general clinic log

[testsonseashells]

Who: Drs. Solus or Strider, various patients.
What: Echo checkups
When: Whenever
Where: LSR clinic

The LSR clinic, despite its run-down, beat-up appearance, is actually fairly clean on the inside. Lit by white fluorescent lights, it's generally pretty empty, with the occasional non-network patient coming in to get something looked at. A volunteer is usually found running the front desk, organizing papers and responding to phone calls, while Dr. Solus and Dr. Strider take care of the actual medical business.

The waiting room is barebones compared to other clinics and medical practices - LSR doesn't have the money to get entertainments for the waiting patients, so all that's available are a few chairs.

When it's your turn for an appointment, whoever's at the desk will direct you down a hallway to the left, and you will meet one of the doctors.

[ooc: general clinic log! all checkups for crazy echoes can take place here. specify dr. solus or dr. strider in the subject line.]

Comments

[gunhearted]

... You really think he might?

I mean I know you said they might not, but! You think there's a chance?

[healspec]

I think there is a very good chance, yes.

And if they don't, tell them to call--Ah. [Jacuzzi doesn't have his number.]

[...JACUZZI DOESN'T EVEN HAVE HIS NAME. WOW HE IS BAD AT THIS.]

[eyes narrowed down at the notepad (frustration w/himself), he writes the number for his emergency cell, along with his name, Ravindra Savarna (with "Surya" in parentheses). Maybe Jacuzzi just...won't say anything about him forgetting introductions. GOOD ENOUGH, RIGHT?]

[he also throws in the contact number for the LSR clinic, just in case.]

[He tears off the sheet, hands it over.] Tell them to call me, or the clinic. We can argue for you.

[HE REALLY WOULD PREFER NOT TO. but his own anxieties won't help here so he keeps that to himself. advocating on behalf of a patient is a lot easier than doing it for himself, anyway...]

[gunhearted]

[Considering he is only here for somewhat professional reasons, he's not too upset over it. Especially considering Ravi already mentioned he was uncomfortable sharing names. Jacuzzi's honestly surprised he got his real name.]

Are you sure? I don't want to cause any more trouble... I know I'm already pushing it. Even asking for an excuse might not be fair. It was only because I was freaking out, not like I was actually sick, I mean it's just a tattoo, even if it's on my face, so it shouldn't have impacted what I was doing so I don't want to ask for more when I'm already getting too much.

[healspec]

Ah--no, listen--

[leaning forward, less professional, more personal] Anxiety is an illness. You did not miss school because you were 'freaking out.' You missed it because a chronic illness flared up. Because it is mental instead of physical does not make it less legitimate.

[these are all the things he has had to tell himself in the past to come to terms with his own anxiety. he knows how it is to beat yourself up over it, to minimize your worth, to focus on what should have happened at the expense of accepting the present. he's been there. he gets it.]

[but he has the experience now to know that those urges are also part of the anxiety, and that you need to rebuff them at every opportunity until you learn to stop listening to them.]

I am a nurse and I am providing you care. That is something everyone deserves.

And for me, in your case, care means doing as much as I can to help you out of this problem.

[gunhearted]

[Jacuzzi balls his fists on his knees and ducks his head, looking like he's been scolded more than anything. He's been told this before, by countless school counselors and a handful of teachers, too.

But his parents still expect him to function normally. So it kind of all just adds to the stress, which adds to his bad grades and sub-par involvement in extracurriculars which just adds more stress, which made his grades even worse and there went the idea of going to a university. But he's not going to blurt that out because he knows Ravi is just trying to help.

So he'll nod.]

I-I'll just. Try to ask him nicely or something.

[healspec]

[oh no, did he say the wrong thing? he can't tell if that's 'this is a lecture i didn't want' hunching or not.]

[his gaze lowers; he feels like he should say something more, but it's probably better not to push his luck. he needs to just let it go, leave it at that.]

Right.

[pause. he looks back up.] Is there anything else you needed, while you are here?

[gunhearted]

Huh? [His head snaps up and then he shakes it.] N-no, sorry. You probably have a lot more to do and I kept you a long time already--!

[healspec]

[sigh, a very faintly rueful look. he should probably say something reassuring, but right now he can only think that he'd just screw it up if he tried, so it's better not to.]

[so instead of telling Jacuzzi no, it's fine, he asked because he wants to help, don't worry about whatever else Ravi might need to get done, he just gives a nod and stands.] Alright.

[he gathers up the folder and whatever else he brought into the room, and moves to the door. he pauses. he really does not just want to leave it at that.]

If there is anything I can help with, please contact me. [not 'feel free', open invitation instead of a direct request leaves room for doubt.]

... Even if it is to talk with someone who understands, only. [MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T HAVE ADDED THAT PART?? but that's really important to him. having people who can relate to how your brain works is really valuable.]

[BUT HE'S STILL GOING TO FEEL ANXIOUS OVER HAVING SAID IT FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT.]

[he holds open the door, motioning for Jacuzzi to leave first so Ravi can direct him back toward the waiting room.]

[gunhearted]

[Jacuzzi could probably turn anything Ravi said into "no I'm making trouble." He's kind of set in his ways, that way. And he feels like he's bothering Ravi only because he can't get his head out of that way of thinking.

It's not easy for him.

But there's a moment where he's genuinely touched by Ravi's concern. He makes his way out of the room, and thinks about how to respond. You can't just say thanks, thanks is too easy. But he absolutely knows he'll never call him only because dude's a fucking nurse, he's got bigger problems Jacuzzi's anxiety.

So instead he just "uh"s stupidly for a moment.]

... How did your parents deal with it?

[That's not what he meant to say. He doesn't know what he meant to say but he's kind of curious now...] I mean if they know or anything or--

I-if I can ask I don't wanna ask a weird question! I just--don't know anybody else...

[DOWNWARD SPIRAL DOWNWARD SPIRAL.]

[healspec]

[the question catches him off-guard, and he just stares for a moment.]

[that's... oh, that's really personal, um... he's not sure he wants to talk about his parents, but he also REALLY doesn't want to shut Jacuzzi down immediately after offering himself for exactly this sort of thing.]

[deep inhale, followed by a slow sigh]

Ah...

I did not even realize what it was until after I left home. My parents--

[pause. his eyes slide away from Jacuzzi as he considers how to explain it. there's a wall he needs to put up when he talks about it, an emotional distance between his words and his thoughts, because otherwise he will dig up a whole lot of feelings he has no interest in digging up right now.]

...My parents said I did it on purpose. That I was difficult and stubborn to spite them, anti-social and rude to embarrass them, and failing to live up to their expectations because I was ungrateful to them.

[another pause, his eyes move back to Jacuzzi.] I don't speak with my parents anymore. [his tone is trying to play that off, present it as a plus side or a happy ending, but there is just the tiniest hint of bitterness there.]

[gunhearted]

[Jacuzzi frowns for a second. Really frowns, not scared or nervous, but a real kind of angry kind of sad frown. It doesn't seem right, he thinks, that everybody else thinks they can figure out the inside of your head. That they can think they understand, that you can fix it.

He was really hoping for a different answer, but he guesses it's the best that he can expect. He's slowly starting to think that families just kind of suck about that kind of thing.

And then his frown fades and the set look in his eyes goes away and is replaced again by nervousness.]

S-sorry, I didn't... I should't have asked, it's personal.

Sorry.

[healspec]

[the frown is a little bit vindicating, actually. it's good to know that other people find it upsetting. to have that outside confirmation that he's not just holding a grudge over nothing. in your FACE, Dad.]

It's fine. [light, dismissive. it's not actually fine, it's nosy, but he'll pretend it's fine because he understands why Jacuzzi asked.]

If I didn't want to answer I wouldn't. [THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY TRUE AND WILL NEVER ACTUALLY BE TRUE. he tells himself it's true but he is constantly doing shit he doesn't really want to do because of social pressure.]

[gunhearted]

... Thanks. [It's the only way he can answer without a) feeling like a jerk or b) feeling like an idiot so he's going to go completely silent afterward.

He is absolutely sure he has offended Ravi and Ravi was one of the first people to really help him in a long time and not shove constant "when you feel like you're panicking, imagine hitting a big red 'stop' button"s or "tell me about your coping mechanisms"s or "you can fix this if you just try hard enough"s at him. And so he feels absolutely awful like there's something pressing down on his chest, like he's done something he is completely incapable of fixing.

So rather than do more damage, like always, it's best to just shut up.]

[healspec]

[unfortunately it is not a misconception Ravi is going to correct. If he knew Jacuzzi felt that way, he might make the effort, but he's relieved the conversation is over and not looking to continue it, so he fails to notice the signs. Anxiety, sometimes, can make a person strangely self-absorbed.]

You're welcome. [all he says, and it's rote, because he has standard interactions memorized to recite on demand. that probably doesn't help with the impression Jacuzzi is left with.]

[Ravi ushers him out of the room and points him down the hall toward the exit. it's not a very high note to end the interaction on, but he feels like literally anything else he says will just be an invitation for things to suddenly get worse, so he'd rather this than risk that.]