savetheearth | 02: laptop webcam video thinger

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02: laptop webcam video thinger

[Welcome to Ray's boring living room, folks, complete with cigarette smoke clouding up the picture. Totally classy, I know. There's not much going on other than a cat licking it's butt on the couch. Also classy. Ray isn't sorry.

After a couple seconds Ray flops into view, ungracefully plunking his ass down on the couch after shooing the cat away. Get out of here cat. The camera's angle is adjusted and now it is business time.]

So, I'm pretty sure I had another one of those brain thingies the other day. Pulses or whatever the hell you're all calling them. I don't think I remembered anything? But I did find some kinda... thing. On my table.

[he holds up a small metal egg shaped thingy and turns it over in his hands a couple times. It's got three little pink dots on it and a flat underside. Exciting, right?]

So, I... think it's a big paperweight? I mean, it looks like something's supposed to plug in to the bottom of it, and I think the top's supposed to open, but I have no fucking clue. So fuck it, I'm just gonna call it a paperweight. Anyway, I figure you people have more experience with this kinda shit than I do, and maybe I'd luck out and one of you punks would recognize it. Never know until I ask. SO.

[Ray kind of obnoxiously waggles the thing in front of the camera for a second.]

Look familiar? Anybody? Anyone wanna help me crack it open with a hammer or something?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

chill out. he's an indoor cat, he doesn't get out to fight other cats often.

do you take your cat on walks

Dude hell yes he loves walkies. But he hates his harness. Tough shit cat you're not allowed to get lost outside.

...alright.
you've got my stamp of approval.
you are slightly less shitty than the average trash that frequents this network.
who are you?
tell me about your weird metalegg thing.

damn right i do my cat is more important than PEOPLE

i'm ray zimmerman and my egg is a mystery. I'm still trying to see if i can open it.

i have a gun.
want me to try shooting it?

See, i have a gun too. i don't want to ruin this thing so i think I'm going to put off shooting at it

for now

try shanking it.

shanking or shaking? I thought SHANKING was reserved for PEOPLE

i feel like it's perfectly legit to shank a mysterious metallic ghostegg.
what if it hatches?
what if something horrible comes out?

I doubt it's an actual egg. Unless robots hatch from eggs now.

they might.

Well then why would i get one. i didn't lay no metal egg. i ain't no metal dinosaur's mom.

are you sure

well no but

okay so what if this is my egg. i'm not going to shoot my baby robot dinosaur, that's just mean

look, there is nothing wrong with abortion, even if it's baby robot dinosaur abortion.
you're young.
you're unprepared to be a mother.
you don't have the time, energy, or means to care for this thing.
that's okay.

I'm going to raise this thing to eat people i don't like

i'm going to name him baby mecha godzilla and he will eat teenagers

you can't just expect your children to do what you want them to.
they have their own lives!
their own fucking dreams!
what if HE or SHE or WHATEVER GENDER PRONOUN THE BABY CHOOSES decides to be vegan??

what if the baby is ALLERGIC to teenagers?
you're a terrible parent and you should feel ashamed.

Baby Mecha Godzilla will be eating you first.

baby mecha godzilla is going to become my friend when i introduce him to the legal process of CHANGING HIS GODDAMN NAME.

I'm going to program baby mecha godzilla to step on you. It's a robot I can do that

that is literally slavery.
you are selling your future potential child to yourself for slavery.

Selling? Buddy, I got this thing for free.

But no, it's probably not an egg of any sort.

that

suddenly just made me really sad.
if you're not an egg robobaby mother, what *are* you?

i dunno man i'm nothing special as far as i know. just a guy with a thing

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