savetheearth | Computer; Video/Audio

[The video opens up with Souji leaning back in his chair, Cheshire-cat grin in place. It's broken briefly by a mild coughing fit that he quickly waves away before speaking]

Summer's started, but already I'm getting bored. Not bored enough to want to take summer classes like a certain over-achiever I can think of, but. Bored. Isn't anyone having a party or a road trip any time soon?

There was something about families being targeted too, right? Who else's families have had trouble? I should probably warn-- [There's a minor commotion in another room and Souji look up quickly, expression becoming aggravated.] Speak of the fucking devil. [He hits something on the computer and the screen goes off, but the audio is still heard clearly.]

What are you doing here?

That's now way to talk to your sister! Your exams and stuff are over aren't they? Why didn't you come visit?

[A pause] I didn't think you'd want me to.

Wha-- Souji, why wouldn't I? [There's silence. It stretches on until it gets awkward and Mitsu continues, grasping for a subject] How were your grades?

[Souji makes a soft 'heh' sound] Figured. Fine. I got all As, one B. [His tone darkens] Don't give me that look.

What look? I'm not giving you a look. I'm just-- Have you decided what to do yet? You know, Hajime's on his way to being a doctor, wouldn't that be nice? You're smart enough for that.

I know what Hajime's doing. I live right next to him. I'm not gonna be a doctor. [Actually, speaking off-- Souji coughs a little again] No, don't worry-- Knock it off! [it comes out harsher then he must've intended because there's a soft noise] ...I didn't mean-- Look, I need to talk to you about something anyway.

Is this about money again?

No. Well, yes I guess kind of, but I-

That's the only reason you ever get in touch with me. I came over here because I was worried about you, but you don't care about anything else, do you? [She sounds disappointed, upset] You've always been like this, you're so-- You're so selfish! You have a job, I shouldn't have to keep throwing money at you like this!

That's not what I-- I can pay the bills, I just need--

Can you? Fine, then I'm not paying for it anymore! God, Souji just... Why do you make everything so hard? Ever since you were little you've fought me and fought everyone and you won't listen to anyone! What are you even going to do with your life? Why are you in college in the first place if you're not going to do anything? I can't keep paying for classes like this!

[There's a repressed cough, but otherwise silence for a moment before Souji chuckles bitterly.] Yeah. You're right, I'm pretty useless. Why the fuck should anyone bother with a lost cause right?

All you ever do is hurt people, even people who try to help you! I'm at the end of my rope with you! Why can't you be more like Hajime, or--or anyone else? [Her desperate outcry speaks volumes of what living with Souji must have been like growing up.]

Just leave, Mitsu. [The rest of the conversation is muffled and there's the sound of the door slamming. Then the coughing begins.

It's a terrible, wet coughing that goes on for minutes, breathing difficult, harsh, and getting louder as Souji makes his way back to the computer and sits down again. Eventually the coughing subsides and the video is brought back on as Souji wipes his mouth, the side of his hand slightly red as he pulls it away-- or is it a trick of the light?

If he noticed the audio was on, he says nothing. His eyes look strange, sharp and empty] I take it back. Let 'em have her. [The video turns off.]

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[He says nothing, but the words help. They reach something human still in him and he leans back in his seat and seems to slump.]

You're one of the few people crazy enough to actually say that and mean it. [He turns and looks at him for a long moment, saying nothing and just... observing. Whatever he's looking for he either finds it or decides it doesn't matter, because he holds out his hand to indicate he wants Hajime to come close, that it's okay.]

[He closes those last few steps, reaching out to take Souji's hand and give it a squeeze.]

If I'm crazy, that isn't why.

[This whole past life nonsense, on the other hand...maybe.]

[He pulls Hajime closer so he's standing between Souji's legs, and leans in to press his face to the other's stomach. Their fingers intertwine and he gives it a squeeze, his other hand twisting the fabric of hajime's shirt.]

What do you even see in me? And why can't everyone else see it?

They're not looking hard enough.

[That question is easy. The first one...it's not hard to find an answer, but it's hard to explain it.

His free hand rests on Souji's shoulder, then slides down to rub at his back.]

...I see someone who isn't afraid to think about what he wants.

[Because that's always been the difference between them. Hajime isn't sure what he really wants, either. Souji just didn't bother letting anyone else make up his mind for him, and while Hajime is the one who gets praised and held up as an example of the son who's doing it right...

...he's jealous of that, sometimes.]

Maybe we should run away. Just pack up some stuff and the cats and take off to another place. Start all over again, where no one knows us. Can't we just do that?

[There's a suspicious sniffing noise and his shoulders shake slightly]

[The idea of starting over somewhere new scares Hajime shitless. He doesn't do change well. Maybe that's why he's so set on doing what everyone expects of him; not knowing what will happen if he has to deal with alienating his family, with losing their support, with having to decide what he wants and not just what's been laid out for him...

It's not an easy thing to think about, let alone do.

And yet Souji makes it sound so easy, like they really could.]

Souji...

[He doesn't know what to say. He just keeps rubbing Souji's back.]

No, you couldn't do that, could you. [He laughs--or maybe he's crying, it's hard to tell--and shakes his head.]

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, or anything. I don't make enough money to pay everything here on my own.

You could stay with me.

[He doesn't even think about it before it's out of his mouth - because it's not really a stretch, as far as he's concerned. It's not like they don't already crash at each others' places often enough, and if he's not over at Souji's apartment making dinner, Souji's usually coming over to his for it instead.

Souji has a goddamned drawer in Hajime's dresser for the clothes he keeps leaving over there.

As far as Hajime's concerned, it'd just be efficiency.]

I can't.

[He could. It'd be so simple. He could save more money that way for his medicine but-- But that'd make it easier for Hajime to find out about said illness. And besides...]

I have to... I have to do this on my own. I have to prove it. I can't let Mitsu win. [His grip tightens almost painfully, teeth gritting]

[As much as part of him wants to tell Souji that he shouldn't try to overdo it, that this is just the way things have been anyway and so it's not even a big deal -

There's one thing that holds him back, and it's that one thing that's always been at the heart of their friendship. Hajime doesn't insult Souji's pride. He doesn't tell him he's being stupid (about the big things, anyway, but rollerblading through Walmart at two in the morning is still fair game). He doesn't patronize Souji or hang things over his head.

He wants to tell Souji to stop being an idiot and just move his things and they could've done this months ago and it wouldn't have been an issue.

But he doesn't.]

...I understand.

But it's never too late if you change your mind. Or if you need anything else.

[His own grip on Souji tightens.]

[Its one of the reason he lo-- Likes Hajime so much. This is why they're friends.

He knows Hajime would open his arms and doors to him as easily as he had those cats. Was that what Souji was? A lost cat to be taken in and rehabilitated?

...No, not to Hajime, he knows better than that.] I just need-- You. This. I need this. Just for a little while.

That's fine.

[He'll stand here like this for hours, if that's what Souji needs.]

Computer; Video/Audio

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