to the backseat. His first aid kit is there, as is his sword -- previously, his other self's sword, hey -- in its leather sheathe, worn, but in decent condition.

For a human-made sword in the middle ages/early Renaissance, anyway.

"You wanna sit inside and I'll help you out," he says, motioning to the backseat. "I'm a paramedic, so theoretically, you're in good hands."

Smile!

"More likely they'd provide self-defence lessons to their employees. Cheaper than hiring full-time body guards."

Fil leaned the axe in his hands against one of the tires of the truck. It wasn't a bad axe so he was definitely keeping that. Not that they lack bladed weapons in the house but another one won't cause too many raised eyebrows.

"Sure. And thanks. I've only got basic first-aid myself." He answered easily with a cheery grin and took the offered seat. "Nice sword you've got there.

"A relic from the middle ages or the Renaissance. I'm not sure which," he says, snaking an arm around Fil to grab the kit. "Let's get your sleeve rolled up and..."

He hesitates at the slash on Fil's leg. Hm.

"... we can clean up the one on your leg and put a pressure bandage on it-- same with your arm-- neither of them look very serious..." He begins removing the appropriate items as he speaks, handing some of the antiseptic wipes to Fil. "You start on your arm, I'll get your leg, and we can make like a drag team and get out of here in no time flat!"

Alex still has work, after all. He's fine with clocking in late, though. Being attacked by another wave of playing cards is a pretty legitimate reason for tardiness.

"I've got a matched set of swords at home myself. Found it underneath my bed one day." Fil admitted as he rolled up his sleeve as requested.

"Sounds good to me. You've got work to get to?" He began to clean the wound with the wipes, hissing a bit at the sting. After he finished. He took some of the offered bandage and began wrapping his arm.

"Hey, do you think Starbucks will make me another coffee for free?"

"Wh- Oh! You dropped yours, that's right... Dude, they totally will." Actually, Alex has proof to back up his claims (gut instinct and expectations don't cut it). Regardless, he continues, "How can they not? We fought on their behalf."

And with that, Fil is all patched up. Alex lightly slaps the back of his hand against Fil's uninjured leg to signal first-aid completion.

"T'was a glorious battle, and all such battles require merriment afterwards."

Merriment, in this case, means caffeine.

"I'll head back inside with you," he says, putting his kit away. "They got my coffee and, hopefully, not a bill for that chair..."

"Great! I'm trying to cut down on Starbucks to three times a week rather than every day so if I miss this one I'll have to wait for two more days." Fil replied, visibly cheered by the news.

He finished the packing on his arm and rotated the shoulder experimentally.

"Don't worry, if they bill you for the chair, I'll pay half. I was involved, after all."

Alex let out a little chuckle. "Yeah? You're a pal, man."

After Fil hopped out of the truck, Alex locked it, saying, "I'm Alex, by the way."

"Fair's fair." Fil answered with a shrug. "I'm Fil. Nice to meet you, even if it's the first time I had to fight off a pack of overgrown playing cards armed to the teeth." He shook his head wryly and reached the door of the Starbucks first, holding it open for Alex.

[open] monstas!

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