savetheearth | audio - computer

audio - computer - fairytales

[Candy is angry. And also kind of hysterical. She's audibly shaken and her voice fades in and out slightly, as if she's walking towards and then away from the microphone. Pacing, clearly.]

Fairies and dragons and unicorns aren't real! They're not real, okay? Life isn't some stupid fairytale! I mean, unless that's yet another mystery that no one decided to tell me until now! Surprise, Candy, someone's trying to kill everyone, cats can talk, and oh by the way, fairies are real! Didn't you know that already? Except maybe I did, because suddenly I remember them! How is that possible?

Oh, and apparently there are deer living in one of the parks here now? Except I didn't know that either until one of them came crashing through my cafe's window and attacked us! Ugh...this is all so stupid...

[She goes quiet for a bit. After awhile she speaks again, closer to the mic this time.] Um...sorry...sorry about all that...I didn't mean to rant...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm going to laugh so hard when you go to punch the deer, but in the end, the deer punches you.

Deer don't have fists to punch with, you ignorant stooge.

What if they got fists?! Like... Like, you know how some cats on here can talk? What if they got fists too? Not even hands-- just fists!

Then I will engage the deer in man-to-ma-- girl-to-deer combat and I will kick its ass. Its puny deerfists will be no match for my incredible talent for fucking things up!

Deer are, like, pure muscle. All you've got in bulk is hair and shitty coin powers. There is no way you'll win.

I'd do better against it than you did, chickenboy. Cluck cluck!

Shut the fuck up, woman. I did damn well considering the circumstances! Who came up with the idea to kill those shitty ticks? Me. Who came up with the idea to not tell the fucking police? Also me.

You just wish you could plan in the middle of a warzone like I can!