text;

[drama8om8]

[ Hello, network. If you're eating, you may wish to look away. Children and people of a nervous disposition are also advised to steer clear of this post. Why, you may ask? ]


~When Worlds Collide~
A fanfiction for Mac (and the rest of you guys too I guess) 8y Tavia Serket
(Rated R! KIDS KEEP OUT!!!!!!!!)

[ That's why. ]


It was a super 8oring cold January evening and Detective 'Dick8ag' Sherman was super depressed. "I am depressed," he snotted grossly to himself, alone and misera8le in his shitty dum8 police office. "It is pro8a8ly 8ecause I am so lame. And ugly. And also I stink. God my life is fucking terri8le."

He sighed. And made a super sad face thinking a8out how majorly gross he was in every possi8le way. Life was hard when you were a complete and utter dicklord. And 8ecause he was the worst of all the dicklords, no8ody in the entire world could really understand his pain.

Or should I say........ No8ody FROM this world?

Just then, there was a conveniently-timed knock at the door of Detective Douche8ag's office. "GOD," he ejacul8ted. He lit a cigarette and smoked it angrily. It smelled super gross. "WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY ANGSTING?"

The door 8urst open and there was........ AN ALIEN. One of the evil ones, not one of the cool superpowered people that Sherman h8ted that might have 8een aliens in their past lives. This alien was one of the asshole aliens who are working with the cops. It was 8asically like your lamey-lame stereotypical alien design that you see fucking EVERYWHERE, except it was pink and also had a 8ow on its head 8ecause those fuckers are all a8out 8eing cute and shit apparently. ((A/N: I will edit this l8ter if the evil aliens actually end up 8eing green tentacle monsters or something, ok. Get off my 8ack! Wow.))

"Hello Shermy," said the alien cute-evilly. "What is up, 8uttmuffin?"

"I'm grumpy and depressed 8ecause I am not as cool or smart or attractive as those guys we're trying to kill," wept Sherman. He tore his shirt off in his grief. It was super gross ((A/N: My headcanon is that he has a third nipple and incredi8ly unattractive 8ody hair. Feel free to use!)). "It's just so hard, you know?"

"Is it," evil-giggled the evil alien, evilly. "That's super convenient." And then the alien STR8IGHT-UP 8TE SHERMAN'S PANTS HOLY SHIT.

"Those were my 8est pants," cried Sherman, even though they were super lame and he pro8a8ly 8ought them from Walmart for like five 8ucks. He 8lew smoke everywhere like a giant raging asshole and then stu88ed his cigarette out on his desk. "You are viol8ting my pants-rel8ted rights. I am going to have to place you under arrest, and then I will 8e a serious dick to you. It's going to suck."

"That's some kinky shit," evilled the alien. "Speaking of serious dick. And sucking........"

"Omfg," said Sherman.

Just then, there was ANOTHER knock on the door! "GO AWAY," yodelled the world's most stupid dum8 detective (Sherman). "I'M SUPER 8USY RIGHT NOW."

8ut unfortun8tely for Sherman and his super distasteful xeno action, the person didn't go away. The door 8urst open again and there........ was police chief Simon Edwards!!!!!!!!

"WHAT THE EVIL POLICING FUCK IS GOING ON HERE," the chief screamed. "WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT. HOW DARE YOU HAVE SEX ON POLICE PREMISES........"

Sherman gulped. Oh shit he was so fired! And so ugly. And so super gross in literally every possi8le way. He held his 8reath (partly 8ecause he was scared and partly so he didn't have to 8reathe his own stink).

"........WITHOUT INVITING ME TOO," finished the chief. He was naked.

"Omfg," said Sherman.


((TO 8E CONTINUED!!!!!!!!))