four sick, disgusting thoughts | audio

[somesayinfire]

[through the open window of Brooke's apartment, any listeners might be able to hear the faint sounds of Sunday night traffic. there's the additional sound of plastic against wood and the selfsame window sliding closed, then some fumbling noises as she gets her phone back into position.]

Sorry I've been off the grid lately, numbers club. No sense in hiding it anymore, I guess. I can't move my arm, and it's because of an echo. That means I can barely work and I definitely can't drive. I guess if nothing else, it's giving me killer legs. [she puts on a weak smile, and that might translate through to her voice, but it's gone as soon as it showed up.]

If anyone was planning on getting any mortuary benefits from me, that's kind of... off the table. At least for right now. I hear prosthetic technology is pretty good, if it comes to that. That's not why I'm finally getting back in touch, though.

I was downtown today and I could swear this ringing in my ears was getting worse the longer I was down there. And I haven't had tinnitus at all—I mean, okay, everyone has it, but mine hasn't ever been this bad. I got that favorite feeling of ours right before I started hearing it, so it could be because of some echo that I haven't figured out yet, but... I don't know.

Do you think one of you guys could head down there and corroborate this story? I'd go again myself, but I look really suspicious and I'm not exactly eager to draw the attention of any cops right now.

Comments

[somesayinfire]

Do you have to suck the fun out of everything.

[drama8om8]

There is a place for puns, and that place is right before you beat up a bad guy. Like. Like if a trained assassin came and attacked you, and you were about to kill them? You could be all like. "You might be a one-man army, but you just got bested...


...

..by a one-armed manny."

It would work better if you were a dude, but whatever.

[somesayinfire]

We're not in a Nic Cage movie, Tavia.

That was a really good pun, though. I think my job lends itself to some good ones. I mean, just by the very nature of it. I have the entire world of death-related bon mots at my disposal, and I know words like "bon mot", too.

[drama8om8]

What if we were in a Nic Cage movie. What if Nic Cage happened to exist in another universe that some people might have had other lives in, and what if that Nic Cage is in Locke somewhere and will one day be on the network and he will come looking for the beautiful pirate fairy that he used to be in love with, and she has to turn him down because she already has a boyfriend. What if he gets super upset and then fights m-- her boyfriend and it's crazy hot and what if that could be a thing. What then.

[ Sorry she zoned out after that first sentence there did you expect anything less ]

[somesayinfire]

Do you want me to give you a minute of privacy so you can work through your feelings on sweaty older men in wifebeaters?

[drama8om8]

They'd get all scuffed-up and wounded and angryfaced. Imagine how mussed-up their hair would get. Imaaaaaaaagine.

[somesayinfire]

Alan vs. Cameron Poe? I think I'll pass on imagining that. If I think too hard about that, I'll probably end up on a government watchlist.

[drama8om8]

But it's so worth it. They could be shirtless and there could be things on fire around them. And explosions. Like eight of them.

[somesayinfire]

Be honest. This is why you got into acting in the first place. So you can star alongside Benedict Goslingcage.

[drama8om8]

I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR DISINGENUOUS ASSERTIONS.

[somesayinfire]

Would you rather act alongside them or direct them? Because directing those hot movie star dudes would be like using your mind powers except totally legally.

1/4

[drama8om8]

2/4

[drama8om8]

3/4

[drama8om8]

4/4

[drama8om8]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait, what was the question again?

[somesayinfire]

Mind controlling sweaty ab stallions to fulfill your every whim. Is it moral?

[drama8om8]

[ Have a few seconds of silence. Because echo. Echo is why. ]

 

 

 

Ewwwwwwww. No. Yeah, I. No.

[somesayinfire]

...You still with me, Tavia? You spaced for a second. And getting you to shut up is like tying a rope around the moon.

[drama8om8]

Never use the phrase "sweaty ab stallion" about anybody hot ever again.

[somesayinfire]

Wow, okay.

Is "galloping muscle horse" still good?

[drama8om8]

SO MUCH WORSE I WANT TO DIE SOMEBODY FIND ME A BRIDGE TO JUMP OFF I AM GOING TO DROWN MYSELF

[somesayinfire]

I'll book you an express ticket to Venice. Maybe the gondoliers will dissuade you.