four; audio

[enrages]

[ It's a voice post because RYAN BROKE KARSON'S FUCKING IPHONE SCREEN YOU PUNK ]

Hey... Do you guys remember the girl who worked at the cupcake store? Candy. She was on the network with us. Have you seen her lately? I...

[ There's a long pause then a sigh. ]

I talked to her girlfriend; she's gone missing. Said the police were snooping around too. I... yeah. Just. Please tell me someone here has taken her in or is hiding her or---

Candy, please respond.

Comments

[drama8om8]

Yeah! Yeah. That's totaly a thing! Why wouldn't it be a thing. Hahaha oh man everything is totally cool and everybody is fine! And this is not a consequence of your video being put on the youtube and nobody is coming for you next and nobody will be coming for anyone who may have televised their powers either that's not even a thing LIFE IS GREAT AND FINE AND GOOD.

[enrages]

Oh god, oh man, oh god, we're targets. We're totally targets. We are the biggest targets that ever targeted a shittyass targeting target. They're coming after us-- me probably. Me first, and once I'm dead and gone and out of the way, they'll come after you, and even Alan going full psycho won't help, because they're police and they have guns and tasers and oh god.

[drama8om8]

No! No no no no no no no NO. No! No way. If anybody tries to get any of us I will mind control them I'll mind control all of them they won't get close I will fuck them up I will make them PAY.

[enrages]

Can you... read minds too? That might actually be really useful.

[drama8om8]

I, uh. Iunno. I'll try! Think of a number.

[enrages]

Okay, okay. Got a number. I'm going to think it really, really hard.

[drama8om8]

 

 

 

 

Is it eight?

[ NO MIND READING FOR HER YET ]

[enrages]

...Yes, but only because I thought you'd be thinking of eight. So that was kinda cheating. LET'S TRY AGAIN.

[drama8om8]

Okay okay. Something you can't fake this time! Think of your deepest darkest secret. One I couldn't ever guess. Go!

[enrages]

... Got it. [ please dont mindread please dont mindread ]

[drama8om8]

[ TRYING REALLY REALLY HARD

MAKING TINY HRRRGHGHGHHHH NOISES

SHE CAN FEEL IT

SHE ]

Yeah no I can't read minds.

[ YETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ]

[enrages]

Goddamnit. [ whew ] Why don't you get a useful ability?!

[drama8om8]

[ OW???????? ]

Hey! Mind control is hells of useful! And when the police slash Thunder guys slash aliens come for you and I mind control them into stopping, you'l see that. You'll see! You'll seeeeeeee.

[ ... ]

Plus like. Maybe I can sort of read minds. Like I bet I could make you tell me what your secret was! So it's basically the same thing.

[ Implied threat 100% intentional ]

[enrages]

[ Thinder corp go the fuck to sleep louise ]

...Wait, seriously? Can you do that? Like, the forced-secret sharing thing? Try that!

[drama8om8]

[ FUCK YOU LINDA CAN'T BE TAMED ]

NOTE TO ALL KANTIS: he totally just asked me to do this. Tell me your deepest darkest secret, Karson!

[ yeah ok Octavia is kind of scared of Kanti's friendwrath SO IF THIS DOESN'T WORK THAT'S A CONVENIENT EXCUSE WHY.................. ]

[enrages]

I'm wearing Space Jam boxers right now.

1/3

[drama8om8]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh my god.

2/3

[drama8om8]

Do

 

 

Do they

3/3

[drama8om8]

 

 

 

Do they have "come on and slam" written on them?

[enrages]

THAT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

[drama8om8]

OH MY GOD I BET THEY DO--

[ NOPE, CRACKING THE FUCK UP. Karson may be able to make out a tiny strangled "welcome to the jam" between shrieks of laughter. TEEHEE ]

[enrages]

I REALLY FUCKING LOVED THAT MOVIE AS A KID, OKAY?! IT WAS REALLY GODDAMN INSPIRING. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME.

[drama8om8]

WORK THAT BODY, WORK THAT BODY, MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HURT NOBODY~

[ Is she going to sing the entire space jam song? Yes. Yes she is. Complete with terrible white girl rap.

ENJOY. ]

[enrages]

[ SIGHS and accepts his fate, because honestly, it could probably be worse. ]