01: phone textage

[synonymouswithdookie]

So after a few months of being in complete denial that I am quite possibly at least a little bit insane, I decided to check out this... magical psychic hotline number network thingy. Or whatever it is. I've come to the conclusion that you are all straight up batshit, and that I probably shouldn't have bothered for the sake of my own mental well being.

But fuck it. Work's dead and I don't have anything better to do right now.

But no seriously are you real people or am I just texting my brand new imaginary friends or something. Maybe you are people. Maybe you're evil telemarketers, and telemarketer technology has advanced to the point of transmitting numbers directly into people's brains. Or no better yet, maybe it's an elaborate government spy tool or something. I don't THINK anyone drilled anything into my skull during basic, but it could happen. Maybe THE MAN is watching me text crazyness to myself RIGHT NOW through my own brain.

Dear Government, if this is you get the fuck out of my brain before I set you on fire.

(just in case this IS the government, i won't actually set you on fire I'M SORRY)

Comments

[Text]

[shiromadoushi]

Bakura.

You take all the fun of this, you know.

video;

[hollowleg]

Well, it's giving up before you've even begun, for one thing! We gotta like... protect the earth and stuff.

video;

[synonymouswithdookie]

I've got a bum leg and work in a coffee shop, the fuck am I gonna do to protect the Earth? Are we getting paid for this?

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

YOU TAKE PLEASURE FROM FUCKING WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS? YOU'RE SICK.

[Text]

[shiromadoushi]

Like you've never screwed around with a newbie just because you could. Human nature.

[synonymouswithdookie]

Damn right I have. God damn McDonald's. Think you own the world, huh? WE'LL SHOW YOU, YOU SHITTY CLOWN.

No i actually have no idea what you're talking about, pal.

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

maybe once. or twice. but never over anything important!

[Text]

[shiromadoushi]

Like you would have listened even if I had gone right into info mode?

Besides. You got the FAQ.

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Yes. Yes I did. I don't know why I'm still talking to you.

[Text]

[shiromadoushi]

Because work is slow and you haven't anything better to do.

So. You got my name, what's yours?

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Ray Zimmerman, Destroyer of Souls.

[Text]

[shiromadoushi]

Welcome to Wonderland, Ray Zimmerman, Destroyer of Souls. As reward for surviving all my jackassery, you may ask 3 questions that I will attempt to answer to the best of my ability.

video;

[hollowleg]

Well, if you're lucky, you'll get some sort of power or weapon or something... if you're not, you'll end up like me. Puking up guts, losing all my teeth, and craving raw meat and metal. [a pause] Crapshoot, really. My girlfriend-thing has robot arms, though.

video;

[synonymouswithdookie]

See robot arms would be cool.

What're you, some kinda zombie? Are you serious?

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

oh snap that's so nice of you.

[all sarcasm all the time]

actually I don't have any right now that nice little FAQ thing seems to have covered everything. I'll get back to you on that.

video {iphone}

[ursoreckless]

[here, have a strange looking Japanese guy dressed in samurai armor branish a katana at the screen]

Evil demon how dare you disturb me in my moment of glory!

Re: video {iphone}

[synonymouswithdookie]

[I'll see your strange looking japanese guy and raise you one pissed off/confused barista]

So this town really is just insane, isn't it.

[Text]

[soulsborderline]

Our records show you drive a 1998 Honda Civic like a loser who can't afford a better car. Is this correct?

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

Setting the government on fire sounds like an awful idea.

And dangerous!

And generally bad for the economy!

Please don't set the government on fire.

We'd really appreciate it!

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

WRONG it's a '99 Honda Accord. Nice try, punk.

Re: [Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Oh God there's two of them.

Re: [Video]

[originaloddcouple]

Uh... yes, yes there are.

[...]

I'm Miria Dian...

And I'm Isaac Dian...

[...]

Y'alright?

Re: [Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

I'm great. I'm perfect. Just pretty sure I'm going a little insane is all. Are you folks as crazy as the rest of these people?

...That's not a very polite thing to ask, is it.

Re: [Video]

[originaloddcouple]

[Suddenly very nervous Thanks Ray]

I'd... hope we aren't crazy.

Because we're not.

Right! We're normal!

Totaly weirdness free!

Ahahahahaha!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

[Laughter continues.]

Re: [Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

...Somehow I'm not convinced.