003M action;

[toobig]

[For once, Bertholdt is outside of his apartment. This is a very strange thing, considering he's always closed up inside away from everyone. Despite his shyness, even shut ins have to get groceries and Bertholdt had decided to take his work with him, stopping to sit in the park before he heads home. It's not too hot out, which means he won't overheat, around five o'clock in the evening. It's getting a little cooler out generally now anyway.]

[He can be seen sitting on a bench in the park with a thick manuscript in his hands, checking through each page slowly. After a while he'll pause in his work to light a cigarette and relax back against the bench. For anyone who's only known Bertholdt over the Network, it might be alarming to find out that he's 6'5". While he's sitting down, it's apparent that he's really tall regardless.]

[He's not a big talker, but maybe he'll appreciate some company?]

Comments

[toobig]

I... I don't know.

[He sighs.]

I guess you're right. That's-- that's really... uh, scary.

[wirsinddiejager]

Yeah. A lot of things about this are.

[toobig]

I guess I just... hope it'll go away, if I'm honest.

I'm a coward.

[He doesn't sound too upset about it. He's accepted it, really.]

[wirsinddiejager]

[Alan makes a face at the ground and hesitates a little. It feels kind of weird to talk to an adult like an equal, especially someone he doesn't actually know, but he can't bring himself to just be polite and not say anything.]

...That's a really lame excuse, you know. It's not gonna go away, no matter what. Saying you're a coward without even trying to do anything makes it sound more like you're too lazy to try.

[toobig]

[Woah the shounen protag is strong in this one.]

[Bertholdt just sighs a little. He's being lectured by a child again.... But somehow, it doesn't even strike him as odd.]

I know I am.

[wirsinddiejager]

So what are you going to do if they end up coming after you, or someone you care about? Just sit back and do nothing?

[toobig]

I don't know what I'd do.

I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it.

[wirsinddiejager]

[Alan scowls up at him. Few things are as annoying to him as people just giving up.]

I think that's bullshit. I think if you were in real danger, you'd fight, just like anyone else.

[toobig]

I don't know how to.

I'm a weak person, I can admit that.

[wirsinddiejager]

Sheesh...

[YOUR LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE IS DISAPPOINTING THE TEENAGER, BERTL.]

Then if you're so scared, why don't you just skip town? You're not stuck here like me.

[toobig]

[IT DISAPPOINTS HIM TOO.]

[Bertholdt bites his lip and looks away.]

I can't... I guess I'm-- too invested now.

[wirsinddiejager]

Invested or not, it's still your own choice to stay. If you were as much of a coward as you say you are, I think you'd already have left.

[toobig]

Or too much of one.

I'm... too afraid to leave.

[wirsinddiejager]

What's scary about leaving? Staying here is a lot more dangerous.

[toobig]

Forgetting, I guess.

Not... remembering anything that's happened... is worse than living through it.