savetheearth | Adventure 21 | [Video, Action later on]

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Adventure 21 | [Video, Action later on]

[It's Christmas time, so, really, should anyone be surprised when the video feed opens and there's Arthur wearing a Santa suit?]

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!

[Why, yes, Arthur appears to be very excited. Far too excited, indeed.]

I just wanted to let you all know that I've got a part-time job for the holidays!

[Does anyone really need to guess what that job is?]

I'm going to be Santa's helper over at [insert name of a shopping mall that is not the one Arthur got thrown out of for jumping in a fountain]! And I'm also going to be visiting the hospital throughout the season! Got to spread that holiday cheer to everyone who might have gotten hurt in the quake, you know?

[Action]
So it's Christmas at the mall, and of course the mall has a Santa Claus at its service! Arthur's a part-time sort of Santa, and while he won't be found while kids are going to and from school, he can be found in the late mornings, early afternoons, and sometimes later in the evening.

Throughout the holiday season, the mall will be subjected to the loudest round of "HO, HO, HO!" it's ever gotten from a mall Santa, and the Santa himself is probably the biggest they've had on top of that. Arthur's still ripped from that one fortunate Echo, though he's stuffed a few pillows into the suit to give himself an appropriate amount of Santa padding.

Most of the time, he's in the Santa's Workshop part of the mall, sitting in the sleigh among the fake snow and photographers dressed as elves. But he can occasionally be found throughout the rest of the mall, walking around, waving at people, and generally having a good time pretending to be Santa Claus.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"We met...on the INTERNET! When I was...ONLINE SEARCHING FOR THE BEST PLACE TO BUY ANTIQUES!" Smooth. Arthur congratulated himself on thinking up an excuse so fast, because surely the Internet was a great place to meet people that was very similar to the network.

She scoffs haughtily.

"Then I repeat: how did you meet my daughter?"

Come on, woman! What more story do you need! "So...after meeting your daughter ON THE INTERNET, I went into her DELIGHTFUL LITTLE SHOP! AND WE MET THERE!"

Maybe she was just hard of hearing, and he needed to speak more loudly!

She flinches a little at the sound before rolling her eyes.

"I see. And what do you do other than..."

Glance.

"Play dress up?"

Hey, being Santa Claus was a perfectly respectable job! "I'm a school bus driver!" Arthur replied cheerfully. This was also a perfectly respectable job! Why was this woman so cranky?

She raises an eyebrow before mumbling a little to herself.

"...that sounds safe.

So why was a bus driver looking for my daughter's worthless antiques?"

"They're not worthless! They're OUTRAGEOUS!" Arthur was now thinking of an excuse as to why he wanted them..."And I needed to buy a present for my granny, anyway!"

More scoffing.

"Then you should have gone somewhere that sells something your granny might actually like."

"Hey! My granny LOVES antiques! And they have a bunch of OUTRAGEOUS antiques!"

Dismissive hand-waving.

"Outrageously over-hyped, over-priced, and utterly useless? Sure-

Would you two stop making those faces?"

The Dians freeze mid-horrifed WHY IS THIS HAPPENING expression.

"Um, sure mom."

"Yes, Mrs. Harvent."

"POPPYCOCK! They've got some GREAT STUFF in that store! Truly OUTRAGEOUS finds!" Arthur was not going to sit back and let her badmouth his friends like that.

"Don't be ubsurd. My daughter and her weak-willed husband don't have what it takes to run a successful business. Just as my late husband and myself have always known."

The Dians struggle to keep a calm composure as the old lady requested. Miria does casually move closer to her husband though.

"Bah! POPPYCOCK! Their business is OUTRAGEOUS! And they have a lot of OUTRAGEOUS things in there!" Nope, Arthur sure wasn't budging on that point. He was one stubborn Santa Claus. (It's what comes from dealing with middle schoolers on a daily basis.)

"DON'T ARGUE WITH ME! I understand them far better than you ever could. Just like everything else they do, it will fail."

"Hey, I could tell you not to argue with ME--I'M SANTA CLAUS!"

And then Mrs. Harvent stares.

And stares.

And stares.

"What."

"THAT'S RIGHT! I'M SANTA CLAUS!" Arthur was positively beaming at this point. "And you can't argue with Santa Claus around Christmastime! That's an INSTANT TICKET TO THE NAUGHTY LIST!"

Keep staring.

Just keep staring.

Not noticing Isaac and Miria giving Arthur big "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE" gestures.

"Are you just fucking insane or really this stupid?"

That's the thing about Arthur. He deals with middle school students all the time. He's heard worse, and now? He's on the clock being paid to act totally in-character as Santa Claus.

Bring.

It.

On.

"Neither! I'm just trying to bring a little holiday cheer to EVERYONE IN THE MALL! Because I'M SANTA CLAUS!"

Really, Mrs. Harvent, it's a little from Column A and a little from Column B. Too bad he wasn't showing any indication that he wanted to heed the Dians' warnings.

"No, you aren't.

You're just a moron. An imbecile. An idiot who can't afford rent this month, so he signed up to entertain brats for hours on end by pretending to be an imaginary man parents create so their runts will feel special.

You. Are. Nothing. And you will always be nothing. Just like THEM."

And they're crying. The Dians are crying profusely. Because obviously this is just too much for their buddy and he won't wanna be friends with them anymore.

Really, it took a lot to ruffle Arthur's proverbial feathers. He dealt with middle schoolers for a living. You did not survive long in his line of work if you couldn't deal with insults, and Arthur often liked to try to redirect some of the kids' negative energy onto himself rather than have them take it out on each other. He could take it. Some of the kids on the bus couldn't.

And the Dians couldn't take it, and this made Arthur very unhappy.

"Well at least I'm not a HEARTLESS OLD BULLY!" Why, yes, Mrs. Harvent, you just got called a heartless old bully by a man in a Santa suit loudly enough for half the mall to hear. Several four-year-olds look on in shock.

Arthur, Arthur, Arthur.

What have you done?

As the couple looks on in horror, rage fills the old lady's eyes. She stomps straight toward the Santa, each step the sound of mountains crushing from under her might. She looked him right in the eyes, teeth-grinding, eyebrows narrow.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?"

Arthur just keeps right on smiling. It is his way. "I said you're a HEARTLESS OLD BULLY! And frankly, if you were riding my bus, I'd have you in detention faster than you could make some one else upset!" That's what happens to bullies that ride Arthur's school bus, after all.

Her nostrils flare angrily.

"How DARE you speak to me like that?! I'll talk to your manager! I will have you fired!"

The Dians pale significantly. They try to pull Mrs. Harvent away, in an effort to save their friend's job. She merely slaps their hands away and continues her attempt to stare down Arthur.

Arthur's grin just broadens. "Funny you should mention my manager! You've been visibly upsetting the other customers here--I'm actually well within company policy to have security throw you out!" Oh, Arthur had read the company handbook, all right. "Just to make the shopping experience a more pleasant one!" He gives the Dians a wink.