(no subject)

[detectivetroll]

Who: Nick Burkhardt and Anthony Janvier, and later Nick and Lyall
Where: Nick and Anthony's apartment, then Lyall's place
When: Sunday evening, 09/07
What: Nick has some things to fess up to
Warnings: none right now!



Nick's exhausted when he gets home that afternoon. Between the cathedral last night, what happened with Xander, and work today - not to mention the kidnapping earlier - he hasn't gotten much sleep lately. Normally, he'd go crash right then, and just sleep until he had to go in the next morning, but he had more important things to do at the moment. It's the first chance he's gotten, and he can't put it off.

That, and he doubts he can sleep until he talks about it, anyway.

So he heads to Anthony's room instead, knocking on his door. "You home, Anthony? I have some things to tell you."



It's a little late after he's done talking, but not so much that he feels guilty calling Lyall. There's a lot on his mind, and where he used to be able to figure things out on his own - well, he used to try to go it alone, anyway - now, he keeps wanting to talk it over.

Hopefully, Lyall isn't going to take this as signs of Nick being a jerk. Lyall was with him the whole time he played corrupt cop, and he's told Lyall about his involvement with the mafia, but... his involvement in the kidnapping, however indirectly, feels different.

"Hey," he greets over the phone. "I know it's late, but I need to talk to you. Can I come over?"

Comments

[scramasax]

Anthony knows that there's only one person who the knock at the door could reasonably be, and yet he jumps.

Nick's voice comes through the door - immediately anchoring, cohering, and dissolving worries that Anthony hadn't realized were present - jolts and feels around to check some of them - is this still home, is he alone or alone with Nick, does he still have a ready-scribed sheet of network paper in his pocket, is everything all right as they can be after Robyn and the Vermaxi and the cathedral and the scroll, the scroll, is the scroll still closed - it's rolled and sitting in his other hoodie pocket, yes.

And if he's tracking the day correctly, it's the seventh, and he's perhaps unduly ducking his head below the sky and thanking it as if it's additionally he's got the luck to perceive a day of okayness, finally, at least on a level of peril and to this point - heaven knows what things to tell you could mean, especially in light of the past week's event. And even if tiredness didn't show in tone, movement, virtually everything, he's have to be worse than blind not to suspect that Nick is tired...

"I'm, uh -- " He coughs - decisive, clear as possible in one. " -- I'm in -- huh - hold on -- "

Promise and not demand, of course! Shuffles to the door, pulls it open, turns to "look" where he estimates Nick's face ought to be.

[detectivetroll]

Nick knows Anthony can't see him, but he smiles at him anyway, bright if not a little tired.

At some point, they're really going to have to talk about Anthony spending most of his time at home alone. Get him a tutor, maybe he can talk to Lyall about it, or about forming that after school network club he knows they were both a part of -

But that's for another night. Or at least, not until after he's come clean.

"Hey," he greets. "I'm pretty sure I'm promised you some explanations, and I could use some advice. Can I come in?"

[scramasax]

Explanations - so he'd thought. A shake and sink to settle - either way he nods. "Of - of course...!"

Shuffles back, leans against the door - he's not, in fact, doing much to prop it open, but nonetheless - and drops his head slightly bowed, still turned after the angle Nick had spoken from.

Cringes a little, coughs into his wrist - says nothing, and has no clue why he did it; attempts to reverse it with a bare inward wheeze.

[detectivetroll]

...he saw that cringe. He doesn't say anything about it - what's he supposed to say, really? - but he does set a hand on Anthony's shoulder as he heads into the room, squeezing lightly before he lets go.

He grabs a chair, sitting down and spending a moment pushing his hand through his hair before just going for it. Something like this... he doesn't know how to do it other than just to be blunt. "I knew the mafia was going to grab someone from the network. Not who, or when, but I knew it was going to happen."

[scramasax]

A move that never fails to deeply reassure, where it matters.

His posture drops a little further at its uppermost - but a little more out of relaxation. Content brace-yourself resignation.

He hears Nick pull a chair - follows the sound, doesn't think not to stay standing, himself. His brow lifts and knits - and Nick starts to speak.

...Of course he did. Slouches down even further, and this time it is sagging with a minimal change in expression. That's how he knew about the Vermaxi and that's...

...how he know that Robyn would have been released, all but definitely, slow, pulling sigh, grits his teeth together - and as for Nick, no, of course the fact's not good and yet why would he have needed to try if he'd known that whoever would've been grabbed would've been effectively unharmed - his head's gone wandering shaking - mortification and flustering rushing again over everything, suppresses it as much as he can, jerks it into straight lines everything but horizontal - swallows, snaps back firmly on Nick.

"I - I see," is all he can seem certain of to say.

"Er - " His brow knits tighter, eye sockets blink wider - another swallow, my God, he is not sure if this is going to be taken as a derailment, or a dodge of anything, but what comment could he be expected to make...? "Are - are you, uhmm.

Slips loose and plummets low. "Oh - ...okay..."

After the involvement, the aftermath. Again, he's surely got no right to comment - anyone's got right to check what they can.

[detectivetroll]

That's not the response that Nick was expecting. In retrospect, he should have, it's so very Anthony, he just... he was so worried about disappointing him. It feels like he's let him down.

Nick lets out a shaky breath, punctuated by a slightly disbelieving chuckle.

"I just told you I was indirectly involved in the kidnapping of one of your friends and you're asking me if I'm okay, kid, do you have any idea how lucky I am to have you?"

But the question's rhetorical, because no, Nick doesn't think Anthony does have any idea of that.

"Honestly? I don't know. It put you in danger, put a bunch of people in danger, and I'm not sure trying to get insider information from the mafia is worth it."

[scramasax]

An impulsive blink - likewise, not the response that he was expecting, and retrospectively frazzled and embarrassed and knowingly downright foolish and undertrusting as he was - for shame, there, he had wanted to save Robyn, too, and he had still wanted to when Nick had all but promised she'd be released in one piece - it shakes him like a chime in a blast of fast wind to all the more cowed. If not strictly unpleasantly - he tries to smile at that first comment but doesn't manage it - in lieu of it manages an unhappily-humored "Hmm" -

"I-I only wish everyone had known it -- you - you did know she - she was going to be fine; if you had - " Shakes his head, fast. " - if you had tried to intervene then - could've made things - could've made things worse than they were going to be, a-and I did - call the network, and - " Swallows. "I did - R-Rakka and Rita answered and ck - came to - help -- it-it would've happened anyway - It's --

"'Mmh sorry... I-I-I'm just talking; you would - if it's - if it's not all right with you..."

A rattle, derail, and tip off a train of thought. Apologies, Nick.

[detectivetroll]

"You can talk all you want," Nick says quietly.

He can't deny that things probably would have ended all right if no one had intervened. Nick'd told him as much when he warned him about the Vermaxi. The problem is - probably. Nick couldn't have guaranteed she'd be set free, only what he thought would happen, given what he knew of the mafia.

"You did what I should have done. You tried to warn the people going, about what was waiting for them."

[scramasax]

"But then you would've had to explain - " Explain how much he knew, closer to the full of how he knew it. " - and there's a - there's a reason you haven't done that - is ... -- right...?"

And if there is, he might've jeopardized it - Danielle paused, Emil had flat-out said he was lying when pressed...

[detectivetroll]

"Yeah," he agrees. "I would've had to explain how I knew, and I would've blown my cover. I put a lot of people in danger to keep it."

He honestly doesn't know if he made the right choice there. "I should have told you when I first found out. You, and Randy, and Mel. We could've come up with something."

[scramasax]

"Do - do they know?" Dry - coughs. " - About the mob, and er." And slipped off to a whispering trail. " - And what you've been doing..."

[detectivetroll]

Nick nods. "I told them when I started, that I wanted to try and get information from them like I did with Sherman, with the farmhouse. Like I told you. But I thought I'd wait, until I knew who it was, or when it was."

[scramasax]

"I see," he mutters, and sinks a little again.

Again, he's out of comments he's in any position to make - notes, all the same, the call back to Melissa. Maybe she'd understood...?

Meanwhile, he feels neither as if he wished to or needs to remark on another time. There's going to be one, far more likely than not - like Sherman, or the farmhouse. It had better not be a close enough cry to this one to apply.

Drags what he can say this time around up throaty. "A-at least she's fine - now."

As much as she surely can be.

" -- Safe. You -- ...you did... - h -- " Wheeze in. " -- Help with that, still..."

[professorwolf]

Lyall picks up on the second ring, probably not a sign he was asleep. He is, in fact, playing a video game between working on various applications to various jobs he's probably going to be turned down for, or else be horribly embarrassed if he actually gets hired for. The video game is, understandable, getting a little more attention tonight.

"Of course you can," he answers, leaving the area he was in, in the game, to get out of any potential line of fire. "Should I expect you to be breaking the speed limit on your way, or arriving at a more reasonable time?"

[detectivetroll]

Nick hears the sound of the video game in the background of the phone, and grins a little. At least Lyall was still up. He'd tease him about interrupting, but, well, he's a little too serious for that tonight.

"Reasonable. It's important, but not breaking the law important. Mostly, anyway." Because technically he shouldn't be talking on the phone while driving, but oh, well. "I'm about halfway there, so I'll see you in a little bit, okay?"

[professorwolf]

"Oh, so you were going to come over whether I was awake or not, were you?" He sounds amused more than annoyed, though, and it's not like he minds. Nick is always nice to have around, really. "I guess I'll see you in a few, then."

[detectivetroll]

"...maybe. Or maybe take a drive to clear my head, I hadn't decided yet." All right, he still has a little bit of teasing in him.

But he hangs up after that, finishing the drive to his boyfriend's house. When he gets there, he tries the door first, in case Lyall's unlocked it for him.

[professorwolf]

Sure enough, he has. Lyall trusts that he'll lock it behind him, again, as he's in the kitchen putting together a cup of coffee for them both. Decaf, since Nick at least should be in bed before too long, but still. Coffee for important talks. "In the kitchen," he calls when he hears the door open and recognizes the scent wafting in.

He may have set up a window and small fan just to waft scents to him from the doorway. While he might be sometimes optimistic and trusting, he's also not stupid.

[detectivetroll]

Nick'll appreciate that coffee, man, even if it's decaf. It's been an interesting night. He doesn't feel any different, not anymore, but when he listens, he can hear that his heart isn't beating quite as fast as it used to.

He does indeed lock the door after he comes in, following Lyall's voice into the kitchen. And automatically leans in to greet him with a quick kiss. "Thanks for this. I... kind of have a lot to tell you." He gives a rueful smile. "You want the mafia stuff, or my latest pulse first?"

[professorwolf]

Turning to face him as he comes in, Lyall actually frowns at what he hears. Nick... sounds different. His internal bits sound different. He accepts the kiss without a lot of response, then offers the coffee mug and says, "Perhaps you'd best start with the latest pulse, since I'm assuming that's why you sound... off. Inside."

He gestures with his own mug at Nick's chest. He could just say "heartbeat" but really, it's more than that.

[detectivetroll]

Nick makes a face at that, accepting the coffee mug and taking a drink from it. "You can hear it, too? I guess that means this is going to be a thing, then."

He curls his hands around the mug, partially for the warmth, partially for something to do with his hands. "Anthony pulsed back a scroll with a zombie curse. I got hit with it, and then... actually, I'm not exactly sure what happened. Either my modifications kicked in and then I got a pulse, or it was just a pulse, but it reversed."

His tone is very matter of fact, because, well. It's too new for him to have really dealt with it yet.

[professorwolf]

"You were hit with a what?" Lyall looks mildly alarmed, at that, looking Nick up and down critically. Not as alarmed as he could look, maybe, given Nick looks perfectly fine, but he's still different somehow, inside, so there's still the question of how his body is working now. "Does that mean what I think it means? It, er, it killed you?"

[detectivetroll]

Nick's grip on the mug tightens at the question - he died, there's no skirting around the issue. Just a little, and normally it probably wouldn't have been noticeable, but with his latest pulse, it makes the ceramic crack.

Not shatter, fortunately, but the mug is probably ruined, and the small leak of hot coffee that drips on his hand isn't exactly pleasant. Nick curses, moving over to set the mug in the sink, and looks guiltily over at Lyall. "Sorry. The last thing you need is someone breaking more of your stuff."

[professorwolf]

"I'm starting to think it's par for the course, these days. Things just getting broken." And that comes out a bit more bleak than he means it to, but it is how he feels about... well, life in general, right now. Hearing that his boyfriend just died isn't making him feel much better about it. He collects a paper towel for the coffee droplets that actually made it to the floor. "Just bin it. I've got more of those, at least."

[detectivetroll]

Oh, he definitely picks up on that bleakness. It makes him frown, but he still puts the cracked mug in the garbage, and waits for Lyall to straighten from cleaning up the coffee drops.

Then he crowds into Lyall's personal space, cupping his hand over his jaw and leaning in to rest his forehead against Lyall's. "Hey. I'm still here, okay? I'll just - be way more careful, in the future. About contributing to fixing things instead of breaking them more."