savetheearth | [text via computer]

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[text via computer]

[His parents always told him that if he finds a mysterious secret network that can only be accessed by unusual means, he should use the eight proxy servers set up in the attic before connecting to it and then determine its use before proceeding with anything else.

He always thought it was a load of bull, but all of a sudden everything his parents ever told him seems relevant. Now the question is: how do you check something if something is part of a secret conspiracy to brainwash everyone without blowing your cover?]

This is a test to check for proper network functioning and see if anything needs fixing.

Is this connected to the water treatment facility, city hall, department of agriculture, Roswell in New Mexico, the city maintenance office, any psychiatry offices, or any stores selling Adidas shoes?

Also, what's the connection to Thomas Edison's birthday?

[NAILED IT.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, but who do you think regulates all the pesticides and GM crops they use on the corn fields? The USDA could be letting anything get used in there! They're already having problems with GM crops and overused pesticides creating resistant bugs and weeds, so they need to create all new ones before the industry goes under.

They could easily slip in some new chemical that, once you eat the new mutant corn, gives the NSA direct access to your brain!

That makes way more sense than the NSA getting everyone's personal information for them, if you ask me. What would the corn industry even want with that?

[the knowledge that his parents would be proud of what he just wrote makes him bury his face in his hands as soon as he sends it.]

the corn industry needs to know how people act, what they do, what they like to eat, who they like to talk to, etc etc etc in order to maximize the effectiveness of their crazy chemical shit.
it'd have to be a joint-organization operation.
all headed by obama, most likely.

more like NObama.

So the USDA, NSA, and corn industry are all in cahoots with each other? I guess I can see that.

I don't think it's Obama, though, they probably just want you to think that. I bet it's like, his bodyguard or something.

it's definitely obama.

Haven't you ever heard of 'the butler did it'? It's like that, except I don't think Obama has a butler, so it has to be his bodyguard. It's way too easy to just say it's Obama--and I bet the bodyguard knows it, too, so he's using him as a distraction.

Edited 2013-07-14 21:27 (UTC)

no, it's totally obama.
have you ever listened to this guy speak?
he is the most nefariously deceptive piece of shit this universe has ever experienced.
like, he claims he's such a big deal and is super different from all the other shitty politicians, but what has he done????
narrowed the trade gap with china, okay i'll accept that.
but guantanamo is still open, he's massively increased drone strikes.

what else is different?
nothing.
but everyone's convinced he's some sort of massive change.
he's so insanely deceptive, it's ridiculous.
only a mastermind of utmost evil could convince an entire nation that he's our savior.

I don't know, he's probably like one of those really clueless figureheads who doesn't know what's going on at all--the real masterminds are everybody working for him, and they just put this one guy at the front so that he gets all the attention instead of the real bad guys. That's how he has so much support (from the PR team), has the NSA messing up all the corn (from his bodyguard), but hasn't done anything about Guantanamo or anything else (from his scheming political advisors)! I just can't see how he's the only one behind it, somebody else would've stopped him by now if it was just him.

...His PR is really good though. They might be doing something subliminal, I don't know.

occam's razor says it's obama.

William of Ockham only came up with that so that nobody would suspect him of helping the King bring the Black Death to England.

[At this point he's just spouting random shit to see what this person's gonna say next (does he actually believe what he's writing?)

Normally Danny wouldn't do this, but anonymity is an intoxicating thing.]

franciscans don't get involved with that shit.
besides, everyone knows the black death was brought by shitty italian traders who got too close to filthy muscovik savages in the crimea.
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

Oh my god.

Okay, I give up.

You win. I don't know how to respond to that.

it's fine.
not everyone's on my level.
i'm used to being the only genius in a conversation.

[yes, exactly. 'genius' is EXACTLY the word Danny had in mind for this guy.]

Where do you even get this stuff?

from actual fact.
where all shit comes from.
duh.

Someday they'll make a whole encyclopedia set containing all your wisdom and knowledge, from Obama to Crimea.

i will make so much money, it will be embarrassing to literally every government organization ever made.
snowden doesn't have shit on my skills.

At least until paper encyclopedia books become completely obsolete and everyone will torrent pdf's of the whole thing.

the entertainment industry's got my back.
they've got so much legislation going on right now to stop that shit from happening, it's unbelievable.

That hasn't stopped anyone from torrenting movies.

it has in germany.
you can thank GEMA for that.
we just need to adopt some of their techniques and bam.
no more piracy.

Wow, you've really got all this worked out, don't you?

*someone* has to understand all this shit.
that someone is obviously not you.
or anyone on this network.
or anyone besides me in general.

Wow.

You actually understand everything so well that you should be the one in charge of keeping straight all the conspiracies at work around here.

they're not "conspiracies," dumb shit.
they're fact.

Actually!

con·spir·a·cy
/kənˈspirəsē/
Noun
1. A secret plan by a group to do something unlawful or harmful.
2. The action of plotting or conspiring.

It doesn't actually say anywhere that conspiracies aren't fact, people just usually assume that part on their own and deny them just because that's what they're called.

Now, conspiracy theories are more likely to be fake, but that's why they're called theories.

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