[Voice]

[espigeonage]

Suil, network. Minor question, but I figure I know enough people who can answer it! [he's teasing. More seriously:] What are some of the things you start to notice, getting older?

[he's not telling people about his potential lifespan, there's a safer reason to share]

I looked at some selfies from a couple years ago and some today. My skin's changed, it's thinner now. Not as oily. So that might be it. But I think there's more of a hint of, um, lines around my eyes. [With laughing complaint] I'm twenty-five, this is way too early! And like half-Japanese, that's supposed to set them back more.

Comments

[disdainfully]

How humans get older physically?

You get less flexible - at first, there really aren't all that many changes. But neither of us is human anymore, at least not to a degree that justifies expecting human development.

[espigeonage]

Sure!

You mean like more set in your ways, or physically less flexible? Or both? It's still something I want to know about. [a little wistful] I still want to consider myself human - not physically, I'm not that stubborn, but like in an identity way.

[disdainfully]

Both, maybe, though my father was as set in his ways when I was a child as he is now.

You still have a human mind, but you aren't human anymore, and age doesn't show much interest in how old you feel.

[espigeonage]

Ouch. I've known a few people like that, it sounds kind a difficult.

Sure I am. In the "human nature" metaphorical way, at least. If I lost a limb and had a prosthetic that wouldn't change my humanity.

[disdainfully]

It is. [He'll not get much deeper into this here, but if Julien has heard anything about the issues with Killian and Hjalti, he can probably guess why he's cutting it short here. People that are known on the network are involved.]

You aren't human in the biological sense anymore, and by that your ageing might be different now, or at least the signs of it.

[espigeonage]

Mmm. [He knows some.]

[Very, very little of Julien is actually human anymore; his body looks more human than it is. Almost all the tissue in his body is avian. And he really, really doesn't want to let on what he's found out.] And I have no idea what those signs are, so it's worth hearing about how it happens in normal humans. I can't go gray, my knuckles are already swollen, I've had lines hinting around my eyes for months now but I'm honestly in the best health of my life.

[disdainfully]

Are bird knuckles not usually swollen?

[That's a species that he really hasn't had all that much to do with; he knows dogs, that's pretty much it.]

[espigeonage]

...I don't know. Going off - well have you seen the size of my hands and feet? How they're kinda knobbly?

[disdainfully]

I have.

[He frowns, waiting for more to come.]

[espigeonage]

They're huge! So they look swollen. Might just be how they usually are. Doesn't hurt. I mean, not now that I'm in the habit of washing my feet all the time. They start to ache if- um, anyway.

Point is I don't know what's supposed to happen with my body. If there's a "normal". Like, molting was a surprise.

[disdainfully]

I guess most things that usually happen with birds will happen with you - do you know which kind of bird you're turning into?

[With dwarves, they can only assume that their bodies generally have a kind of human behaviour.]

[espigeonage]

Mmm. [He makes a dissatisfied noise that does not sound entirely human, and then his voice is dark.]

He's a pigeon.

[disdainfully]

[There is a long pause.]

So you will have flight, at least.

[espigeonage]

I can fly. Just not like he can, or could, or... whatever.

[He sounds glum.]

This is not dignified.

[disdainfully]

I thought you could only glide.

...Few of us have gotten more dignified with their echoes.

[espigeonage]

I know. But you still get to have power, get mythical and stuff. I don't... I don't want this.

[disdainfully]

I'm also turning into a person that... [He shakes his head.] That I will do my best to not become.

This being a bird?

[espigeonage]

What's he like?

This... turning into an animal stuff. It's literally dehumanizing, and there isn't something proud or noble to replace it. People call them vermin, or sport. There's... they're more than that, there's this whole history to them, but - pigeon.

[disdainfully]

Someone who sees it entirely justified to kill sentient beings to the last man, woman and child.

It depends of what pigeon you're talking about. There are different kinds, and then you have the messenger ones.

[espigeonage]

Ugh. Why?

I know, there's Cher Ami and all that. And he's white, and "dove" probably applies, too. People still think "disease".

[disdainfully]

For vengeance.

Doves are also a sign of innocence and love. [His voice does not change from the serious one at his first words when he says that. He's not teasing, he means to help.]

[espigeonage]

An eye for an eye, or something? It's wrong, but it's not that rare a sentiment.

[Julien's been trying to just complain, not to let on how it bothers him.] And God's will. I know. But I'm not any of that. It doesn't fit.