savetheearth | 01: phone textage

So after a few months of being in complete denial that I am quite possibly at least a little bit insane, I decided to check out this... magical psychic hotline number network thingy. Or whatever it is. I've come to the conclusion that you are all straight up batshit, and that I probably shouldn't have bothered for the sake of my own mental well being.

But fuck it. Work's dead and I don't have anything better to do right now.

But no seriously are you real people or am I just texting my brand new imaginary friends or something. Maybe you are people. Maybe you're evil telemarketers, and telemarketer technology has advanced to the point of transmitting numbers directly into people's brains. Or no better yet, maybe it's an elaborate government spy tool or something. I don't THINK anyone drilled anything into my skull during basic, but it could happen. Maybe THE MAN is watching me text crazyness to myself RIGHT NOW through my own brain.

Dear Government, if this is you get the fuck out of my brain before I set you on fire.

(just in case this IS the government, i won't actually set you on fire I'M SORRY)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Setting the government on fire sounds like an awful idea.

And dangerous!

And generally bad for the economy!

Please don't set the government on fire.

We'd really appreciate it!

Oh God there's two of them.

Uh... yes, yes there are.

[...]

I'm Miria Dian...

And I'm Isaac Dian...

[...]

Y'alright?

I'm great. I'm perfect. Just pretty sure I'm going a little insane is all. Are you folks as crazy as the rest of these people?

...That's not a very polite thing to ask, is it.

[Suddenly very nervous Thanks Ray]

I'd... hope we aren't crazy.

Because we're not.

Right! We're normal!

Totaly weirdness free!

Ahahahahaha!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

[Laughter continues.]

...Somehow I'm not convinced.

B-b-but...

We do normal, sane things!

Like own an antiques store!

And manage an antiques store!

And watch movies in our room above the antiques store!

And socialize with people outside the antiques store!

And eat ice cream!

I dunno, the fact that you're so adamant about convincing me that your sane is just coming across as denial that you are, in face, quite insane.

Ice cream though. That sounds good.

WHY WOULD WE TALK SO MUCH ABOUT INSANITY IF WE WERE CRAZY?!

WE'RE JUST CONCERNED ABOUT LOOKING NORMAL!

But yes, ice cream is nice.

Delicious even!

[Ray's just going to decide that he's TERRIFIED OF THESE INSANE FREAKS forever.]

Um.

Right.

So. Hi. I'm Ray.

[Totally distracted him from their weirdness with ice cream. Now he'll definitely think they're normal. Mission accomplished.]

Pleased to meet ya, Ray!

So, you're new to the network?

[NO. WRONG. WROOOOONG.]

Yeeeeep, this would be my first time. Doin' network stuff. I guess.

[STOP CRUSHING THEIR DREAMS OF PEOPLE NOT JUDGING THEM.]

It's pretty weird stuff!

What with the aliens, past lives, and whatnot.

So it takes some getting used to.

I heard somethin' about aliens from some asshole, but past lives? I think I missed that somewhere.

[don't worry ray judges everyone equally]

Well, that's what we think anyway.

But we don't actually know. It's just memories and objects that show up outta nowhere.

No, that's gotta be bullshit. Otherwise my past life would be just as pathetic as this one.

Well I dunno, I guess I'm still brand new to this whole thing.

Well, it kinda looks like it varies from person to person how often we learn thing-

[Wait a tick.]

You don't seem pathetic to us!

You seem really nice so far!

Nice, huh.

Well okay maybe my entire life isn't pathetic, but my last job was pretty pathetic and that's where I got my first... memory. Thing. Which was pathetic.

Well, if things are bad... they can only get better! Right?

Optimism isn't my strong point, pal.

01: phone textage

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