savetheearth | [text]

HEY so some of you probably don't remember me which is GREAT because I kind of ignore most of you assholes anyway. I don't know if this is like common knowledge yet since LIKE I SAID I basically try to ignore you for the most part and pretend that none of this shit EXISTS, but I guess the police have magic dogs that can pick us out from people who aren't walking freak shows? WHICH IS AWESOME, RIGHT? I bet it was all over the network at some point, but I'm 100% a giant moron and pretty much never look, so long story short A MAGIC DOG GOT ME and some shitty dickhead cop motherfucker with an ugly face and a big butt arrested me. Did I mention he's an asshole because he is absolutely the biggest asshole fuck him.

Good news is I'm not in jail anymore, hooray for me, right? "BUT RAY HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF JAIL WHEN THEY KNOW YOU'RE ONE OF US :( ?" you may be wondering. Or maybe you don't give a fuck. Well listen up motherfuckers because you're ABOUT to give SUCH a fuck.

I may or may not have completely agreed to act as an informant for the people that want us dead soooooooo that's a thing that's happening now. Detective Slenderman or whatever wants NAMES and I don't want to be DEAD so he's getting his goddamn names.

Now don't worry, I'm not a complete asshole. I'm not going to charge right up to the fucker and sell all of you out, but I can only give the guy fake names and bullshit for so long before he starts catching on and sends the murder patrol to my front door. SO HERE'S HOW THIS IS GOING TO WORK (it probably won't work but I like to pretend to be optimistic): I need volunteers. I need actual REAL LEGIT NAMES to give this dude. Yes that would make life harder for you and YES it would be a giant pain in the ass but maybe we can think of a way to make this work to our advantage somehow? OR you can all just tell me to fuck off and worst case scenario only I have to become dead because I'd rather do that than get anyone else killed. Still though I'd prefer to be ALIVE.

PS: As a general rule, if you're not old enough to drink you're not old enough to volunteer for something this goddamn stupid so you dumbass teenagers can just fuck right off. At the very least nobody's going to be able to accuse me of getting kids mixed up in this.

PPS: I KNOW, I'M A MORON, I GET IT, I'M SORRY, ETC. SHIT HAPPENS, DEAL WITH IT.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I did say EVENTUALLY, man. i know better than to run in with guns blazing. we'd lose. and that'd be it. this is something we need to plan, something we gotta wait for more powers.

i aint no moron. but we also can't just wait for him to make a move. we have to protect our people until we're strong enough to kill his dumb ass

[also hilarious considering Shiro's past life...]

Mm, you know exactly how to warm my heart, danna.

That means I'm getting better at this, right? Hey, where do you keep your dish towels?

[He had said he was going to dry dishes, after all]

... There might be one under the sink.

[He gives Yuji one last squeeze before moving to the sink and pulling the cabinet open.]

I've decided that I'm going to reorganize your entire kitchen.

[The noise he makes is weirdly similar to a purr.]

... What, now?

Your kitchen is a disaster. If I'm going to be staying here, it's going to be perfect.

It would seem my decision to ask you here is already proving to be a good one.

Damn right it is. You even get home cooked meals whenever I feel like making them.

And I didn't even need to marry you.

Yes, yes, you're very lucky. It doesn't come free, y'know.

I know, I know. Soon enough, you'll ask me to bear your children...

[He gestures at the air with a soapy plate, like he's being totally serious.]

Just remember you'll be wrecking my figure in the process.

...Creepy.

[And that's all he has to say to THAT]

What, you didn't know?

I used to be a woman.

[How do you say that with a straight face you shit.]

You're not even trying.

[nobody believes you yuji]

I am so.

Well you lose.

If I must...

[LONG SUFFERING SIGH...]

You must. Now rinse that off so I can dry it.

As you wish, danna.

[do do do TADAAAAA a dry dish.]

[VICTORY. Except fuck Yuji keeps his damn plates in the highest spot in the world. WELL RAY WAS GOING TO PUT THEM AWAY.]

...You know what? Later, I'm moving your dishes to a more short person friendly spot.

You could just leave them on the counter. I'll put them away later.

[Later like "in three days".]

[Ray shrugs a mighty shrug and sets them on the counter.]

Okaaaay, okay. Sounds fair.

[He'll just finish up. Don't mind him.]

Sounds good to me. I'll let you know if anything changes as far as that goes.

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