You Reject My Advances and Desperate Pleas [February 14]

[dead_black_eyes]

WHO: Lazarus Lawliet and YOU
WHEN: That loviest of days, February 14, pretty much all day
WHERE: Espresso Yourself
WHAT: Someone higher up on the management ladder saw an ironic valentine and thought it would be awesome if baristas handed out hand-made ones to customers on V-Day. As the shop's resident "writer," L was given some scissors and a magazine and tasked with this. The result... well. Tag this, if you really want to see the result.
WARNINGS: L would rather be detectiving. L's grasps on irony, humor, romance, and valentines are also tenuous at best, especially together. This could get dark.



Since hiring L, Espresso Yourself had been a very accommodating employer. Equal opportunity and largely catering to college-aged hipsters, their customer base and employees consisted predominantly of Millennials, and every stereotype had softly saturated much of the shop's attitude toward the generation. L had enjoyed leaning on crutches in the past, finding ways to pardon himself from the ordeals of living life and interacting with other human beings. He had used and abused diagnoses and disadvantages for this purpose, but Espresso Yourself, as a business, seemed determined not only to accommodate his needs, but to boost his self-esteem by making him feel important and necessary.

A young woman in a higher management position had beckoned him aside the day before, offering him an "important project" to keep such a "talented writer" busy. Following his most recent echoes, L thought he knew what actually comprised an "important project," but it had been awhile since his last echo, and it was beginning to frustrate him. He'd been a child-saver, a detective, and he'd been very good at what he did, and every day another pulse didn't occur was a day he was being denied and held hostage by his own life.

Excitedly, the woman had handed him a stack of magazines, some glue, some construction paper, and a pair of blunted safety scissors, explaining the project. Her over-bright eyes and too-wide smile told L that she knew about him, and had therefore dismissed him on an unforgivable level. The condescension was newly unacceptable to a man who knew that his preincarnation had been great, and he resolved to make the project uniquely his own.

Behind the counter, he has a stack of them next to the cash register. They resemble ransom notes more than valentines, but at least his standard look of utter contempt is dialed back a bit. You might actually feel like you can approach the counter today.

Comments

lmk if action's ok

[centurian]

[ Gerald's running a little late to work today. But, like hell he's going to run late to work and not get his morning coffee.

Still, he's going to try and be as friendly as possible when he places his order, paying no attention to the... random notes behind the counter.

Hey, he's getting used to weird crap in this city. ]

Mind if I get a large caramel macchiato?

Totally OK!

[dead_black_eyes]

[The spook behind the counter glances up when Gerald orders, biting his lip, seeming almost to size the guy up.]

$3.98.

[His voice is droning and he seems majorly inconvenienced by the order, but he starts making the drink. Notably, most of his fingers don't seem to bend, but he has a metal brace running parallel to his forearm to hold onto anything too heavy to handle with his thumbs and forefingers.

When he returns with the drink, he sets it down on the counter, sliding a "valentine" along with it.]

Re: Totally OK!

[centurian]

[ So... he started feeling a bit awkward as he was sized up.

Then, when he's handed the card, he starts to feel really awkward.

...Yeah, even if he's late for work, he's not going to just walk out of there and say nothing. That would be way too easy. Also, don't mind the voice ]

Wow. They're really trying to lay on the "cheer" I see.

[ and without missing a beat. ]

How'd you know that all I wanted this Valentine's Day was adult-onset diabetes?

[ Though he couldn't help but wonder if the guy would appreciate the joke. ]

[dead_black_eyes]

[L quirks an eyebrow, or would, if he had eyebrows. The result is a skeptically narrowed eye and a lingering, odd silence.]

I basically picked it randomly from the ones I made this morning. Do you want me to take it back and save it for someone who actually does have diabetes? Regret can be a powerful motivator for lifestyle change.

[centurian]

[ Gerald's not quite sure whether to laugh or not. So... he settles for something like a muffled snort. ]

Nah. Unless you have an even "better" one hidden in there somewhere?

[ Hey, if he's late, he might as well be REALLY late. ]

[beyondrebirthday]

[For the first time since learning about L's work, BB heads over after class to check it out. It's not that he actually celebrates Valentine's - losing his family, becoming more and more disinterested in making friends, and never experiencing love outside of his favorite shoujo manga, it did nothing for him at all - but he can tolerate it as an excuse to buy special sweets.

The place seems fairly quiet. The few hipsters sticking around seemed like they were the bitter type. Though, he wonders if he should apply to this type.]

Heh hehn. Not much of a date spot is it? [he's saying it mostly to himself, but his self-talk isn't always the best contained. He gets a few glares, which he ignores on his way to the counter.]

Hi there.

[dead_black_eyes]

Hey...

[BB is one of the few people L doesn't automatically want to drive away from his place of work forever. Though it's kind of embarrassing to be seen behind a coffee counter, he knows that the younger man isn't here to make him uncomfortable.]

Did you want something? It's fine, either way, but...

[L doesn't think that anyone would show up just to see him. That seems a far cry from likely; like going to the zoo just to see the trash cans.]

[beyondrebirthday]

[he nods]

I thought I'd try the house blend and a donut. Plus I heard there was this barista who was really rude... it sounded awesome.

[worst hipster impression ever]

[dead_black_eyes]

[L blinks. Somehow, B always manages to cheer him up, and he has no real idea how.

He could get used to this guy being around more.]

Well then. You'll have to give me as much time as I want to get that ready, then.

[He reaches under the counter for a fresh trash bag, tossing a donut and an empty cup into it.]

House coffee's against the south wall. Anything else? Oh, right, you also get a valentine.



[He slides that across the counter as he rings up the modest order.]

[shiromadoushi]

Bakura considered this valentines day a success. No new idiot girls attempting to "woo" him with idiot gifts, no one asked him out on a date, and he had managed to dodge his idiot fan club without getting in trouble.

For once, it had been quiet.

Thank god. If he would have realized punching someone in the face would have gotten people off his back, he would have done it much sooner...

He pushed open the door to the coffee shop, not paying attention to who was behind the counter as he reached for his wallet. "Green tea. No sugar."

[dead_black_eyes]

Though L treated most of the customers in his typical dour way, Bakura was a special case, always and forever.

"You got it."

Happily, he went about making the tea, so long as "happy" was relative and Bakura didn't bring him down.

[shiromadoushi]

Oh. That's who was on today. A slight frown slipped into the teen's expression.

"...You still have a job? Must be getting better at the masquerade..."

[dead_black_eyes]

"No, actually I just think it's impossible to get fired if you're a certain type of person," L said cheerfully, though a slight edge to his tone indicated that he actually found this kind of obnoxious.

"Case in point... since it's Valentine's Day, you can have one of these special handcrafted pieces."

[belphe]

The java kiosk at the plaza was, ordinarily, Belle's go-to for her daily iced mocha. However, with the usual barista out on maternity leave, and the position being temporarily filled by a foul-tempered teen who had made her dislike of Belle's choice of career abundantly clear, she found her options in need of a shift.

Expresso Yourself was, sadly, the most convenient establishment to stop in at on her way to work, and so she did, hoping that there might be more than Lazarus manning the counter.

[dead_black_eyes]

As was often the case where Lazarus was concerned, Belle's hopes were overly optimistic. He was, indeed, manning the counter alone, though he didn't look as dour when he saw her enter his place of work.

"Don't you usually go to the kiosk?" he asked, hoping that she knew he was aware of her morning routine to that extent.

[belphe]

"I do, but Vicki is out for awhile, and her replacement is..." she didn't bother finishing her thought, as she found herself coming up short for a tactful way to describe the new girl.

From their first meeting they hadn't gotten along well. What had been meant to be a brief stop-off for her drink had become a five minute dress-down of her profession, counselors in general, and an attempt to bait her into an argument about forcing sanity onto people who didn't need it. In the end, she'd gotten her mocha, thanked the barista, and then dropped it into the trash as soon as she was out of sight, having been fairly sure she'd seen the girl behind the counter spit in it.

"I apologize, I'll be out of your way as soon as possible."

[dead_black_eyes]

L knew that Belle was probably too polite to outright say what she thought of the new girl. He might have offered a few suggestions, but it spoke to how much he actually did like his therapist that he didn't immediately offer them.

"You're not in the way. You could even come here more often. So... would you like an iced mocha with no whip?"

[occasus]

[ Caffiene is the nectar of the gods, especially if you're hungover. Hungover, and ready to splurge on something that's not from a gas station. He's got dark circles around his eyes and a smoke behind his ear, making him look the picture of a college kid despite not actually being in any higher education in any way, shape or form. But more importantly, Kei's zombie-like shambling has found Espresso Yourself.

...Wow, that name. Just. wow. He'd roll his eyes at the name if it hadn't hurt to breathe let alone move. ]

Coffee. [ Good job. ] Uh--Large. A gallon if possible.

[dead_black_eyes]

[L stares at the man, clearly nursing a hell out of a hangover.

He blinks once, slowly, before reaching under the counter for an empty milk jug.

It should become fairly apparent, fairly quickly, that the barista has some trouble with his hands. Most of his fingers don't seem to bend properly, with the exceptions of his thumbs and forefingers; the rest appear limp and useless. Fortunately, he has a brace on his left arm to assist with lifting anything heavier, and he ties the adjustable strap around the coffee pot.

It's a pretty neat contraption. The loop holding the pot can even be unlocked so pouring is possible, and L empties the entire pot into the gallon jug. Then, he puts another pot on to brew.

Hopefully, you don't mind waiting a little while for L to fulfill the request as literally and pedantically as possible.]

[occasus]

Are you-- [ Yup. Yup, this is actually happening. Keisuke simply stares, three parts amazed and one part curious, as the barista actually gives him a gallon of coffee.

It's a sweet(?) gesture but it sure as shit isn't what he wanted. ] I was--I was, uh... Joking.

[ Socially inept, meet socially inept. Kei's just going to stare for a bit, and then: ] What would I even pay for this?

[dead_black_eyes]

Mm... we charge $3.29 for a large coffee. A large is 24 ounces.

[He taps the cup before continuing to fill the gallon jug.]

There are 128 ounces in a gallon, therefore there are approximately 5.34 of these cups in a gallon jug, so the best value I could give you is $17.57.

[He doesn't consult a calculator or cash register once, rattling off the numbers as though reciting them by rote. He also utterly fails to acknowledge that the guy said he was joking.]

We take cash and credit, but we've had too much trouble with checks.

[comparative_insanity]

[Well, here comes someone who is a stark contrast of Lazarus' mental state, all bright smiles and bubbly excitement - clearly someone who loves everything about Valentine's day and everything that comes with it this year. Previously he hasn't been so much on the bitter Single's Awareness Day side of it so much as the cynical Hopefully I Will Get Laid side, but this year he's actually feeling romantic and doesn't know how to deal with the unfamiliar overflow of it. Hence being more than usually quite obnoxious.

And of course he's here to get breakfast for him and his Valentine. Of course.]

I want, let's see... a large chocolate and mint iced latte with lots of cream, and... ah, some kind of black tea, no milk or sugar, probably something like English-y. [Wow, helpful.] And two of those salmon bagels, and... oh, those heart cookies over there look like death on a plate, I'll have four.

[dead_black_eyes]

[Oh wow. Just. Wow. Who is this guy and why is he so happy?

L doesn't quite glare at him, but it's probably closer to that than a smile.]

So, do you want English Breakfast, or Earl Grey?

[Before he addressing anything else, he wants this guy to know just how unhelpful that tea request was.]

[comparative_insanity]

[He is that happy to make L's day just a little bit better, of course. Look at how he beams, even though the question has him a little stumped. Youou doesn't drink tea in bags like a normal person, it's all little black leaves in brown bags with strange names, and if it wasn't ice tea Fai wasn't interested in any case. A grievous oversight, clearly.]

[He tilts his head and tugs at the eyepatch over his left eye.]

Mmm, English Breakfast, I guess. Since it's for an Englisman and we're having breakfast.

[No seriously he has no idea of what Earl Grey is supposed to be. Grey tea doesn't sound very tasty.]

[dead_black_eyes]

[The eyepatch gets a lingering glance from L. Fashion statement or necessity? He thinks it could literally go either way with this guy.]

English Breakfast tea, large chocolate mint iced latte with too much whipped cream, two salmon bagels, and four cardiac arrests. Anything else?

[He pecks everything into the cash register. It's probably pretty clear from even a cursory glance that his hands are kind of messed up; only his thumbs and forefingers seem to bend normally.]