savetheearth | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Eriks, Karl, Melissa, guest-starring Nick?
When: Backdated to Wednesday, 5/28
Where: LCPD HQ
What: An innocent FBI officer doing his honest job! And not getting paid enough for it!
Warnings: PG-13 makeouts of the police force scandal variety

Though the FBI is full of well-trained, well-educated, and highly disciplined individuals, agents are not immune to pettiness. In this case, pettiness comes in the flavor of passing off things like "babysit the LCPD" to the rookie, because nobody else really wants to deal with tedious visits or tedious interviews or tedious report-filing.

Nobody, including the rookie. But here he is, because he's just that dedicated and professional. Not that you'd know it, because he wanders his way over to Karl's door with nothing approaching decorum, and doesn't once bother to flash his badge. He figures the poor men and women in this office know him on-sight by now, anyway.

"Yo, Chief!" he calls through the door, because this is how an official FBI investigation is conducted. "I called ahead, but nobody picked up. All three times. What's up with that? Don't you have people for that?"

He doesn't actually wait for a response before turning the knob and toeing the door open.

Surely nothing can go wrong.

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Work had actually been going surprisingly smoothly recently- a solid month of Melissa working her ass off to avoid her feelings put her in a good place. A good enough place, as a matter of fact, that she didn't feel particularly bad about spending time with a friend.

If, of course, by friend you meant 'boyfriend' and by spending time with you mean 'getting ready to screw around on his desk.'

By the time Eriks enters the room, Melissa is on her back on Karl's desk, shirt mostly unbuttoned by the man sprawled over her. It's not a particularly ambiguous scene, in either case, and the only reason she's diverted from pulling Karl's shirt off is the sound of the door opening.

She stops and tips her head backwards so it's hanging off the edge of the desk, observing Eriks with a very passive glance. She's been walked in on in much worse scenarios. "You know," she says, with an air of bizarre casualness, "Most people knock."

Edited 2014-06-01 03:32 (UTC)

To say the past month had sucked would be an understatement. The understatement to end all understatements. Between losing echoes and getting the department running post trial and dealing with new management and the goddamn wall vigilante (now known to be Danny) adding to the massive paperwork OH AND THE PAPERWORK DEAR GOD IT NEVER ENDS and other stuff, Karl's about had it with the month of May.

Realizing that the big 44 draws ever closer further brightened up the flowery month. In less than three months, another year of his life would be over. How did he even get this old? Last he checked, it was 1995. Ah, 1995. Year of Windows 95 and the year Anna discovered the bane of his existence, frappucinos, and also the year when they went to go see Apollo 13 but sneaked in to see Toy Story instead.

Thoughts like this plagued the poor officer all morning today. If not something about Planet Pizza then about how echoless him got back all the gray hair. Wrinkles, too. Lost the nice body. Ugh. It didn't help that the stack of paperwork evolved into a mountain today. What a Wednesday. Something, anything, to make this day better, to make a middle aged man feel young again, would be welcome!!

And what better to feel young than to engage in inappropriate activities in inappropriate places? None! Sex at work? Best idea! His office, his rules! Okay, maybe not and they could get in a good deal of trouble for this, but the thrill of that possibility makes him feel so much more young. It had been getting fun (so close to unhooking that bra SO CLOSE!!), too, up until the sudden intrusion. When Eriks interrupts, the urge to throw a gun at the guy's head barely gets resisted. Of all the times for this... "Manners are obviously not a part of the FBI criterion." The unhappiness drips off his voice and is clearly conveyed in the accompanying leer.

There is a long moment - almost comical in its length, really - when Eriks, bless his heart, seems genuinely puzzled by this unexpected turn of events. He looks between Melissa and Karl a few times, which is quite the uncomfortable up-and-down movement with this eyes, honestly, and well this explains quite a few things, doesn't it?

Now he's joining them on this unimpressed train, only he's louder and redder and more fully-clothed about it. With one hand covering his eyes, while the other gesticulates wildly to emphasize his points.

"This is an office," he starts, flabbergasted, because this needs establishing apparently, and maybe these two fine professionals are confused about where they are and need someone to gently guide them back onto the path of Not Igniting Another Sex Scandal Instigation Please No That's So Much Paperwork. "An office of justice, and I have an honest job to do here, and this explains why you're not picking up your phone, and-"

A beat, where he peeks between his fingers with great trepidation.

"Are you both wearing pants? I can't tell and I don't want to know, but I can't have this conversation if you're not wearing pants, so please put your pants on or I'll have to arrest you for obstruction of justice."

He could just back out of the room, of course, but instead he just stands over the threshold as the door mercifully falls closed behind him - before any of the curious officers outside can clue in, or have their suspicions aroused by a furiously backpedaling FBI agent.

Melissa barely contains the urge to roll her eyes. Wow, Eriks. You're acting like she's never heard a lecture like this before. (She has, in fact. Many times. Several by her parents, which is far more embarrassing. You are not swaying her any.)

Instead of eye rolling, she opts for sarcasm, tilting her head back up to look at Karl with an incredibly deadpan expression. This is more for Eriks's sake than her boyfriend's. "Apparently, this is an office," she says flatly, "Of Justice. I had no idea."

She doesn't bother moving off the desk, just resting her head on it for now and sighing. Well, they're probably not going to be able to finish this, then. More reasons to distrust the FBI. Maybe she'll pass that along to Gerald, so they can work 'having some goddamn manners' into their intro pamphlets or whatever. "Yes, we're wearing pants, you baby. This wouldn't be a problem at all if you had knocked."

Karl, on the other hand, can't help but wonder the level of Erik's virginity. Complete or vanilla sex, more than likely. People doing such things outside the bedroom seems like such a great shock to the guy, jesus christ. Of course people do things like this in public! Part of the thrill is the public part!! What would happen if he ever learned of all the fun places Karl's done naughty things or that one of his sons got conceived in an airplane restroom? More than likely, it'd be an overload on the brain and it'd explode. Not a particularly unpleasant mental image at the moment.

The deadpan expression gets returned as he looks down at Melissa. "Nor had I. Here I believed this to be a public restroom." You know, that anyone can just walk in as they please. No need to knock because it clearly isn't necessary.

No movement to get off or change positions comes from Karl, either. Once again the reasoning of 'this is his office and you didn't knock 8|' come into play. His deadpan gaze shifts from his girlfriend and onto the oh so rude FBI agent. "We can remove them now to not disappoint you in your assumption that we already weren't." Does his tone sound a bit more biting than normal? You bet your ass it does. Stupid FBI agents interrupting him getting his rocks off during his midlife crisis!

Edited 2014-06-04 13:15 (UTC)

"I did knock! ... With my voice! It's practically the same thing."

He leans back against the now firmly-closed door and lets his hand drop, sighing loudly. He needs a goddamned vacation and he needs one imminently. SOME people know to keep these things in the bedroom! Or the back seat of a car if things are getting daring, but surely no one in real life actually goes around banging their girlfriends on their desk at work. With the door unlocked.

He'd lived his whole life believing that, anyway. He's never again touching a desk that isn't his own.

"I'm gonna have to request you pretty please-" for the love of God "leave your pants on for the duration of this investigation. Thanks."

A pause, like he plans on waiting for them to move away from each other - which is the logical next step here, folks - before he realizes his folly and just plows onward.

"Do either of you have any idea what a pain in the ass a sex scandal investigation is, on top of a public corruption investigation? This force is like the disobedient toddler of police departments!"

Sorry Eriks. This is what happens with you combine two people with high sex drives, few inhibitions, and pretty prominent exhibitionist streaks.

For her part, Melissa is already completely done with this lecture. "It's not a scandal if it's not a secret," she replies, pulling her phone out of her pocket and opening it to text her displeasure/frustration to Nick. He'll understand. "Seriously, what the hell is the problem here? No rules against it."

Technically, this is true, on multiple levels. No rules about dating/banging coworkers, and it doesn't say anywhere that they can't have sex in an office. (This is probably because no one thought they'd need such a rule, but that was their oversight.)

Not to mention that apparently this little scene is an 'investigation' now. Which is ridiculous. She'd make a comment about Karl having investigation under control, but somehow she feels like Eriks won't appreciate that. So instead she'll just text Nick a series of complaints and frowny faces.

Edited 2014-06-05 21:07 (UTC)

Practically the same thing his ass. An audible snort comes from Karl when Eriks makes that comment. If it weren't for the level of annoyance he feels right now, Melissa would get a partner in ignoring the FBI agent. Lectures are things easily turned out, but not today. Not when screwing around in an office had been the most glorious of glorious things and just SO very needed today.

The investigation comment only adds fuel to the annoyance fire, something made clear by the very displeased leer that follows it. "I hadn't realized your lack of refinement had evolved into an investigation." This is NOT a scandal. This is just something small and fun. No one is getting hurt (Karl's fun mental images of throwing things at Eriks, aside). What's the big deal?

Okay, maybe that midlife crisis clouds judgment a little. STILL THOUGH. This is not nearly as big a deal as Eriks is making it out to be! Sex is just sex, whether it be in an office or in a car or in an airplane bathroom or where ever else!

An actual eye rolling takes place at the toddler comment. Oh please. Are all FBI agents this high and mighty? "You brought this 'pain in the ass' situation down upon yourself." Not knocking also falls into the realm of being a toddler. Toddlers babysitting and, more annoyingly, lecturing other toddlers should not be permitted.

For Melissa's benefit, he actually deigns to answer that one.

"The problem is that it's a public relations nightmare waiting to happen, and I dunno if you guys have noticed, but your PR is really crappy right now. Fantastically crappy. Actually legendary for how crappy it is." Just screwing around in the office or not (Which is still quite heinous in his humble opinion!!! You children!!!), the general public love a scandal almost as much as they love clutching their pearls. It's a pretty ironic double-edged sword.

Not to mention that literally anyone could've wandered in, not just him, and good lord why would you not place chair in front of the door or something. Have you not seen enough teen romance movies or what??

"But," he says, plopping resignedly into a spare chair and scooting it back some, like he feels the need to create at least 5 feet of space between himself and their... whatever that is. "That's not actually why I'm here. I just thought I'd dig around in this pot for some professionalism first, and see if I found any."

He lifts his hands up, feigning surprise.

"Nothin'"

Do you see how little Melissa cares about this? It's pretty intense. It's so intense that she's not even looking up from her phone, smirking a little as she gets Nick's reply and proceeding to just complain at him more. And still not moving. Her dedication to ignoring him is impressive. Especially since he's apparently missing the point of what makes this kind of thing enjoyable in the first place. Ah well. His loss.

Melissa opts to not reply to Eriks's petty argument, just glancing up at Karl to let him know that she's done with this conversation, and continuing to text. Maybe she can get Nick in here to act as a distraction or something. Or at least get Eriks out.

On any other day, some of the complaints might get some agreement with. Today, all Karl wants to do is see how far they'd get upon continuing this indecency with Eriks in the room. If it weren't for the chance of a gun getting pointed at them, this idea would already have gotten put into action.

The meaning of the glance comes in loud and clear. Karl almost tunes it out himself. Unfortunately, their demonetization while Mr. Doesn't Knock remaining holier than thou prevents that. Perhaps that may be an exaggeration, but an aging man getting his rocks off and getting interrupted so rudely may not see things are they really are.

Said man may also become far more blunt and snappish in his words. "Undoubtedly so seeing as you'd be incapable of finding professionalism in a dictionary." Karl shifts his gaze from Melissa and onto the FBI interruption. His face may appear almost annoyingly indifferent, but the irritation comes through loud and clear in his voice. "For future reference, it isn't far after 'polite' and 'pompous'."

Edited 2014-06-20 01:14 (UTC)

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