Brooke Reynolds (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
somesayinfire) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
savetheearth2013-07-11 04:44 pm
somesayinfire) wrote in savetheearth2013-07-11 04:44 pm
one sick, disgusting thought | text
Just in case these numbers actually do something, my name is Brooke Reynolds. I work in one of the funeral homes around here. In Locke City, I mean. I'm the cremator, specifically. I saw something weird when I was taking out the trash earlier. It was a cat, a regular-sized stray cat, but... this is going to sound crazy. It had two thumbs. Human thumbs, on its pads where its regular thumbs should be. (Do cats even have regular thumbs?)
I haven't told my boss about it yet because I actually want to have something to tell him. I don't know if I've been working too many late nights or if the new crematoria we just got are putting out, like, radioactive emissions or what. These numbers seem weird enough. Maybe weird things call to each other, or something like that, and whoever's reading this will know what I'm talking about. Here goes, on the off chance that I'm not typing into the abyss.
I haven't told my boss about it yet because I actually want to have something to tell him. I don't know if I've been working too many late nights or if the new crematoria we just got are putting out, like, radioactive emissions or what. These numbers seem weird enough. Maybe weird things call to each other, or something like that, and whoever's reading this will know what I'm talking about. Here goes, on the off chance that I'm not typing into the abyss.
text;
Was the cat carrying a miniscule gun of some kind that it could now successfully manipulate by using its freakish thumbs?
Or were there any telltale signs of it being in a small domesticated-animal-based firefight in any way. Scorched paws or tiny gunshot wounds or something????????
[ These are legitimate concerns ok. KARSON IF YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING WITH THE FABRIC OF REALITY OCTAVIA IS GOING TO BE SO PEEVED ]
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No, it was just your everyday normal cat with human thumbs. Are you feeling okay?
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Those are some weird-ass priorities you have there, lady. When you are basically living a low-budget horror movie, taking care of yourself should absolutely be your first concern!
Though I guess the concerned and self-sacrificing characters sometimes survive? When they don't take the self-sacrificing bit literally?
Whatever! Basically I am telling you that I am fine, and that you should stay away from all the basic horror movie death flag tropes from now on. 8)
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That thing you said about cats with guns was way too specific to be random. Have you dealt with that kind of thing before?
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Like ALL THE TIME.
Seriously somebody needs to add a warning about him to the FAQ or something.
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Whooooooooa.
Karson might be a ridiculous overopinionated moronic douchebag, but he is pretty ok!
Unlike VENOM MCSHITTYFRILLS. Who is basically the worst irredeemable bitch whore I ever heard of, wow.
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meaning you ain't getting her REAL name out of her because she knows that the minute anybody gets it they will FIDN HER HOUSE AND BEAT HER UP AND MAKEHER PAY!!!!!!!1
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How many times did she piss in your Cheerios, anyway?
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Wait no ]
NO times! Just what are you insinuating????????
Are you implying that I am some kind of unbelievable wuss who would just let some stupid fat frilly loser piss in her breakfast cereal of choice and not do shit about it?
Because I'm not! She has TRIED to be a jerk to me but has totally failed so far. I am cooler than a cucumber. All the cucumbers to ever have existed. And all of them have been kept in freezers! That is how cool and unflappable I am.
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(I say this genially and in a friendly and borderline playful manner. Because cool! And unflappable. See?)
But anyway, I ain't known her all that long. Just since she's been here? But yeah wow has she ever been The Uberdouche since then. I am pretty sure that she was abandoned by her parents as a baby and was raised by rats and bugs and poop!
It would account for the unfortunate personality deficiencies. And delusions of being unrepellant and not-fat and un-dumb. Also the fashion sense.
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If she's got bad fashion sense, though, that's all on her. ;)
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I guess I can demonstrate her debilitatingly terrible fashion sense for you. I mean it wouldn't be TOO much trouble. http://tinyurl.com/lolitafromhell
(I forgot to add the cankles but everything else is absolutely the most legit.)
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What's "kawaii"?
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THIS is kawaii. The most kawaiiest there ever was. (TW: Uguus.)
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