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video; via smartphone

Hah! Hah! Fuck all of you assholes with your stupid dumb fancypants power shit. Fuck you! Because I have a real superpower now. The best and most useful and cool and impressive one and you are all going to feel sorry for ever thinking my abilities were lame!

[ With a triumphant nyaaahh, Octavia sticks her tongue out at her phone and then turns it towards the TV. It's tuned in to one of those 24-hour live shopping channel broadcasts - a female presenter is currently hawking overpriced fake jewellery to the viewers. ]

"...And this beautiful piece can be yours for only three hundred dollars! But even if you wear this overpriced piece of shit, you won't be as hot as Octavia."

[ While uttering her slightly-suspect words, the presenter has an unsettlingly slack look to her limbs and a completely vacant expression. It's creepy as hell. After she's done speaking she claps her hands over her mouth in surprise, and Octavia turns the phone back towards her own grinning face. ]

Haha! See? I toooooooold youuuuuuuu! I can make anybody do anything I want any time I want to and it is going to be amazing.

[ She may be exaggerating just a teensy bit. (Permissions post is here!) ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

NERDS CAN KILL.

I AM NOT CALLING MYSELF A NERD; I'M JUST STATING THAT FACT FOR THE RECORD.

YOU JUST ADMITTED YOU ARE A NERD.

I WAS SAYING THAT NERDS AND MYSELF SHARE A SINGLE TRAIT: THAT TRAIT IS THAT WE CAN BOTH FUCKING MURDER YOUR ASS WITH LETHAL FIREARMS.

YOU CAN TRY.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Seriously though if you actually come to my house with a gun I will kill you.

Why the fuck would I actually come to your house with a gun? That's illegal, you moron.

I know that's illegal. I'm just making sure you're not stupid enough to actually do that.

Look, I know there's some animosity between us, but the whole mugging thing wasn't my idea.

Ugh. I'd point out that you did go along with it, but it's probably for the best that you did.

You're welcome for that, by the way.

Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Though it's not like the whole thing was necessary in the first place...

I dunno. I still have my suspicions about you.

I thought the mugging thing confirmed that I'm not crazy.

You did just threaten to kill me.

You threatened to kill me first.

I didn't preface my death threat with "seriously."

It's not like I meant I'd actually literally kill you.

What if you actually literally accidentally kill me?

If I accidentally killed you that would be fucking horrible so it's a good thing that's not very likely.

Also illegal. Please acknowledge the illegality of killing me.

Yeah, it would also be illegal. That's another reason why I really don't want it to happen.

Okay, glad we cleared that up.

Sure, even though I'm not really sure why that needed to be cleared up in the first place. Seems kinda obvious to me.

You can never be too obvious, Alan. This is the most important thing you could ever learn from me.

(no subject)

wirsinddiejager - 2013-08-04 05:36 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only