[video] this is it, his last network post probably

[grannyfucker]

[Jovan's eyes takes up the entire screen at first. It takes a few moments, but eventually he leans back so that the rest of his head is visible. Behind him, a massively huge pile of little plastic bags filled with what looks like weed.]

Guys. Guys. Oh my god.

I figured it out. I figured it aaaaaalllllll out.

I'm the queen of England.

Comments

[alilyinthemoonslight]

[Lily stares a moment.

She just stares.

She takes a breath and sighs, then, relenting.]

Okay.

I'll bite.

Explain?

[grannyfucker]

Look, look.

Listen to me, yeah? I've got a British accent. [Well, okay, it's Irish, but to Jovan's still-American senses, that's basically the same.]

And I remember London, I remember living in London, even though I've never been before.

Do you know who else has a British accent and lives in London? [He holds his arms up as though to command applause.] That's right, the queen! See? I've even got the queenly curly hair and all.

[alilyinthemoonslight]

[Let's out a long, low breath.]

You.

I think you're.

[Tilts her head way too far to the side.]

I think you're reaching a little, there...

[grannyfucker]

Oh, like there's a more likely explanation!

If you think it's so obviously untrue, why don't you tell me who I am, then?

[alilyinthemoonslight]

How should I know? But do you know how many people there are in England?

You'll need a little more than that, or else your grip on reality there seems more than a little tenuous.

[highly_gifted]

No.

[grannyfucker]

What do you mean, no? You can't just say no to the queen of England! I've got the divine right to be right!

[highly_gifted]

Not even the pope has that most of the time.

And I'm saying no to you being the Queen.

[grannyfucker]

Well, I'm the queen and you're just some peasant, so your "no" doesn't even matter, now, does it?

[scarlet_devil]

No you're not, you're just high as a kite.

[grannyfucker]

Hey! Hey. [He points his finger firmly.]

Those things aren't exclusive to each other.

[scarlet_devil]

There is nothing at all royal about you. The very idea is ridiculous!

[grannyfucker]

Look, just because I was convicted for a bunch of crimes in a past life doesn't mean I can't be queen!

Just look at her. [He attaches a picture of Queen Elizabeth.] She looks like the type to have been arrested plenty in her twenties!

[charcoalfeather]

........... Don't you mean "king"?

[grannyfucker]

If I meant king, don't you think I'd have said king? I meant queen!

Besides, being King of England's bad luck. Don't you know what happens to them all?

[charcoalfeather]

.............




No?

[Does she lose now?]

[grannyfucker]

They all die!

[wingsister]

[Dry horse is dry.] :I didn't think you were a filly.:

[grannyfucker]

Why the hell would I want to be queen of Philly? All they've got there is cheese steaks and Liberty Bell. I can't even go there, Philadelphia's out of the echo zones!

[wingsister]

:What do cheese steaks and liberty bells have to do with being a filly?:

[grannyfucker]

What? Well--that's what it's known for! Obviously.

text;

[stefanged]

Please tell me you haven't told that to anyone else yet.

[If he's fighting those damn cultists anytime soon, Jovan...!]

video;

[grannyfucker]

What? I don't know. I don't think so. Why?

video;

[stefanged]

Good. Let's keep it that way, your Majesty.

Congratulations on your "discovery." [He's not even trying to be sarcastic; at this point, he's just exhausted.]

video;

[grannyfucker]

Look, you sound like you might be getting me confused with some other fellow.

Are you sure you haven't been hitting the skunk too hard or anything, pal? [He gestures to the massive pile of marijuana behind him as he says 'skunk'.]