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[peacefulwinter]

I messed up. I said something carelessly, and I'm really wishing I hadn't now. I don't know what to do, or if I even can do anything. I'm too scared to try and even apologize, and I feel like a horrible person.

I think I'm finally starting to realize that this isn't some story come to life, where everything can be fixed and our lives are just a little weird sometimes. This is reality. No matter how much I want to help, or fix things, or make things right, I can't always do that. And that's something I've been taking for granted. It really hurts, having to think "is there anything I can do about this?" before I do something.

I... wonder if not-me ever thought about this. If she ever wondered if "being a hero" was really worth it, or if she could actually help anyone, powers or not.

Comments

[peacefulwinter]

But this is all I'm good for, Banagher! If I can't even do this... what can I do?

[argents]

You find another way! There's never just one way to help someone, and I know you know that! When you told me you wanted to make a difference a long time ago, I sensed that right away.

Listen. How are you going to ask other people to trust you if you don't trust in yourself?

[peacefulwinter]

I do know that! But this... this isn't something I can just ignore. It hurts.

I don't think you understand. I haven't had this kind of faith in myself in a long time. I want to, and I'm trying to get there, but things like this really don't help. I might be okay, in a little while, but...

( 1/2 )

[argents]

How can I understand when you won't tell me anything?

I don't want you to ignore it. That just makes the whole reason you tried in the first place meaningless, doesn't it? So instead, I want to know what you want to do. I mean, really want to do. Not what you think you can or can't right now.

[argents]

[ ...a second later, realizing he's being kind of a butt about this for no discernible reason. ]

Sorry, that you got hurt.

[voice]

[peacefulwinter]

[Normally, she'd hide behind text for this - she has been. But she's not going to get through to Banagher if he can't hear her. So when the audio clicks on and she's speaking aloud, she's even more halting and nervous than usual, and her voice is scratchy; she's been crying for a while.]

Banagher... stop. I know... I c-can't just give up. I don't want to. But this... is the first time this h-has happened. I feel like curling up in a b-ball somewhere and... crying for a week.

It's not that... I messed up, that I'm a-angry about. It's... that there was someone, right in front of me, hurting... and I couldn't do anything. Anything! He just... pushed me away, and left. [A bitter laugh.] Some h-help I am.

[And last, a little sharper:] Don't... apologize. It just... makes me feel w-worse. That I'm throwing a t-tantrum like this.

[argents]

[ Jesus take the wheel, there are tears involved. Though he bristled up at the fleeting mention of being pushed, just a little, he waits until she's finished speaking before clicking over to using his phone properly. ]

You're a kind person, and things affect you differently. I can't imagine how tough it was to stand your ground. And now you're angry at yourself because you lost your cool even though you did that, right?

[ There are enough clues in her voice for whatever's in his brain to try and get a better angle at what he's dealing with, but he's ignoring it. For once, he just wants to speak what's on his mind. ]

But if you just focus on what you couldn't do for this person, you'll never get out of it. Just making assumptions, like the one thing you tried being the only option you have, or that you can't be forgiven... hurts you more in the end, too. Like backing up into a corner.

[peacefulwinter]

I... am angry. Yes, m-mostly at myself. A-and at him, for being a stupid, selfish idiot. But... whatever happened, it w-would be wrong of me... to accuse him without knowing.

[She sighs, feeling a little less shaky about all this.]

I know I m-made a mistake. That I need to get myself... together. But I d-don't have all the answers. I'm... smart, but not perfect. I mess up... e-every now and then. That's... h-how we learn, right? I'm angry, and b-bitter... but I'll get over it.

[There's a deep, shuddering breath, before she finishes, clear as a bell:] I'm sorry I worried you.

[argents]

[ He'd be lying to himself if he said the clarity didn't strike him immediately, but it's only enough to silence him for a second or two. ]

No, it's okay. You don't have to say sorry to me. I'd probably worry anyway, even though messing up just means you're human.

[ In an instant, his tone deflates. Becomes lighter. ]

You were really determined, weren't you?

[peacefulwinter]

Of course I was. I... this is what I c-can do for everyone. Until the day all this... is over, somehow... or until there's s-something else I can do... being able to talk to people is my o-only "power." And it's s-something I want to put my all into.

[She's suddenly so glad she didn't switch to video, because she can feel her face heating up, and she'd never live it down if she let him see that.]

[argents]

Being able to do that is what everyone underestimates. Talking to people, or wanting to talk to them. Just because it's so simple. When you think about it though, that's one of the only real ways we have to clear up misunderstandings.

[ Wanting to be heard wasn't wrong — wanting to really get through to someone. Given her stubborn streak, he's not all that surprised. ]

So, I think I get it... but I wasn't kidding about the cheer up part either. I don't really like seeing you sad.