Aftermath / Closed

[oncedevil]

Who: Tony and Richard
What: A much needed chat and a midnight snack
Where: Richard's house
When: Backdated to about 12/5/14
Warnings: Cute stupid feelings and maybe some talk of gore and shootings. To be updated if necessary.

Finally Tony was beginning to feel more like himself, well, as much like himself as he possibly could given the circumstances these days. Sometimes he still worried if by the end of it all would he still be himself or someone else entirely. Would he like that person, would he be proud to be that person? He didn't know. Whatever it was it wasn't human, for better or worse that had kept him alive but also been the reason he'd gotten into this trouble in the first place.

These thoughts kept him up. He'd already spilled what nonsense he could get out of his head into his journal, rolled around in bed fruitlessly, and eventually gave up on trying to get any sleep. Too much to think about, and now his stomach was demanding attention. Ever since his injury he'd been a bottomless pit. He hated bothering Richard with it, so tiptoed his way quietly into the kitchen, careful not to turn on too many lights or make too much noise while he rummaged around for something to eat.

Richard had enough to deal with these days, he deserved his rest.

Comments

[brotimaeus]

"... Okay."

The admission is surprising, but it's quickly covered. Richard isn't too good at this - his own emotions these days are confusing at best - but he puts an arm around Tony and rubs his shoulder. Difficult or not, Tony's his kid.

"If you don't wanna talk about it, you don't have to, but you know you can, yeah?"

[oncedevil]

It isn't easy by any means, but Tony's been holding on to everything for so long it's getting unbearable to keep up. He's already had one breakdown around L, and he'd like to avoid having another. There's a point, when you're exhausted emotionally and it's far too late or far too early to keep fighting anymore.

Tony would just like for things to make a little sense for a change. Tony shifts to lean into him, huffing a tired sigh. He'd not been hiding it well at all, had he?

"Wouldn't even know what to talk about. Sorry I keep gettin' myself into trouble, jus' wanted to do something myself for a change." Instead of relying on everyone else to pick him up.

And in the end that was what happened anyway.

[brotimaeus]

"I know things have been tough for you, and.. I'm no good at this shit." If Tony could be honest then he could return the favour. This has been hard on them both, and in hindsight the last thing he should have done was hope that the kid would come around to talking about it on his own.

Still, he's not driving for a breakdown. Just a talk.

"But you ain't disappointed me yet. I'm proud of you, li'l man."

[oncedevil]

Don't feel bad, Richard, Tony isn't any good at it either. He lets out a bit of a rueful chuff, nodding in sympathy. At least they're giving it their best shot. But no, there really wasn't any way Tony was going to talk about it on his own. Bottle it up like a champion, but not talk.

Thank goodness he'd like to avoid another one.

"Wha- you are?" By his tone it's clear he's surprised by that. Why the hell would he be proud? Tony hasn't achieved anything noteworthy, at least not in his mind.

[brotimaeus]

"Tch, sure I am." By the way he says it, you'd think he can barely believe that Tony would ever think anything different. He smiles, half-forces a little sound almost like a laugh and glances over to the television for a moment. The movie is honestly bad enough that he isn't regretting not watching it.

There are more important things to talk about right now.

"You're the best damn thing I ever did with my life."

[oncedevil]

"Why?" As in, seriously, what is there to be proud of about him? He's not accomplished much of anything, certainly not like what Richard had. Frankly Tony finds himself to be a huge disappointment. He can't even keep his own brain in check, much less excel at anything useful.

The movie is quite bad, Tony's not really paying attention either. Really he'd just wanted a snack anyway, movie was just a bonus. A small smile does break through at that last comment though, a little touched.

"You mean it? You don't regret it? I know I've been a lot of trouble for you..."

[brotimaeus]

"You've been worth it," he shoots back, ruffling one hand over the top of Tony's white hair. As selfish as it might be, he's happy that the kid is still on the network, even with the trouble it causes for both of them.

"Look, I'm not gonna say it's not been hard work. A lot of this has been a damned mess, but..."

A sigh. Yeah, he really is bad at this. There are things he wants to say but they're sticking in his throat. "You're my kid, and I love you, and I'm always gonna be proud of you."

[oncedevil]

Tony's glad as well, and very thankful Richard's still there. If he wasn't he'd be so much more lost than he is. At this point, despite all the horror, he's fairly certain that losing his echoes would be worse than staying.

A few moments of silence before Tony shifts to slump against Richard. Neither of them are good at this, but this is the best he can offer as far as comfort goes. No good with words, but sometimes presence is enough to get the point across.

"Even when I run face first into bullets?" He huffs ruefully, scrubbing at his nose with his sleeve.

[brotimaeus]

"Even when you're doing that," he tells him gently, wrapping his arm comfortably around Tony when he leans against him. It's definitely enough.

"I know you're not doin' any of that shit on purpose."

He picks up another nacho, examining it for a few moments before popping it into his mouth. "And I'm not gonna give up on you. I reckon you need to hear that too."

[oncedevil]

With some stretching, he snatches another nacho for himself as well. Still hungry, emotionally distressed but also hungry.

"Just wish I could do something about it."

He's tried, but when that fury kicks in there's no stopping it. He just wished he knew how his other did it, then maybe he could do the same. Damn it all.

Oh no. That... yes... that he needed to hear. And even though it brings a bit of a burn to his eyes and a tingle in his throat he's grateful, it means the world. He's been given up on so many times he's constantly expecting it to happen again, waiting and dreading the day that he's just too much work to bother with anymore. Of course, that ingrained needle of doubt will still take time to go away completely, it still helps to have the reassurance. "...Thank you." Murmured quietly, but there all the same.

[brotimaeus]

At least he was still eating. That was a good sign for the conversation, he thought.

Richard might not have been good at this, not really, but he was drawing on the kinds of things that he would have wanted to be told when he was Tony's age and not even going through half the shit he was. What would have have done, then, to have someone tell him that they were proud of him?

"Don't mention it," he replied quietly, gently hugging him closer. "Just want you to believe I mean it, okay?"

[oncedevil]

With the way his hunger was since the attack (or since his healing kicked in, that's the more likely culprit) Tony will probably eat no matter what. He might have to, for all he knows.

It helps, it really does. It means the world to Tony to know someone he loves and respects as much as Richard is proud of him. He's still not exactly sure of what or why, but maybe he can figure that out. If he does, he can keep making him proud, right? Maybe.

"I believe you. You wouldn't waste your time lyin' to me." Richard wasn't the type, besides what would he have to gain if he did? It felt nice to be wanted, and helped to soothe those flight instincts back down into something more tolerable. It's hard not running away from problems when that's what you've done your whole life. He's doing well though, right? He's only run away that one time.

[brotimaeus]

"Damn right I wouldn't." Sure, he lied sometimes and he was a damned good liar when he needed to be, but about something like that? Never. Tony was a bright kid, he'd realise quickly enough that Richard's actions weren't matching up to his words.

"So don't worry about it. Worry about other things if you want, but not that."

If the only result of this was that Tony had one less thing to worry about, then he was happy about that.

[oncedevil]

Everyone lied sometimes, it was just a fact of life. But when it came to something important like whether or not you were proud of someone or were making an important promise like this it would be cruel to lie. Besides, he'd figure it out pretty quick. He may lack formal education, but Tony wasn't stupid.

"Got plenty to worry about these days." What he's turning into, what they're all up against. His little surrogate family he's managed to build. His own messed up head. Be nice to have a small load off his mind.

More room to focus on everything else? But still, that is a help, and he appreciates it.

[brotimaeus]

"You and me both," he mutters, thinking much the same thing as he turns his attention back to the movie, the nachos, and lightly ruffles his hand against the side of Tony's hair.

It's funny, he muses to himself behind the mindless way he soaks in the quite frankly terrible movie, the way your life can go. People think they're in control, but if he's learned anything over the past year or so it's that that thought couldn't be further from the truth.

"Hey, if we ever get to sleep, you wanna head out tomorrow? We can do somethin' dumb."

[oncedevil]

Tony could have told him that, hell Tony's an excellent example of exactly that. Life isn't under any sort of control, and what small parts you do try to control tend to go horribly wrong. But, somehow, it's managed to sort itself out this time. He certainly can't argue with the outcome so far. Barring a few small details.

At the mention Tony glances up at Richard, offering a tired smile. "...Yeah, yeah I'd like that. That sounds great." Going out, doing something dumb, disconnecting from everything for a little while. Yeah that is an excellent idea.