[video]

[wirsinddiejager]

[Alan looks terrible, like he hasn't slept for a couple of days. (That would be because he hasn't.) He's still feeling nervous about bringing up the scorpion encounter and potentially having to mention his weird outburst, but he figures the network should know about it. Might as well do it now, when he's too tired to care much.]

Uh, hey. There was this big purple scorpion...thing running around the other night? It stung people and made them laugh like morons for hours.

[He yawns and rubs at his eyes, then takes a sip of coffee.]

Anyway, it was following Octavia and she led it to my house because for some reason she thought I might have a gun and, uh, we killed it. Together. It was a team effort. Go us.

That's pretty much it, just though you guys might want to hear about it.

Comments

[counterclock]

embracing federal law is literally in DIRECT OPPOSITION of the basic tenets of libertarianism
you cannot be a libertarian who believes in big government
it's not possible
libertarians believe i-- you know what
i don't even know why i'm bothering
you're shithive maggots inane
your entire existence is composed of some manic desire to be hysterically wrong while simultaneously maintaining firm conviction in your nonsense
so basically you are the long lost bush

[enrages]

Don't you dare label me as a traitor to the true conservative party. I'm new-age libertarian, punk. New age. I AM the rEVOLution.

[counterclock]

oh fuck
it's worse than i thought
you're infested with a fungal disease
i didn't know the conservadweeb zombies actually existed
until this day
brb getting the bat and a picture of divine

[enrages]

fixed it for you

[counterclock]

you didn't even try
also ron paul legit looks like a circus clown
his nose is bulbous enough to be the painful end of a double sided dildo

[enrages]

don't judge people for their looks.
that's ridiculously shallow.
shame on you.

[counterclock]

i notice you aren't disagreeing

[enrages]

he's not very attractive.

[counterclock]

at least you're man enough to admit it
i mean
say what you want about obama's policies but
he and michelle
are on fire

[enrages]

yeah yeah okay, fine.
i'd be dumb to disagree with that.

[counterclock]

you've done your country proud kid
while we're on the subject though
sarah palin vs. michelle bachmann
fuck or die
who would you choose

[enrages]

i would
really
rather not think of politicians in a sexual manner
ever
especially not them

[counterclock]

oh sorry dude
you gay?
how about like uhhh
john edwards vs. harold ford jr

[enrages]

im going to be sick.

[counterclock]

hey now look
i realize we're playing on a feeble ground here but
give them some credit
they aren't that bad looking
i mean i would probably chew my own tit off before going anywhere near bachmann or palin's collective conservative twattage but
that ford guy isn't so bad
if my choices were fuck or die i could see myself laying back and thinking of england
if i had to pick a politician tho it would definitely be michelle obama
seriously have you heard about her biceps
she could shatter your skull just by flexing those things

[enrages]

im now sick.
i am now vomiting, and it's all your fault.

[counterclock]

cool
achievement unlocked

[enrages]

ugh goodbye 5ever

[counterclock]

nnnope

[enrages]

yyyyyyyyyup ugh i feel gross now.

[counterclock]

think about obama scrubbing your back in the shower
i mean by all rights
he's probably watching you anyway

[enrages]

never
showering again.

[counterclock]

he probs watches you on the toilet too
all public toilets
you might think you're safe at home
but
good luck finding the camera hidden in your actual bathroom

[enrages]

this is a really uncomfortable conversation.
i'm uncomfortable.
someone help.

[counterclock]

where is your messiah ron paul now
nowhere
he doesn't care about you
or your right to take a shit in peace