savetheearth | text/audio;

[ The post opens with a handy little form letter custom-designed by Octavia for people to fill out. Enjoy. ]

Dear Tavia / Alan / Tavia and Alan / President O8ama,

I, (YOUR NAME HERE), am pissed at / super pissed at / really super pissed at / shockingly attracted to you right now. What were you thinking / are you wearing, cutie(s). What you did was irresponsible / reckless / dangerous / actually pretty cool / worse than str8-up murdering a flock of 8a8ies and I can't 8elieve you would 8e so stupid / you didn't invite me / you are not dead / it's not 8utter. Wow, am I ever 8uttmad / asschafed / cheekstung / rearniggled right now. Damn.

To conclude, you are dum8 / 8rave / lucky to 8e alive / actually already punished enough for this / going to get punched in the face / a 8itch / in possession of a really gr8 8utt.

We are / are not friends any more. I hope you die / don't die,

love / no love from YOUR NAME HERE.

[ That done with, she switches to audio. ]

Just thought I'd cut down on the lecture time for everybody. Because while I am sure all of you are oh-so-fucking ready to sate your massive told-you-so boners, I actually have stuff to say! Like "thanks for being super cool badasses and saving us, rescue teams." And "wow those photos being shown on the news are unflattering as fuck." And "please remember we just spent days in solitary confinement thinking we were going to have our brains scooped out." Which means yes! Alan and I are entirely aware of how quote-dumb-unquote my plan was and all the implications of it and blah blah blah don't waste your fucking time fussing at us.

I also want to point out that like. Somebody would have got caught at some point anyway, right? Like this whole deal was only ever going to last so long. And if it had to be somebody it was good that the captives were us! People who didn't fucking talk even a little, no matter what they threatened us with. People who were brave and cool at all times! People who could contact the outside without writing a number in blood or snot or whatever and blowing this whole shitfest operation. You are welcome.

[ There's a half-uttered syllable, then a soft mmgh as she apparently rethinks what she was going to say. Then, in a falsely lighthearted tone: ]

And, uh. Since like. My face is out there anyway I don't really have shit to lose as far as that is concerned! So what if we had me record a message saying that we ain't terrorists. Maybe explain our deal a little or something? And then put it on Youtube or send it to the press or whatever. Like, if there is a way to do that safely and securely and not get caught. And if people think that's a good idea and not me being fucktarded, haha! And stuff.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Do you want to get so drunk you forget what your names are, or so drunk you forget what feelings are? Because I've got an emergency bottle of 151 that can do both, and I can't think of a better emergency than this one.

Both at once should do it.

I'll give it to you under one condition. Be more responsible with it than I'm being. Because this is at least five kinds of illegal.

Deal. I promise to be super sensible and drink responsibly and not get alcohol poisoning or set things on fire or get pregnant or barf on Gavin's stuff.

I mean I'll give it to Gavin, responsibly, in a totally responsible manner.

Do you... usually set things on fire when you get drunk? Because let's be real, this is not going to be the first alcoholic drink you've had.

As a general rule people don't see prison break as the actions of innocent people. Because I suppose, in their world, innocent people only sit nicely and quietly and rot away after being mistreated and wrongly sentenced in a corrupt system.

If you do manage to get it out there without any of our enemies catching on and getting us into more trouble, the likelihood of people listening is very low. No matter how clear something is if you bother to look, people don't often like to believe what doesn't fit into their world view.

[ Wow look at him not outright dismissing it as the stupidest idea ever. ]

I ain't a drinker, okay! Alcohol has like a billion calories. And the one time I drank some before it was at one of Lisa-from-drama-club's parties and I started telling her shit about me being some kind of unicorn wizard before I fell asleep in her laundry basket.

So uh. No fires.

Yeah, unicorn wizard is so much less believable than fairy Jesus. Okay, you just name the time and I'll bring it over. And, y'know, hopefully this won't count as aiding and abetting.

Okay yes that came out pretty corny, but my point is you'll always be seen as criminals if you hide what you're doing.

yeah ok you know what iim done.

Grounded. Which, yes, is a much lighter sentence than you've been given. Sorry, I'll try to be more sensitive in the future.

well

the ice we skate is gettin p. thin

so to speak

the waters gettin warm so you might as well swim

what have you been up to lately

my worlds on fire

how bout yours

thats the way i like it and i never get bored

Hey, don't think that just because you got wings that people will believe. I think there are some people that if they could would still believe that the body doesn't need baths and that the earth is still center of the universe. And we really don't want to give the cops any real reason to suppress us.

That's probably for the best.

I'm glad you're not that stupid, at least, but please don't treat this like it's some movie.

(Don't do it again!)

rly cuz i based it on urs OH SHIT

[ Congrats Tavia, you MADE HIM HAVE A REALLY BAD MEMORY/ECHO. ]

...I understand that. Just. [ He sighs. ] Try and stay safe, okay? I don't want either of you to end up in harm's way.

We will always be seen as criminals. But yeah, that's what I think! Except I guess most people don't agree? ANd for now I have to cool it on the "fuck you I do what I want" stuff. Shit blows.

F8NE.
8ut j8st fyi my gr8fulness and my continuing lack of calling you piss8a8y ST8LL ST8NDS!
8ecause I am 8CTU8LLY A PRETTY G88D PERS8N SO F8CK Y8U!!!!!!!!

Oh my god. Things you don't have to apologise for? THAT!
I was joking, you stooge. That is still a thing that I can do, despite 8eing a famous fugitive. I can still make jokes a8out my restricted freedom without actually caring, and your grounding can still suck!!!!!!!!
At least you have the network to amuse you I guess? Like your parents can't take THAT privilege away. Suck it, restrictive parently types! Yeah!

I guess. Another vote for wimpy wussy caution bullshit, then. Bluh.

Uh. No actual offense. I am still hells of grateful and whatever.

You know it's going to 8E a movie one day, right?
Mac's 8etting on an entire trilogy. With the 8r8kout 8eing the climax of the first act!
You should start getting more involved in the action scenes, dude. Su8tly!
So for the entire first movie you will 8e the one guy no8ody notices, sweating away in the 8ackground next to Ryan and not getting any lines, then movie 2 comes around and 8AM.
You were important all along! People will FLIP.

[ How meta ]

::::C

::::'C

Well. I guess that now I am an Actual Fugitive I am feeling like I 8n't the smartest tool in the shed
right now!
And it kind of sucks to 8e stuck inside so much. Since there's
so much to do
so much to see!

Ok no I can't do this I think we actually found an inappropri8 time for Smash Mouth here holy fuck.

[ BARA DAD NOOOOOOOOOO ]

Well. Yeah. Okay! Being safe absolutely feels like the right thing to be doing right now. Haha.

So it's a decent idea but people are too dumb and stupid and head-in-the-sand-y to believe it? Sounds about right! Haha.

You're being pretty cool and understanding about this. For an old guy!

[ LOOK, JOKES, EVERYTHING IS NORMAL LALALALA ]

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