savetheearth | [text; ipad]

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[text; ipad]

Hey guys and gals who knew Gogo just wanted to let you know he's a regular cat again. Idk why but he doesn't talk or understand human anymore. It's been two weeks. Was hoping he'd "come back" but so far no dice

[ true story: he cleaned out an empty can of cat food, taped a toothpick-and-paper-sail in the middle, and floated it in the bathtub while crouched down outside of it, holding gomez in front of him and having him wave good-bye with his paw.

THE ULTIMATE SADNESS. ]

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[thoughtful frown] I don't know.

[he folds his arms and thinks about it for a second]

Maybe we each should write a note for ourselves. It's easier to believe in our own handwriting, yes?

I think... I think someone did that? [ half question because his memory of the post is hazy. ] It hadn't worked for them.

[ tbh it's questionable if Alex would believe it, even with his own handwriting. He thinks he would, but it's more probable that he'd shake his head and laugh it off. ]

[...oh, sudden thought--] We can test what we will believe, can't we?

[ a brief questioning look that clears with comprehension. ]

Not me.

[puzzled look] Why not you?

'Cause I don't want to.

[ ain't no way Alex is voluntarily choosing to forget a part of himself so thoroughly as leaving the town did ]

[Ravi just stares at him. it is a perfectly deadpan judgmental sort of stare, like he's waiting for Alex to add something to dig himself out of the hole he just dug himself into.]

[alex is not taking this seriously. he does not think it could happen to him. he is not concerned about Ravindra needing to convince him to stay away from the cops and stay away from Thunder Corp for both their safety. 'i don't want to' is bullshit with the stakes they're talking about here.]

[ newp. nothing ravi can say will convince alex to be the one stepping across locke city's invisible memory pulse bullshit boundary. ]

You can, though.

Yes, I plan on it. Because I want to know what you have to tell me to keep us both safe if I forget.

[STARE.]

When do you wanna do this?

[ deadpan stare is apparently not garnering the effect ravi wanted.

before ravi can reply, or maybe right as ravi is about to reply, he adds, ] What if I told you to flee? Flee, little one! It's not safe here!

[ complete with hand motions! ]

[wow alex fuck you]

Fine.

If you don't want to take it seriously, that's fine.

[he is getting up and leaving]

I'll just go find someone who actually cares.

What? [ it comes out as a half-laugh, half-question. ] I am taking this seriously. When do you want to do this?

[he stops and spins to face alex. he mad]

No. You're not. You aren't worried about it. You don't care what happens to me if that [points at Gomez] happens to you.

You're only humouring me because I'm upset. I know what that sounds like, Alex.

[ it isn't that he doesn't care what happens to ravi, exactly. it's that despite alex's replies to others on the phenomenon, he doesn't actually believe it'll happen to him.

it isn't all that different from hearing about some terrible thing, sympathizing with the affected party, and yet getting caught surprised when it happens to you. there's a disconnect.

brows furrowing, he regards ravi with a troubled look, not understanding the depth of his irritation. tentatively, he says, ] If it happens to me... maybe you should find a new roommate.

[he just looks at Alex like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS]

Because you would take it so well if I suddenly kicked you out for no reason, right?

[ he rubs the side of his neck. ]

No, but... Would it matter?

[and now Ravi is staring at him completely dumbfounded and, frankly, more than a little hurt.]

[of course it would matter! how could Alex be so cavalier about the idea of Ravi losing him as a friend?]

Because-- [ he holds his hand out to explain. ] Because I'd become a liability to you, right? And you'd pose a danger to me.

[ he clucks his tongue. ]

I dunno, actually. I don't think they know who we are individually yet, so... It'd be best to cut ties, wouldn't it?

[ alex is very thankful that his family does not live in the city, but they're still a little too close for his liking. it's not like he can just tell them to up and move for no reason, though-- the thought is so absurd it hasn't even crossed his mind.

ben paul's family, fred's mother, lyall's coworker-- all innocents caught in the crossfire.

so if it were ravi who suddenly forgot, alex would want to put as much distance between them as possible. ]

[no. No no no he is not okay with this. It's solid reasoning but, just, no.]

[he sets his hand against the wall like he needs it to stay on his feet. There's a troubled look on his face and a kind of distance in his eyes as he considers the prospect of losing his closest friend over bullshit that neither of them can control. Of being forced to cut ties with anybody that doesn't have a network number.]

[his circle of people is already so small that he can't afford to lose anyone.]

[he was worried before but now there is that familiar twist of anxiety in his stomach, making him feel sick.]

Don't cut me out of your life to protect me. [it's soft but heavy. They were talking about him doing it to Alex if Alex forgot, but he has control over that. He doesn't have control over the reverse, and that's why it's worse for him to consider.]

[ oops. it's very obvious that alex has upset ravindra. he waits out the silence, not wanting to potentially deter ravi from speaking up.

flipping the cover of his ipad down, he sets it against the wall next to gomez, draws his legs up and pats the side of the bed, a wordless offer for him to sit. ]

[he forces down a deep breath and pulls away from the wall. he sits at the edge of the bed again, his fingers laced together between his knees, staring down at the floor]

[he is silent for a long time before he speaks again]

I would rather be in danger than be alone.

[ dang, yo, that's heavy. alex has no idea what to say to that.

he doesn't agree.

he doesn't agree, but it isn't his call. half of it, anyway.

he bites down on his lower lip, closes his eyes briefly, and gives ravi a resigned look. ]

All right.

[ he'll defer to ravi... for now. arguing his side doesn't seem worth it right now.

he turns his attention onto gomez, placing his hand on him. ]

You're better at handling danger than I am.

Mm. [he certainly has more experience with it.]

We don't have to test it.

I only...worry. About everything. [that last bit is mumbled, self-reproachful. he's still worrying, he still feels that anxiety clawing at him. he can't even tell himself not to worry about it until it happens because it will already be too late by then.]

It's hard not to, but don't let it eat you up, yeah? [ he looks up to flash ravi a lopsided, toothy grin. ] You're not turning into a monster, so at least there's that?

[way easier said than done.]

[he glances toward Alex and catches the smile. the corner of his mouth lifts very slightly, in a weak, wry smile of his own] That we know of.

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