savetheearth | 02: laptop webcam video thinger

[Welcome to Ray's boring living room, folks, complete with cigarette smoke clouding up the picture. Totally classy, I know. There's not much going on other than a cat licking it's butt on the couch. Also classy. Ray isn't sorry.

After a couple seconds Ray flops into view, ungracefully plunking his ass down on the couch after shooing the cat away. Get out of here cat. The camera's angle is adjusted and now it is business time.]

So, I'm pretty sure I had another one of those brain thingies the other day. Pulses or whatever the hell you're all calling them. I don't think I remembered anything? But I did find some kinda... thing. On my table.

[he holds up a small metal egg shaped thingy and turns it over in his hands a couple times. It's got three little pink dots on it and a flat underside. Exciting, right?]

So, I... think it's a big paperweight? I mean, it looks like something's supposed to plug in to the bottom of it, and I think the top's supposed to open, but I have no fucking clue. So fuck it, I'm just gonna call it a paperweight. Anyway, I figure you people have more experience with this kinda shit than I do, and maybe I'd luck out and one of you punks would recognize it. Never know until I ask. SO.

[Ray kind of obnoxiously waggles the thing in front of the camera for a second.]

Look familiar? Anybody? Anyone wanna help me crack it open with a hammer or something?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

that's what a murderer would say.

You can't murder something if it's already dead.

they're *un*dead.
not dead-dead.

Are they sentient?

are dolphins *sentient*?

Do dolphin's eat people's fucking BRAINS?

fuck, you messed up my argumentative flow.
you're supposed to say YES DOLPHINS ARE SENTIENT and then i mention how things can communicate through other means that we don't understand etc etc.
but you know what/
i'll play on your turf too.
YES DOLPHINS CAN EAT PEOPLE'S BRAINS.
YOU CAN'T EXPECT OTHER SPECIES TO FOLLOW OUR FORMS OF MORALITY.

I live to disappoint.

See if a dolphin tried to eat my brain it would get the same treatment as the zombie. stay the fuck out of my brainmeat, and you don't get shot. It's simple.

that's so fucked up.
you are so fucked up.

Am I fucked up, or are all the things out for my BRAIN fucked up?

it's all you, buddy.

So you'd let a dolphin eat your brain? Would you let a zombie eat your brain? Maybe you're the one that's fucked up.

i don't believe in letting animals starve.

if they're so hungry they can go eat some goddamn fish

okay, that's legit.
why don't zombies eat fish?

Buoyancy.

if they're stuck at the bottom of the ocean, that means they can kinda...
get all the fish down there.
like flounder and stingrays and shit.

Well yeah, maybe if they're older zombies, but by then it would probably be decaying pretty quickly. if it's a FRESH zombie, it's gonna float.

Either way, they wouldn't be able to move fast under water, the fish would all get away.

wait, wait, back it up.
i still have questions here!
why would a zombie float?
they don't have air in their lungs!
dead bodies sink, don't they?
that's why mobsters have to put them in concrete.

No, see, mobsters do the concrete thing because dead bodies float. They don't need air in their lungs, the guts and shit decaying causes gas to build up. Thus, floating zombies.

now i realize my faulty logic.
holy shit i'm a moron.
wow.

Hey, no big deal. You learn something new every day.

02: laptop webcam video thinger

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