savetheearth | [open] Fourth Wall 1

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[open] Fourth Wall 1

Who: EVERYONE including visitors
What: This is the first general post for the fourth wall. This post is for network posts/conversations, logs and every other possible interaction, and visitors can top-level.
When: 2nd of January
Where: Everywhere inside the five echo boundaries.
Warnings: Please warn in the subject line of your threads if anything comes up!

Fourth Wall OOC information! As a reminder: Visitors may tag all posts tagged "-fourth wall" that are posted on

savetheearth.

Special things happening today: A sudden surge in Vermini and Vermedi activity! Some of them are aggressive towards the numbered and will attack, but some seem rather interested in herding or baiting people with numbers towards other people with numbers... They clearly want as many numbered as possible to be together or at least not be alone today.

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[Considering their flight from the Vermedi, and Nathan's generally cautious, almost fearful demeanour, he looks remarkably at ease here. Not completely relaxed, but the edge is off. He likes it here, he thinks. It's a reminder of a place where he'd been safe, even valued.

[Nathan is perfectly capable of assessing things quickly, but his scan of the room is slow, taking the time to drink it in more properly. His expression is soft, almost curious.

[It's perhaps a sign of his comfort level that he actually sits on a couch as opposed to one of the chairs.] I suppose you might. Though it's hardly an irregular thing to have not encountered one another for a number of years in a city this size.

[And after what had happened the last time they'd met.]

[Seeing the poor kid without being in a constant state of anxiety is, in itself, pretty calming. L's own anxiety can be bad enough without having to feel it secondhand for someone else. He smiles cautiously, then the expression gains confidence and strength and grows a little broader.

He folds himself up in an armchair across from the young man, tucking his knees against his chest.]

It's a big city, but I had expected to see you, at least, again in a span of...

[what had it been?]

...over 8 years. Were you afraid to find me?

[Association can work just as well for good things as it can for bad, sometimes. Wammy's House. For a name that should sound harsh, it instead brings comfort. It's odd. Almost funny.

[There's no answering smile from him. He's had so little reason to genuinely smile in some time, and it just doesn't come easily. He doesn't want to do his fake one for a pair of reasons. First, he would rather not be that dishonest. Second, that smile is, from much talk he has overheard, very "creepy".

[He notes the odd sitting posture. Lazarus hadn't done that when they'd had their game. Is that something that had developed over the years? Some physical ailment that renders the position more comfortable? Some psychological need to tuck himself away from others?

[There's a brief silence as Nathan considers the question, eyes unblinking. It would be a lie to say that he'd never wondered about Lazarus during all this time. That sameness in them, that connection isn't something easily forgotten, even for those with average memories. Nathan's memory is anything but average.]

For much of it . . . I do not know. More recently, I prefer to avoid places that attract trouble.

[Lazarus had become very public over the last year. Finding him? Easy. Nathan is quite sure he could have popped into Expresso Yourself and seen the man there any number of times. He'd even considered it more than once. But too much happens there. It's not safe.]

[The lack of an answering smile isn't a problem; expression is one of the social norms that L has the most difficulty with, and though he's certainly gotten better, his pale features still tend toward placid and rigid. Besides, though Nathan seems to be relatively at ease with his surroundings... he is an unhappy young man, as he was an unhappy child. No, maybe unhappy isn't the right word... perhaps it has deepened, sadly, to unfeeling.]

Tell me about how it's been. You don't have to go into detail, if you don't want to, but... what have you been doing, and how have you been keeping?

[He asks because he is concerned, and he cares, and he wishes to have insight to the life of someone he thinks could have helped him so much. They could have helped each other, kept each other from sinking when that was taking place, and Lazarus, in particular, had sunk very far, not even very long after their chess game.]

Are things at least better now than they were?

[Being unfeeling is something he's been moving toward. When the world repeatedly tries to hurt you, one sadly natural response is to attempt to make yourself unable to feel the pain. Retreat. Hide. You can't feel bad if you don't feel at all. The problem with that, of course, is that is sacrifices the good.

[But he's not there. Not quite.

[It's an unconscious gesture, his hand reaching up, fingers twisting into his hair. Here, his eyes do cast down a bit.] I'm out of the house. Away from him. We don't associate.

[That's the good part. He doesn't have to worry about that man anymore. It hadn't happened on the terms he had wanted, though.]

Graduated. Should be in college. Circumstances prevented it. [He will not get into how that had fallen apart. He shouldn't even have been in this city anymore. He'd been supposed to go away to school . . .] I'm looking after myself.

[It feels like too much about himself, and he mentions something on his own. An odd, banal non-sequitor, but he is curious.] You sit strangely now.

Edited 2015-01-07 07:22 (UTC)

[It's like looking through a mirror that's also a time machine; L's echoes have changed him so much, turned him into someone harder, tougher, more capable. Near is college-aged now, floundering, having difficulty, perhaps because of his home life, or money? There are a lot of potential guesses that could be partly or completely correct.]

I'm glad that you're free from what scared you most, the first time we met.

[The only time, but to call it that trivializes it, somehow, makes it sound like less than it was. It was more significant than dozens of meetings with someone more ordinary, and L is certain that Nathan would agree with him.]

How are you looking after yourself? Do you have a bed, are you eating regularly?

[He seems to be paying more attention to the fit of Nathan's clothes, looking for visible bones in his wrists and face. But the question for him is a distraction, and a fair one; L will interrogate a person to death if they let him, and he understands that he needs to reign back with Nathan. They've only just reconnected, and to frighten him away so soon would be terrible.]

Yes, it's... I did it once out of necessity, to sit at a particularly short table, and I remembered an old man with a hat and a mustache. Later, I got more back... his name was Watari and he helped my Other, as some kind of handler. Since it triggered an echo, I think that sitting like this was important to him, so... I started doing it more often, too.

Thank you. [Simple, barely inflected, but what inflection is there indicates genuine gratitude.

[The fingers keep twining in his hair. It's a soothing ritual he's had since he'd been very young.] I'm not on the street. I eat fine. [He's certainly very thin; his clothes do hang off of him. Though the latter is partially by design. He doesn't like the feel of fitted clothing. His appearance isn't entirely healthy, but he's not wasted.

[He means to listen intently while Lazarus answers, and he absolutely does -- until the name "Watari" is spoken. He goes hollow, heartbeat thrums in his head. His sudden stiffening will certainly not go unrecognized.

[And when it's over, he's silent for just a moment, turning over the meaning of this.] This place . . . does it remind you of somewhere else? Is that why you chose it?

[That's something they still have in common, the way their speech tends to sound like a flat monotone even when they truly feel a certain way.

He's glad to hear that Nathan isn't on the street, since that was his first concern... even if he's fairly sure the white-haired young man couldn't survive with what he knows of his skill set and survival abilities. He's already planning to ask about Nathan's living situation further, but his mention of Watari gets a very, very noticeable reaction. One that even those placid features and monotonous voice can't conceal from him.]

Yes... actually. It was some kind of orphanage, or boarding school in Winchester, Great Britain. I think my Other learned Russian there, among other things. Do you ask because it sounds familiar to you, as well?

[He doesn't like the feeling of receiving Echoes. That sudden emptiness is frightening, even as brief as it lasts. As time goes on, he might become accustomed to it, but it's only his fourth. It's still uncomfortable.]

Orphanage. Special in some way, so perhaps also a school. Was called Wammy's House. My . . . Other. [He slips fairly easily into the terminology. Clear and concise; just how he prefers to speak.] He grew up there. [A small, thoughtful pause before he feels the need to add:] It was a good place.

[Not that it's difficult to be better than what his home life here has been. It's perhaps a sad commentary on his life that he'd apparently been better off in the one where he'd been orphaned. But it quite neatly explains why Willow Ridge has relaxed him so much.]

Edited 2015-01-09 05:08 (UTC)

[L has become accustomed to it enough in the 35 echoes he's received, to the point where a decently unobtrusive one will not interrupt his day or thought process in the least. But he remembers what those first few were like, the way they made him reel and stagger and fall silent as he stared into someone else's life.]

"Wammy's House?"

[He sounds utterly mystified.]

What a strange name. But it was good? Then...

[Slight, relieved laughter]

...then that's a weight off my shoulders. I had thought... at first, that my Other was one who helped children. I have had my doubts lately, so... it's good to hear that it was in fact the truth.

What else do you know about your Other? I believe... I would be very shocked, Nathan, if it turned out they did not know each other in this past existence.

[He considers asking what has had Lazarus doubting his Other. But does he want to know? It has to be unpleasant. He's had enough unpleasantness for now. Perhaps another time.]

It was safe. And I mattered. [The last statement could have come off as an admission of the vulnerability he's experienced all his life, something he wouldn't have wanted to reveal. But it's already a known fact. Lazarus no doubt understands that and has for a long time. Those who suffer abuse frequently feel that they have no worth.

[His fingers gradually wind their way out of his hair.] I don't know much. I've only had four: three memories, one object -- a child's toy. He grew up in that place, believed to be capable of something great. The letter N in elaborate font on a computer screen. That he was also looked after by an old man called Watari. All indications do support the idea that we should have known one another, but I've no specific recollection of you at this point in time.

[Safe. The feeling of being valued. It's a beautiful dream for a child who has been deprived of both for much of his life, and it's something that L can relate to on a certain level. Just because he'd been a prodigy didn't mean that he was valued for his own sake; winning tournaments and performing was his business, and if he failed at his business, he knew that the ever-looming threat of worthlessness and burnout were suspended precariously over his head.

He listens intently as Nathan relates the echoes he's had up to this point; four isn't many, but it's certainly a starting point, more useful than just one or two.]

"Watari" is familiar to me. With a mustache and a hat? I know he took care of things that I couldn't. Perhaps we attended this school, or orphanage, at different times. I think that my Other was in his 20s, around my age now, when he..."

He falters for a second.

"...when it was the end of him. I'm certain that this happened at some point."

[He'd never been valued at home. Even now, on his own . . . it isn't as though he couldn't be replaced where he is. He's dispensable and he knows it. Just as he knows that he's surely capable of so much more. It's a strange thing, to be aware both that he can be cast aside and that he's intelligent enough that he's able to do something better.

[Now, if that didn't come along with guilt at not accomplishing the latter yet, that would be wonderful.

[His brow furrows marginally at the description. That's not right.] No. Clean-shaven. Wore glasses. [A hat is such a transient detail that he feels no need to mention it. The other details being different . . . those could potentially be attributed to different points of Watari's life. That, or they're speaking of two different men going by the same name.

[He isn't certain how to respond to that last statement. The only thing that comes out of his mouth on that subject is:] I see. I'm sorry. [It feels inadequate.]

Edited 2015-01-16 06:40 (UTC)

[The differing description admittedly catches L off-guard, but some thinking about it logically presents a few possible explanations for it. He shrugs, averting his eyes and smiling sadly.]

I think that my Other was older than yours, as I'm older than you. That's the feeling I have, so... perhaps by the time someone was your "handler", the one who served that role in my life was too old. Or else... whatever killed me killed him, too.

[He brushes off Nathan's soft apology.]

If he hadn't died, I don't think I'd be getting his pulses now. So it is not all bad.

[There are enough logical explanations that it's really not a detail to be worried about. It does make him wonder, though, why he would need a "handler". What was this other person like that he needed someone so badly to look after him? Nathan may be living a meagre existence, but he takes care of things himself. Would he one day lose that?]

Perhaps.

[He shakes his head a bit.] No. From what I understand of how this works, all of our Others are dead. I meant the age. It's young to have died. It's unfortunate.

Not so young. I think that he had a full life... but it was dangerous. He had to be very careful, he rarely if ever showed his face during investigations, and he frequently taunted fate. He wasn't as careful as he should have been, and I suspect it's because he was bored and just kept... pushing the stakes higher. Sort of a thrill-seeking behavior, perhaps.

If we had similar lives in some regards, I can't help but wonder in which regards we differed.

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