Adventure 06 | Voice

[italktofish]

Hello, everyone! I've got a bit of, er, well, a situation, and I'd like a little advice.

Does anyone know of a place that might be able to do bathroom renovations for cheap? My tub's a bit on the small side for a guy of my size, and, well, if I'm going to be sleeping in there from now on, then I need something a bit more comfortable!

Comments

[Video]

[italktofish]

BIG? REALLY?

[Turning around to look.]

Maybe it's just these jeans...THAT'S IT! I need NEW PANTS! A DECENT PAIR OF PANTS!

[No, Arthur, you need to echo back your superhero physique cut down on the fried food.]

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Nnnnnno, that's not right at all. You need a diet, bro. Maybe a good exercise plan.

Unless you're happy with your butt. In which case, carry on.

[Video]

[italktofish]

Hey, I'll have you know I've gone vegetarian since I started being able to talk to sea creatures, AND I'm doing more swimming these days! It's already being taken care of!

[Milkshakes and french fries are totally vegetarian cuisine, he's just saying.]

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

You know going vegetarian isn't necessarily healthier for you, right?

...But if you can talk to animals and shit, I guess you wouldn't want to eat them, huh.

Swimming, though! Swimming is good.

[Video]

[italktofish]

Hey, it's gotta be better than getting a Whopper for lunch every day!

[The people at Burger King do wonder what happened to him...]

And that's right--I'd feel TERRIBLE knowing I was eating someone I'd talked to earlier!

Ah, swimming's OUTRAGEOUS! I should have started that long ago!

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Suddenly that shitty McDonald's fish sandwich I had for lunch is making me sad.

[ah well]

I hear it's really good if you have bad joints. Maybe I should give it a go.

...As long as you're not at the pool.

[Video]

[italktofish]

Fish sandwich? Well, if it was from McDonald's, it may not have even been fish in the first place...

[He just strongly prefers Burger King, okay?]

Why wouldn't you want to come to the pool when I'm there! I'll have you know I'm an OUTRAGEOUS swimming partner!

Re: [Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

I just went from sad to kind of wanting to puke. Thanks.

[Burger King more like BLUUUGHHHGHRger King]

I think you just answered that question for me, dude.

[Video]

[italktofish]

Hey, it's not my fault they might be getting their meat from OTHER SOURCES!

I did? HOW?

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

I'm convinced their burgers aren't made of animals at all.

Your OUTRAGEOUSNESS might blow me right out of the water.

[Video]

[italktofish]

They certainly taste like they might be badly-seasoned imitation leather...

[Hmmm...HE SHOULD LOOK INTO THAT.]

But I practice POOL SAFETY and haven't cannonballed since that one time they threatened to kick me out!

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

No way, dude. That's too classy for them. It's more like cardboard.

...Okay, why did they threaten to kick you out for that?

[Video]

[italktofish]

...you DO have a point there.

Turns out they don't like it if you cannonball into those little pools that you're only supposed to lie around in!

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Damn right I do.

Wait wait, you canonballed into a kiddy pool? Did you crush any kids?

[Video]

[italktofish]

No, it wasn't the KIDDY POOL! It was...you know, one of those small ones adults sit around and drink in? The little heated ones?

Well, I'd had a couple of those drinks, and one thing led to another...

[There's a chuckle. Good times, good times...]

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

A hot tub? With like the little water jets and shit?

See, this is why I'm mot going to go swimming with you.

[Video]

[italktofish]

SOMETHING like that, sort of...

It's okay! I'm not going to do THAT again! Don't want any more weird-looking bruises, anyway.

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

What. Ass bruises?

[Video]

[italktofish]

No, they were more on my thighs...kind of hard to see if my rear gets bruised anyway with the tattoo...

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

[Ray opens his mouth like he wants to say something

Closes it

then does it again]

...So, when you said your ass was outrageous...

I...

I don't know how to respond.

No wait, I got it.

What's the tattoo?

[Video]

[italktofish]

Well, you see, it's a bit COMPLICATED...see, at the time, I thought a tattoo of the moon on my butt would be HILARIOUS if I ever needed to moon anyone, but then the moon started to look kind of LONELY...

[Dare you ask more, Ray? DARE YOU?]

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Please tell me you didn't get this tattoo recently. You were drunk in college, right? You got it when you were young and stupid, right?

[RAY DARES]

What else is there?

[Video]

[italktofish]

Of COURSE I was drunk in college! I got this tattoo over a couple of MONTHS of being drunk in college!

[There's a quiet chuckle.]

Man, those were some great parties...

[And he'll clear his throat and get back to describing the tattoo. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO ESCAPE, RAY.]

So the moon looked lonely, right? So I had a solar system put in...even if the moon was big and oversized and STILL looked lonely...so then I figured, hey, why not get some wolves howling at the moon? Only they couldn't be NORMAL wolves, because NORMAL wolves weren't OUTRAGEOUS enough. So there are three MERMAID WOLVES howling at the moon!

[Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

[Ray just squints. No. This is unbelievable. IMPOSSIBLE.]

Show me.

[RAY FEARS NOTHING HE DOESN'T NEED TO ESCAPE.]

[Video]

[italktofish]

Well, if you insist!

[Arthur turns around and cheerfully moons Ray.

That sure is a tattoo just like he described, all right.]