savetheearth | 02: laptop webcam video thinger

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02: laptop webcam video thinger

[Welcome to Ray's boring living room, folks, complete with cigarette smoke clouding up the picture. Totally classy, I know. There's not much going on other than a cat licking it's butt on the couch. Also classy. Ray isn't sorry.

After a couple seconds Ray flops into view, ungracefully plunking his ass down on the couch after shooing the cat away. Get out of here cat. The camera's angle is adjusted and now it is business time.]

So, I'm pretty sure I had another one of those brain thingies the other day. Pulses or whatever the hell you're all calling them. I don't think I remembered anything? But I did find some kinda... thing. On my table.

[he holds up a small metal egg shaped thingy and turns it over in his hands a couple times. It's got three little pink dots on it and a flat underside. Exciting, right?]

So, I... think it's a big paperweight? I mean, it looks like something's supposed to plug in to the bottom of it, and I think the top's supposed to open, but I have no fucking clue. So fuck it, I'm just gonna call it a paperweight. Anyway, I figure you people have more experience with this kinda shit than I do, and maybe I'd luck out and one of you punks would recognize it. Never know until I ask. SO.

[Ray kind of obnoxiously waggles the thing in front of the camera for a second.]

Look familiar? Anybody? Anyone wanna help me crack it open with a hammer or something?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

bring the cat back.

Hey fuck you this is my show. Cookie Monster's busy licking his butt right now.

SHOW ME THE FUCKING CAT, YOU CONTENTIOUS BASTARD.
the cat is far more interesting than figuring out your stupid haunted ghostegg thing.

PISS OFF BUTTLICK MY HAUNTED GHOSTEGG IS A BIG DEAL! I'M HAVING A CRISIS HERE

YOUR HAUNTED GHOSTEGG IS LITERALLY THE LEAST INTERESTING THING THAT HAS EVER EXISTED.
IT IS LITERALLY MORE UNINTERESTING THAN YOUR CAT LICKING HIS BUTT (YOUR CAT IS THE ONLY REAL BUTTLICK IN THIS CONVERSATION, WE ALL KNOW IT TO BE TRUE).
IT IS LITERALLY MORE UNINTERESTING THAN YOUR PALTRY ATTEMPT AT CAPSLOCK CONVERSATIONALLY INSPIRED FRUSTRATION.
IT IS LITERALLY MORE UNINTERESTING THAN THOSE TERRIBLE SWIFFER COMMERCIALS WITH THE HIDEOUS OLD COUPLE WHO REJOICE OVER THE MUNDANE INTRODUCTION OF CLEANING MATERIALS INTO THEIR DYING MARRIAGE.

NOW, LISTEN HERE YOU EGREGIOUS MORONIC PLAGUE.

SHOW
ME
THE
CAT.

you know what fine here you go

[Ray turns the camera on the cat on the other side of the couch. He's just licking his butt and making gross kitty slurpy butt lick sounds. God damn cat.]

Edited 2013-10-08 03:01 (UTC)

omg what a cutie.
what's her/his/identifiedgender name?

Cookie Monster.

My baby brother named him.

okay, that's legit the worst name ever.
and my cousin has a cat named fish.
cookie monster is just destroying whatever dignity that cat might possess.

Hey hey, he makes up for it by beating the shit out of every other cat that fucks with him.

Plus chicks think it's adorable. It would be really helpful if I was ever looking to pick up chicks.

wow, okay, you need to teach cookie monster some fucking manners.
beating the shit out of other cats is not okay behavior.

chill out. he's an indoor cat, he doesn't get out to fight other cats often.

do you take your cat on walks

Dude hell yes he loves walkies. But he hates his harness. Tough shit cat you're not allowed to get lost outside.

...alright.
you've got my stamp of approval.
you are slightly less shitty than the average trash that frequents this network.
who are you?
tell me about your weird metalegg thing.

damn right i do my cat is more important than PEOPLE

i'm ray zimmerman and my egg is a mystery. I'm still trying to see if i can open it.

i have a gun.
want me to try shooting it?

See, i have a gun too. i don't want to ruin this thing so i think I'm going to put off shooting at it

for now

try shanking it.

shanking or shaking? I thought SHANKING was reserved for PEOPLE

i feel like it's perfectly legit to shank a mysterious metallic ghostegg.
what if it hatches?
what if something horrible comes out?

I doubt it's an actual egg. Unless robots hatch from eggs now.

they might.

Well then why would i get one. i didn't lay no metal egg. i ain't no metal dinosaur's mom.

are you sure

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