Video | In Which Doppelgangers Ruin Everything

[originaloddcouple]

[There is a man. A very very scared man in a dark room. Tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth. The camera facing him shuffles a bit before finding a steady place to observe the scene. Within seconds, Miria appears, wearing an expression of pure derision and contempt not usually found on her.

She also has a gun and seems pretty content to point it in the man’s direction. She places herself behind the man, giving the network a look that suggested she was talking to children.]

Here’s a little tip for you all. Life is an pit. An endless, dark abyss of filth and decay. And in that abyss are the masses, crawling and shoving over each other, all so desperate to reach the top. Occasionally, some members of the masses attempt to convince themselves that they’re friends and that means they shouldn’t push and shove anymore. Maybe they even believe it, until the people at the top of the pit provide proper encouragement.

[She fondles the gun a little before pressing it to the man’s temple.]

That’s you. Lying ignorant in your pit, while the few that escape can only shake their heads in pity at the sinful, disgusting actions of those below.

[She smirks softly.] And those above? Those gifted with incredible power, those above that recognize the true nature of the world and learn how to shape it to their wi-

[There’s a sudden gunfire and the man’s head explodes. Miria jumps back in surprise before glaring at a figure off-screen. She opens her mouth to retaliate before being interrupted by several bullets.

That’s about when Isaac races up to her collapsed body and starts kicking her repeatedly.]

You THINK you can fucking SHOOT ME and RUN with MY FUCKING MONEY?!"

[He eventually stops to take a deep breath. Its at this point he notices the camera.]

Oh great. Now I have you people to worry about too. Delightful.

[He casually leans back, sitting on top of the corpse, smiling triumphantly.] That’s the perks of immortality though. There’s not a damn thing any of you worms could do to sto-

[He suddenly leaps backward in pain as the revived Miria bites his foot, hanging on like a maniac.]

Fucking- YOU BITCH!

MMMEATH UHHH MIIIIC!

[The Harvents quickly descends into an all-out brawl.]

Comments

[Video]

[charcoalfeather]

[So]

[guess who is watching all of this]

[with the most horrified expression imaginable]

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

[Can't see anyone freaking out, too busy beating the shit out of each other.]

[Video]

[charcoalfeather]

[No no no no no no no no no]

I-Isaac! Miria! Stop!

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

[They freeze in surprise, Miria's hand on Isaac's face and Isaac's arm rearing back for a punch.]

Oh look, lonely freak #48.

Hiiiiiii, lonely freak #48!

[Miria's voice momentarily took on that usual Dian enthusiasm only... different. Turned warped and mocking. Wrong.]

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

[They were just going through the normal search, making sure everyone's doing okay with all these evil doubles around.

And then they saw this.

They should've expected it. They really should've. But the possibility of their own evil doubles had never even occurred to them. After all, they were terrible people, never doing enough to help as they could. But this... this is sickening.

They thought they were going to be sick before, but then they spotted Rakka freaking out. They really should have texted her privately, to make sure these doubles couldn't see it. But they got distracted, they couldn't stand to imagine a single second Rakka could be in fear.]

RAKKA!

I-ITS OKAY! WE PROMISE!

DID THEY HURT YOU?!

[Video]

[charcoalfeather]

[Rakka was still reeling by the time Isaac and Miria find her. She could hardly believe what she was hearing from the people she'd thought of as.... It couldn't be. It really couldn't.

And then she got another reply from them. Her heart sank, seeing them looking actually... concerned. But, was it really them?]

G-guys? Is that really you?! If this is some kind of trick, I'm turning my phone off!

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

Its us!

W-w-we're not...

We p-promise we wouldn't ever...

[You know. Murder people.]

[Video]

[lovesickkiller]

[The first portion of Misa's reaction simply contains a lot of screaming.]

AHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Eventually she progresses to stuttering.]

You can't- That's murder! Double- we all saw that you can't do that!! There's video evidence and DNA everywhere, even if the justice system here is totally incompetent that still, you won't get away with this!! How are you even still alive?!

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

[They pause here and look at the screaming person in irritation.]

Would you shut up?!

[But then they catch that last part and grin with a disturbing amount of malice.]

Its funny, isn't it?

I mean what could you people do?

All of our DNA just comes right back!

And every time we die... [They immediately pull out their guns and shoot each other in the head.]

[Video] > [Audio] this tag is gross sorrry

[lovesickkiller]

[One second the video is focussed on Misa's stricken face, then she disappears from the frame. Wet retching noises follow. It was horrifying enough seeing the first man die, but watching two heads take the brunt of close-range bullets and splatter is more than her stomach can handle; without even touching on the terrible memory of her parents being murdered that resonates and comes to the surface.]

[But, wait, she didn't see that. Misa was away at school when her parents were murdered, yet seeing this video has her remembering the sight of their corpses as if she was in the room with them.]

Ugh...

[Dizziness and confusion over phantom memories aren't helping anything, but there are still murderers to deal with. Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, Misa shakily grabs for her phone and switches the feed to audio-only. It's a little late now, but broadcasting her face to killers wasn't the best idea. And she isn't going to let anyone see her looking like this.]

You... you will be punished, murderers...

[Though short of a missile being dropped, Misa has no idea how that could be accomplished.]

[Video]/[Audio]

[originaloddcouple]

[Before long the blood has returned to their skulls and everything has reattached themselves and the couple is back on their feet, giggling like maniacs at Misa's clear horror.]

That's adorable. You're adorable!

I have to ask though: how?

C'mon, let's hear your creative thoughts!

Lock us up, perhaps?

How many decades can you pulls that off when someone gets a little too curious to see what you've been hiding?

And that's assuming we just don't tear off some body parts and toss ourselves out!

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

THAT'S NOT-

[Er wait.]

Sorry, do we know you?

[Audio]

[lovesickkiller]

[What now.]

I don't have to know you to have a problem with murder!

[Audio]

[originaloddcouple]

[OH NO OH NO OH HECK OH GOLLY.]

Sorry! We're really really sorry!

We should've been on the look-out for them and made sure they didn't do stuff like that and know they exist and now they've hurt people and and and really really hurt people so much that they can't get better and and

We should've known and found them and stopped them and its all our fault and we're really really sorry!

[Good job explaining guys. Top notch work.]

[video]

[grannyfucker]

Jesus! What the fuck?!

You two were supposed to be the--the dream team! The, you know, the power couple! The name portmanteau! What the fuck happened?

[video]

[originaloddcouple]

[Oh hey, it's Jovan. This catches their attention from something other than beating each other up.]

You should know better than anyone!

C'mon, don't tell me you haven't thought about it! There's no consequences for the likes of us!

We get to exist on a level above anyone and everyone!

[video]

[grannyfucker]

Oh, Christ.

[That idea of their actions having no consequences, of being able to do whatever they want--it makes him think of the thieving and murder he was involved in in his past life, whatever kind of psycho he must have been.

As douchey as he might be, he's been trying hard to at least not become that. He just likes to poke fun, he's not interested in hurting anyone or anything!]

That's not a reason to start shooting people!

[video]

[originaloddcouple]

But is there a reason not to?

[video]

[originaloddcouple]

Jovan! Evil doubles are happening!

[Getting straight to the point.]

[video]

[grannyfucker]

What? What?

[Video] Doppelganger

[charcoalfeather]

[A low, drawn out groan of pure resentment.]

It's you assholes!

[Video] Doppelganger

[originaloddcouple]

Oh, back to preach some more?

Or do we need to remind you of your sheer insignificance?

[They seem to be attempting to move the body at this point.]

[Video] Doppelganger

[charcoalfeather]

You don't have to fucking remind me of anything. I wish I could just leave you both at the bottom of the ocean!

[Of course, she couldn't. And Raye probably wouldn't listen to her...]

[Video] Doppelganger

[originaloddcouple]

[The Dians stare at the feed.

No. They can't deal with this today.

And they avoid this part of the network post for the remainder of the day, feeling incredibly guilty throughout.]

[Video] Doppelganger

[charcoalfeather]

What is it now? You can't think of any new stuff to call me or insult me with?

[...Are they.. gone? Huh.

Okay... That's. That's fine.]