[video] [backdated to tuesday]

[wonk]

[Roxy Kurosawa is smiling at the camera, leaning back in her black-leathered revolving chair in front of a small, cluttered apartment. Her cat, Mutini, can be seen dozing off to the side.]

Heeeeeeeeey, network peeps! Halloween's coming up soon, so I thought I'd show off my cool new magic trick!

[Her eyebrows furrow as she brings her hands together, as if surrounding a spherical object that isn't actually there. Finger wiggling commences. You get the feeling that some sort of magic unsound effect should be occurring, but unfortunately, there is only silence, until Roxy finally mutters "Abraca-happen! and -

is that a pumpkin?

Yup, it's a pumpkin all right. Roxy Kurosawa can spontaneously create pumpkins out of thin air. Beware her, pumpkin lord, vine-walker, master of all that is orange and round. She grins wider and hefts it, doing her best to show it off to the camera.

Fuckin' rad as shit, right? I'm gonna be selling these in my apartment building in the lobby, but for you guys, they're totally free! Just tell me you're from the network or something like that so I know it's you.

Also, what're you guys all doing on Halloween? I need some people to hang out with, I think my friends dropped. [Her smile falters a little as she says this.] But, um, excuse to meet new people I guess?

So, yeah. Pumpkins, Halloween plans. Let's hear it, people!

[The apartment building's name is attached.}

Comments

[not_good_not_wicked]

I want a magic pumpkin.

[wonk]

I will give you a magic pumpkin. Even better, I'll give you a frickin' free magic pumpkin. All you gotta do is show up in my hotel lobby after like four in the afternoon.

[not_good_not_wicked]

I can do that. I can do it nine times.

Where's your hotel?

[wonk]

It's an apartment, actually, and it's at [INSERT ADDRESS] Do you legit want nine pumpkins, though, because I'm gonna have to charge you for the other eight.

[not_good_not_wicked]

No I just want the one.

[wonk]

Don't look at me like that! It's not the craziest shit that happens on this thing. Half of us are like robots or some shit, I don't fuckin' know.

[not_good_not_wicked]

It's a joke from some stupid flash cartoon I saw a ways back. One pumpkin is plenty.

Mmmmmaaaaaaaybe two.

[wonk]

Still gonna have to charge for the second one.

[not_good_not_wicked]

Why? It's not like you have to worry about profit margins when your expenses are zero.

[wonk]

It's the principle of the thing. One free pumpkin. That's it. I don't know that I'm gonna get much regular business anyways.

[not_good_not_wicked]

Fine fine. One pumpkin for free is still pretty rad.

[wonk]

It's fuckin' rad as shit is what it is. I mean, it's not a regular pumpkin. It's a magic pumpkin.

[not_good_not_wicked]

So how does that work anyways? You can just make pumpkins appear out of thin air?

[wonk]

Yup, pretty much! Just like I showed you. No idea how it works.

[not_good_not_wicked]

But only pumpkins?

[wonk]

Yes.

Don't ask why I dunno either.

[not_good_not_wicked]

Well, as long as you don't feel the need to put together a pumpkin themed costume?

[wonk]

Hey my Headless Horsewoman outfit's gonna be legit.

[not_good_not_wicked]

Well okay that'll do.

[wonk]

What're you gonna do?

[not_good_not_wicked]

With the pumpkin, or for a costume?

[wonk]

I was asking about the costume, but now that you mention it, pumpkin too.

[not_good_not_wicked]

Jack-o-lantern, obviously. Costume wise I found a jumpsuit just like the one the main character of Kill Bill, so...her. I might splatter it with fake blood to complete the look.

[wonk]

Nice, nice. You goin' to that network party?