[text; ipad]

[amberhearted]

Hey guys and gals who knew Gogo just wanted to let you know he's a regular cat again. Idk why but he doesn't talk or understand human anymore. It's been two weeks. Was hoping he'd "come back" but so far no dice

[ true story: he cleaned out an empty can of cat food, taped a toothpick-and-paper-sail in the middle, and floated it in the bathtub while crouched down outside of it, holding gomez in front of him and having him wave good-bye with his paw.

THE ULTIMATE SADNESS. ]

Comments

[healspec]

[he stops and spins to face alex. he mad]

No. You're not. You aren't worried about it. You don't care what happens to me if that [points at Gomez] happens to you.

You're only humouring me because I'm upset. I know what that sounds like, Alex.

[amberhearted]

[ it isn't that he doesn't care what happens to ravi, exactly. it's that despite alex's replies to others on the phenomenon, he doesn't actually believe it'll happen to him.

it isn't all that different from hearing about some terrible thing, sympathizing with the affected party, and yet getting caught surprised when it happens to you. there's a disconnect.

brows furrowing, he regards ravi with a troubled look, not understanding the depth of his irritation. tentatively, he says, ] If it happens to me... maybe you should find a new roommate.

[healspec]

[he just looks at Alex like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS]

Because you would take it so well if I suddenly kicked you out for no reason, right?

[amberhearted]

[ he rubs the side of his neck. ]

No, but... Would it matter?

[healspec]

[and now Ravi is staring at him completely dumbfounded and, frankly, more than a little hurt.]

[of course it would matter! how could Alex be so cavalier about the idea of Ravi losing him as a friend?]

[amberhearted]

Because-- [ he holds his hand out to explain. ] Because I'd become a liability to you, right? And you'd pose a danger to me.

[ he clucks his tongue. ]

I dunno, actually. I don't think they know who we are individually yet, so... It'd be best to cut ties, wouldn't it?

[ alex is very thankful that his family does not live in the city, but they're still a little too close for his liking. it's not like he can just tell them to up and move for no reason, though-- the thought is so absurd it hasn't even crossed his mind.

ben paul's family, fred's mother, lyall's coworker-- all innocents caught in the crossfire.

so if it were ravi who suddenly forgot, alex would want to put as much distance between them as possible. ]

[healspec]

[no. No no no he is not okay with this. It's solid reasoning but, just, no.]

[he sets his hand against the wall like he needs it to stay on his feet. There's a troubled look on his face and a kind of distance in his eyes as he considers the prospect of losing his closest friend over bullshit that neither of them can control. Of being forced to cut ties with anybody that doesn't have a network number.]

[his circle of people is already so small that he can't afford to lose anyone.]

[he was worried before but now there is that familiar twist of anxiety in his stomach, making him feel sick.]

Don't cut me out of your life to protect me. [it's soft but heavy. They were talking about him doing it to Alex if Alex forgot, but he has control over that. He doesn't have control over the reverse, and that's why it's worse for him to consider.]

[amberhearted]

[ oops. it's very obvious that alex has upset ravindra. he waits out the silence, not wanting to potentially deter ravi from speaking up.

flipping the cover of his ipad down, he sets it against the wall next to gomez, draws his legs up and pats the side of the bed, a wordless offer for him to sit. ]

[healspec]

[he forces down a deep breath and pulls away from the wall. he sits at the edge of the bed again, his fingers laced together between his knees, staring down at the floor]

[he is silent for a long time before he speaks again]

I would rather be in danger than be alone.

[amberhearted]

[ dang, yo, that's heavy. alex has no idea what to say to that.

he doesn't agree.

he doesn't agree, but it isn't his call. half of it, anyway.

he bites down on his lower lip, closes his eyes briefly, and gives ravi a resigned look. ]

All right.

[ he'll defer to ravi... for now. arguing his side doesn't seem worth it right now.

he turns his attention onto gomez, placing his hand on him. ]

You're better at handling danger than I am.

[healspec]

Mm. [he certainly has more experience with it.]

We don't have to test it.

I only...worry. About everything. [that last bit is mumbled, self-reproachful. he's still worrying, he still feels that anxiety clawing at him. he can't even tell himself not to worry about it until it happens because it will already be too late by then.]

[amberhearted]

It's hard not to, but don't let it eat you up, yeah? [ he looks up to flash ravi a lopsided, toothy grin. ] You're not turning into a monster, so at least there's that?

[healspec]

[way easier said than done.]

[he glances toward Alex and catches the smile. the corner of his mouth lifts very slightly, in a weak, wry smile of his own] That we know of.

[amberhearted]

[ he actually has family he cares about too close for comfort, a very strong sense of self, and he is definitely turning into a monster.

yes, it is way easier said than done.

but it can still be done. ]

I don't think magicking away hangovers is a monster spell in any universe. [ he slouches further against the wall. ] Fuck, maybe you're turning into an angel.

[ that is immediately followed by a snicker. ]

[healspec]

[having family you care about must be nice, though...]

[he makes a face at the angel comment. he's not offended, it just sounds ridiculous.] If I were an angel I would actually be handsome.

[amberhearted]

[ three responses immediately come to mind. alex goes for the stupidest.

he lifts the back of his hand to his forehead and bends his side. ]

Oh, but look at me, I'm swooning in the rays of your handsomeness.

[healspec]

[he gives an amused snort and nudges Alex's shin]

Idiot. [that is a term of endearment, though]

[amberhearted]

Overwhelmed by the burning look in your eyes! Oh, sun lord, take me now!

[ by now, alex has twisted himself pretty much ninety degrees from his original position and is now lying on the bed at an awkward curve, hands held up towards ravi. he is a flexible man. ]

[healspec]

[laughing, he twists to shoot Alex an 'are you for real' sort of look] Would you--

[knock it off, he's about to say, but the Echo hits him very suddenly and the life seeps out of his expression as his eyes go distant. it's not a feeling he's used to.]

[he feels like they've done this before. no, he knows it--he suddenly remembers that affectionate use of 'idiot' in reply to Alex's nonsense and he has done it a lot]

[after the feeling passes, he remains silent, his eyes drawing Alex back into focus. Echo, that was a really awkward moment to kick in, he's not quite sure how to explain that now]

[amberhearted]

[ would you?

alex blinks, waiting for the rest. would you-- what? ]

... What? [ his smile begins to fall, hands with it. since he's effectively viewing ravi upside down, he doesn't notice the distant look quite so acutely, but the silence is odd. ]

[healspec]

Ah--nothing. It was only... [vague wave, not quite wanting to mention pulses when they were just discussing some uncomfortable subjectmatter surrounding them]

I remembered something.

[amberhearted]

[ his hands come to rest on his stomach. when no further elaboration is given, he asks, ] Something normal or...

[healspec]

[reluctant face] A pulse.

It was nothing important.

[amberhearted]

Oh. Okay.

[ CURIOSITY, THOUGH.....

speaking of. ]

I didn't tell you, did I? That night we [ I ] got smashed, I had one, too.

[ he's nudging gomez with his toes. ]

Like we got into fights a lot.

[healspec]

Ah--really?

[that sounds a little bit distracted. he's turned toward the wall instead of looking at Alex.]

Like fistfights, you mean?