savetheearth | ᴛᴡᴏ. [ action; at a bar, evening ]

[ It's been a long, long past twenty-four hours for Casval.

Most of it was spent curled up in the corner of his totaled office, and then his bedroom, lonelier than ever, when staying was no longer feasible. Sheets drawn over his head though sleep wouldn't come in a vain effort to block out the noise of hearing himself scream over and over again of how he'd wipe the world clean, how it was fit for eradication, extinction, Amuro Ray, don't you see? He doesn't know an Amuro Ray and never wants to, never wants to know a Char Aznable, either but he's stuck with him since he's settled deep into his brain with no hopes of unseating his awful presence and that's what gets him the most, because if there was one thing Casval didn't need, it was another voice to join all the rest already prickling at his jumbled thoughts.

Eventually he runs out of alcohol to numb the encroaching madness and stumbles his way over to the nearest bar, disheveled and disoriented. He drinks and drinks and drinks until they say he's had enough but it isn't. It isn't and will never be.

He doesn't remember when he collapses against the counter but he does remember a distinct lack of dignity when it happens, drifting as the hours drag on. There was nothing dignified about this situation and there's no dignified lift to Casval's step when he's ushered out of the bar, sick and stumbling.

He won't remember any of this by tomorrow, and really, that's sort of the point. Because if he did remember, he has a feeling that'd be the last straw to snap him completely. ]

(( So yeah after spending all day attempting to tune out the world Casval has come out of his angsty cocoon and is drinking his sorrows away. You're free to run into him at any point during this endeavor, at the bar, him going or him leaving -- multiple options here. Get drunk with him, make fun of him, start a fight, whatever. Fair warning that he's very much out of it and likely to snap without provocation/do irresponsible things because he's sick of this life he just wants to scream how could this happen to me him. ))

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Trouble already found me.

[ And he hadn't even gone looking for it. Invited it unwittingly in his borderline boastful message, perhaps, his posturing that he'd find an answer, dammit, whatever it took, but he'd never expected to go crashing into an obstacle of this nature. He'd never expected so many things, and look what came of that. Maybe it was God's way of laughing at him. Mocking his failures.

Karma catching up to him at last.

Casval shifts his legs, sitting up some without toppling immediately back over. He's still winded, still dazed, but the desperate moment of don't throw up don't throw up don't throw up please don't throw up had passed. Inevitably to turn up later, no doubt, but now resting dormant. ]

I saw it. The end. I was flying above the world—trying to destroy it. [ Heavily: ] Was it really me? Me, who wished for an end to everything... who hated humanity so much?

I don't know.

[ But what's really behind that I don't know is I'm scared. ]

Oh.

[He listens solemnly with his head tilted to one side, trying to make some sense of what the other man is saying. It must have been some truly terrible memory, something he hoped he'd never have to deal with, to affect him like this. Fay's had plenty of nightmares of those sluggish-looking shadow creatures that could strike like cobras and change their shape, about those damn mutant worms and about that lingering feeling that there were worse things than those still. But so far no memory has touched specifically on any state of mind, and he can only imagine what that's like.]

Well, we don't know much about these memories yet, right? No need to assume the worst. The world ain't ending just yet.

[ Fay is reassuring and yet Casval is not reassured. He asked a question he already knows the answer to. Char Aznable, who shared his face, who shouted with all of his rage-filled heart at the world, at humanity. Loathing beyond anything he'd ever seen or ever felt. Madness beyond anything he ever could have possibly imagined.

Casval shakes his head to clear it of the unsightly, unseemly imagery, and regaining himself a little, he stares long and hard at Fay, sounding less shaken when he speaks next. ]

Do you always talk to strangers on bathroom floors like this?

[ It might've been funny to consider if not for... well, everything else going on. But he's genuinely curious why Fay would pull aside a man he hadn't even met to let him know that everything would be okay. ]

[Despite that he can sense that all isn't well, that there is so much unspoken behind that moment of silence, he nonetheless smiles a bit at Casval's words. Easing from his crouch into sitting on the floor as his legs start to protest, he ponders the question, still with his head slightly tilted.]

Can't say that it's an everyday thing, no. But you looked like you could need some help.

[A disjointed little shrug, as he leans a bit against the wall of the stall.]

Everyone needs help sometimes.

[ You looked like you could need some help.

God, did he ever.

Casval tries to blink past the blurriness in his vision, but it lingers. ]

You saw something too, didn't you? You're like me. [ Like us. ] What did you see?

When the kid was killed? [He shudders.] Nothing, it was bad enough on its own.

[He hesitates, then adds:]

But when that other man was captured? Jack, I think his name is... Then I saw something. Or... remembered. [His fingers curl, his mouth tasting of metal and bitter bile.]

I remembered being trapped. It was like a round cage, except the bars were moving, like... like solid shadows, or tar, or... And someone was trying to pull me out of there, but I was stuck, I couldn't leave because the bars of that cage were coming out of me somehow. I told them to leave me.

And then... [He can't describe the sound of a blade cutting through skin, muscle, bone. The warmth of blood on his face. Most of all he can't describe that feeling of gut-wrenching terror.]

Then they cut their arm off - right off by the shoulder - and left it in the cage instead of me. I can't explain it. I just know that they used it as a sort of price to save me.

[ Trapped. Caged. A prison that was sentient, alive, seeking violence and thirsting for blood. The imagery alone is horrifying and Casval shudders along with him because how could he not? He barely knows this person at all, but he does know that they're in this together, for better or worse, and that they only had each other to rely on. The world ain't doomed yet, sugar.

It only felt that way. ]

But you're alive.

[ As was he. Somehow. He's not quite lucky enough for this to have all been some dream or hallucination, much to his dismay. ]

Someone gave their life for you. So you could carry on. That means something, doesn't it?

[ Exactly what it means, he can't say for sure. Yet sacrifices like that... they didn't happen everyday. There is symbolism to this just as there was symbolism to the machines dueling for supremacy in space. To everything that has happened thus far. A broader connection. A bigger puzzle to solve. ]

[He nods, his hands trembling still.]

I know. It's just- You know what bothers me the most? That person, they must have died after doing that, there was so much blood... and I can't even remember his face.

[He reasons it's a he from the large, strong hand on his arm, the memory of a masculine voice grunting 'damn' when he realized that Fay was stuck.

He manages a pale smile nonetheless.]

But yes, I- I sort of realized when I remembered that... I have to keep on living. So I can remember. And so that I can do something instead of just being helpless. [His smile grows a bit warmer, a bit more real.]

And I think you should try to do the same. If everything feels hopeless now, maybe it's because we don't have the whole picture yet, right?

ᴛᴡᴏ. [ action; at a bar, evening ]

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