savetheearth | text ==> video;

text ==> video;

So I believe I recently made an incredibly unfortun8 error in judgement and declared the pink light pulse to be the worst pulse ever. What with the buzzing and the migraine I got l8r and the assumption that I didn't get shit from it. I thought it was a bust! A stupid dumb lamey-lame loser pulse for chumps.
8ut! As of today, certain things have come to light. I am an incredibly m8ture and modest individual and this is me st8ting publically, for the record, that I was ABSOLUTELY WRONG. 8)

[ At this point, the message switches to Shitty Webcamovision! Particularly observant viewers might spot Octavia's trademark red shoes off in the top-left of the screen. Most people, on the other hand, will probably just notice the HUGE-ASS PILE OF TREASURE SHE'S STANDING ON HOLY SHIT WHAT. ]

Hey, guys.

Check out my sweet booty.

[ With that - and a magnificent shit-eating grin - she literally rolls out of sight of the camera, giggling like a loser. BEST ECHO EVER. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She, uh. Kind of hit on me. In pretty much the creepiest way possible.

I want to die but not until after I kill her. What did she do. What did she say. DID SHE TOUCH YOU TELL ME SHE DIDN'T TOUCH YOU OH MY GOD I HATE MY LIFE AGAIN I HATE EVERYTHING I WANT TO DIE

OH MY FUCKING GOD NO SHE DID NOT TOUCH ME AND I DON'T REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID I WAS SO CREEPED OUT AND SHE WAS LOOKING AT ME LIKE SHE WANTED TO EAT ME SO I JUST PRETENDED I NEEDED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND THAT'S ALL THAT HAPPENED.

BEE ARR BEE.

[ Oh no she's doing her scaryface

And stomping off

BABBY'S FIRST MURDER INCOMING ]

OCTAVIA DO NOT MURDER YOUR MOM

[ And eight minutes later, she's back! Looking incredibly pleased with herself. ]

Your innocence has been avenged! You're welcome.

...What did you do?

[Because if murder happened that would be ~~hot~~ terrible.]

Well first I was like. Trying to scream at her? But she was just staring at her tea all zoned-out-like. I think she's on drugs.

So I mind-controlled her into spilling her stupid shitty drug-tea all over her brand-new Prada dress.

Oh. Okay, that's cool.

[Huh, it should be more of a relief that she didn't do anything worse. Weird. OH WELL]

...Are you disappointed?

[ 8O

8OOOOOOOOOO ]

What? No! Why would I be disappointed?

[He genuinely wants to know because wow, why the fuck would he be?]

Iunno! Like maybe you were too traumatised for that to count as revenge and I should have done something worse! Maybe I should have made her pay.

You kind of already did, though! You ruined her dress, that's plenty enough revenge. And anyway, it's not like it was the most traumatic thing ever or anything.

I kind of feel like real revenge should be like. Punchier.

[ Or involve hardcore maiming and cycles of revenge and ]

Oh. Uh.

[Actually punching sounds kind of awesome.]

I. I guess? But you can't just punch your mom.

But imagine if I could, Alan. Imagine.

[ DREAMY SIGH TO END ALL DREAMY SIGHS~ ]

[Oh, he's imagining it. He's imagining the shit out of it. He might even be doing a little dreamy sighing of his own.]

[ wow ok ]

I'd, uh. Punch her super hard. In the face. While shouting at her! About revenge and. Stuff. I might even punch her twice. Eight times.

[ 8Ia ]

Uh-huh.

[Okay yes now there is definitely dreamy sighing. And a distant look in his eyes. And wow this might be getting kind of weird.]

[ Guess who is okay with weird

PIRATE TINKERBELL MESSIAH GIRL IS ]

...At least eight times. Maybe raise a couple of bruises! Wow. And do you know what I would do then, Alan?

[OCTAVIA NO]

[Alan just makes a little "mm?" sound. From how distant and distracted he's looking, one might think he's not even really listening.]

[ Shhh. That's fine. Totally fine. Placid smiling intensifies. ]

Well. I would take my punching hand, still covered with blood and spit and bits of teeth, and I would touch your face with it, and I would whisper ALAN ARE YOU GETTING OFF TO THOUGHTS OF ME PUNCHING MY MOM.

-What?

You heard me! Or is it just punching people in general? Do you have a punch fetish? Should I be punching you more?

NO! I wasn't- I don't- no!

[Whoops, freaking out just a little.]

I just- I was thinking about something else! And not getting off oh my god.

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