savetheearth

[ Hello, network. If you're eating, you may wish to look away. Children and people of a nervous disposition are also advised to steer clear of this post. Why, you may ask? ]

~When Worlds Collide~
A fanfiction for Mac (and the rest of you guys too I guess) 8y Tavia Serket
(Rated R! KIDS KEEP OUT!!!!!!!!)

[ That's why. ]

It was a super 8oring cold January evening and Detective 'Dick8ag' Sherman was super depressed. "I am depressed," he snotted grossly to himself, alone and misera8le in his shitty dum8 police office. "It is pro8a8ly 8ecause I am so lame. And ugly. And also I stink. God my life is fucking terri8le."

He sighed. And made a super sad face thinking a8out how majorly gross he was in every possi8le way. Life was hard when you were a complete and utter dicklord. And 8ecause he was the worst of all the dicklords, no8ody in the entire world could really understand his pain.

Or should I say........ No8ody FROM this world?

Just then, there was a conveniently-timed knock at the door of Detective Douche8ag's office. "GOD," he ejacul8ted. He lit a cigarette and smoked it angrily. It smelled super gross. "WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY ANGSTING?"

The door 8urst open and there was........ AN ALIEN. One of the evil ones, not one of the cool superpowered people that Sherman h8ted that might have 8een aliens in their past lives. This alien was one of the asshole aliens who are working with the cops. It was 8asically like your lamey-lame stereotypical alien design that you see fucking EVERYWHERE, except it was pink and also had a 8ow on its head 8ecause those fuckers are all a8out 8eing cute and shit apparently. ((A/N: I will edit this l8ter if the evil aliens actually end up 8eing green tentacle monsters or something, ok. Get off my 8ack! Wow.))

"Hello Shermy," said the alien cute-evilly. "What is up, 8uttmuffin?"

"I'm grumpy and depressed 8ecause I am not as cool or smart or attractive as those guys we're trying to kill," wept Sherman. He tore his shirt off in his grief. It was super gross ((A/N: My headcanon is that he has a third nipple and incredi8ly unattractive 8ody hair. Feel free to use!)). "It's just so hard, you know?"

"Is it," evil-giggled the evil alien, evilly. "That's super convenient." And then the alien STR8IGHT-UP 8TE SHERMAN'S PANTS HOLY SHIT.

"Those were my 8est pants," cried Sherman, even though they were super lame and he pro8a8ly 8ought them from Walmart for like five 8ucks. He 8lew smoke everywhere like a giant raging asshole and then stu88ed his cigarette out on his desk. "You are viol8ting my pants-rel8ted rights. I am going to have to place you under arrest, and then I will 8e a serious dick to you. It's going to suck."

"That's some kinky shit," evilled the alien. "Speaking of serious dick. And sucking........"

"Omfg," said Sherman.

Just then, there was ANOTHER knock on the door! "GO AWAY," yodelled the world's most stupid dum8 detective (Sherman). "I'M SUPER 8USY RIGHT NOW."

8ut unfortun8tely for Sherman and his super distasteful xeno action, the person didn't go away. The door 8urst open again and there........ was police chief Simon Edwards!!!!!!!!

"WHAT THE EVIL POLICING FUCK IS GOING ON HERE," the chief screamed. "WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT. HOW DARE YOU HAVE SEX ON POLICE PREMISES........"

Sherman gulped. Oh shit he was so fired! And so ugly. And so super gross in literally every possi8le way. He held his 8reath (partly 8ecause he was scared and partly so he didn't have to 8reathe his own stink).

"........WITHOUT INVITING ME TOO," finished the chief. He was naked.

"Omfg," said Sherman.

((TO 8E CONTINUED!!!!!!!!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

ur welcome 2 pick a pseuodnyum if u want

ill make an about page r smth

I already go by Simon Edwards on here anyway. Might want to change that to Simon Fucking Edwards on that about page, though. Just to make sure everyone knows to give me credit, and not that sick rhino-cocked bastard.

simon fucking edwards it is

sfe 4 short

Beautiful.

You keep going at this rate, you'll cure cancer and world hunger and all that shit!

u seem 2 love me so much ur doin all the work im just hosting ur shit

ill accept the compliments anyway tho keep em coming

Who the fuck do you think I am, Gandhi? I'm not made of kindness here!

wow dude

that was a mood swing

u sure ur ok

need 2 talk about how ur alien fuckbuddy isnt communincating in ur relationship properly

i kno that can cause a lot of problems and i jsut want 2 let u kno im here 4 u

...He hasn't called back in two days. I'm just worried for him and his armpit anuses.

nah man listen

u gotta give him some space alright

ur probably being pushy and he doesnt like that so what u gotta do is u let him have some time 2 himself and when he coems back u tell him that if u get 2 pushy then he should tell u

But pushy is how Sherman and I get our cocks in there in the first place!

u cant always apply sex rules 2 relationship rules

sometimes things r different

What's the difference? Our cocks in his armpits is the relationship!

oh well if thats the case ur fucked

or not fucked i guess

bc trsut me if all this is is sex ofc hes not gonna stick around

Why not? Who else do you think is gonna satisfy his sick alien sex needs? He's going to come crawling right back with his weepy armpit anuses as soon as he starts getting horny again!

u underestimate his power+ even if he does hes just gonna leave again if u get 2 douchy

then ull be stuck here again talking 2 a sranger bc u dont know how 2 handle ur relationship proble,s

*problems lol

Are you implying I can't handle my own sexual conquests?

u modd swinged @ a stranger on the internet bc of this

im basically explicitly stating rn that u cant handle ur relationships

btw its p much a relationship @ thi s point

like if all that stuffs tru

which it is

then its def a relationship

What do you even know about relationships? How many aliens have you had sex with?

i kno enough 2 kno when ur snapping @ ur publisher somethings up

if my advice doesnt work fine

but its not like u got anythin 2 lose

Oh yeah? What about my cock's emotional well-being?

...both of my cocks, that is.

Because I have two cocks.

well if u fix ur relationship ur sex will be better obvs

What if my cocks don't like good sex, though? What if they get hard for shitty sex instead?

then ur rlationship may truly be 2 alien 4 us mer humans 2 understand

Well, obviously! I could've told you that from the beginning, when I mentioned having a secret rhino cock.

we can never truly kno alien relationships by their dicks alone

we must ask them many questio 2 find out just how different they rly r

(no subject)

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