savetheearth | [Video]

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Saaaay, I know I've been pretty quiet lately but with all the garbage between the doppelgangers and everything I kinda needed a break, you know? Anyway, has anyone seen a sword wandering around?

Y'know, big, metal, sharp, has skulls on the handle?

[He holds up a rough sketch of this for the camera.]

Darn thing just up and left, who would've thought? And I already checked the refrigerator so don't even ask. Apparently that's where we're keeping swords these days.

[He puts on a slightly disapproving frown, but at this point it's fruitless to argue it.]

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In the fridge, where I'm half tempted to shove you.

[He lets out an exasperated noise as he charges past L, suddenly so impatient with the doppel. Seriously don't try to run you know you can't outrun him.]

You put your sausage in the fridge...

[He's like a preschooler, finding that absolutely hilarious. And then he's being rushed past, and he takes the opportunity to try to make a break for it in the opposite direction.]

Well where would you keep it..?

[Oh son of a--

Tony shimmers in place, disappearing in a red-black blur and when he reappears he's hitting the ground directly in front of the doppelganger. How did he get there so fast you ask? It's called a teleport and he's neglected to mention to anyone he can do that. Which comes in really handy when dealing with fleeing assholes.]

[Though Lazarus' answer to that question would doubtless be extremely blatantly sexual, he's for once leaping at the chance to not say something disgusting and sprinting for the door. When Tony materializes in front of him, dropping to the ground and blocking his path, he attempts to alter his pathway by taking a sharp left, attempting to run around him.]

[Good luck, Lazarus might be fast, but Tony has inhuman speed on his side, and as Lazarus moves Tony darts after him, a blur of motion almost too fast for the human eye to properly track. He will tackle you if he has to, doppelganger.]

[Sadly, he's not fast, though. He's tackled to the ground with a sound like a sob, struggling against Tony.]

Let me go! It's killing him and me and you have to see that. I'll leave. I'll not come back, I'll stay at the castle. Just let me go.

[With his weight and build, Tony doesn't have to apply a whole lot of pressure to hold the doppel down. Maybe not fast, but L is stronger than he looks. Even so, Tony's unreasonable these days, he'd hate to accidentally break him.]

If I could believe you'd actually do that I would, but something tells me this isn't gonna be enough for you to stop fucking up his life. Literally.

You're a demon, aren't you? At least something a lot like it? You have to know better than anyone about behaving according to your nature. I can't help the way I am any more than you can, any more than he can. Let me go!

[He struggles again, seeming like he feels strongly that being accidentally broken is actually preferable to having to remain Tony's captor.]

I know better than anyone about restraint, [He positively growls, digging the copy into the floor just a little bit, as if to emphasize the point.] That's the difference between you and me, and you and him. You feed it, let it rule you and think you're perfectly justified in acting like an animal.

If I did that, you'd have been dead as soon as you bolted.

[In case you failed to notice, copy, demons are predators. And prey runs.]

[The doppelganger's breath quickens, every bit the rabbit in a trap under Tony's digging grip.]

Maybe I'd rather be. You know what it does to you existentially, to be a copy like this? Nothing fills that hollowness.

So you 'fill it' by being the biggest douchebag imaginable, then gloat about it? Sounds to me like you're full of shit and just trying to get me to pity you. Sorry, I'm not buying it. Now, you gonna behave yourself or am I just gonna have to lock you in a closet so L can get some sleep?

[This thing is nothing more than a manipulative piece of shit, he knows that much, and isn't willing to consider him as even being human at this point.]

Not a closet. We don't have to take the parallels that far. Just stop hurting me!

What do they call that, poetic justice? It was your fault he ended up in there in the first place, wasn't it? [He snarls again, but instead of pressing further moves to stand, dragging the copy with him.] He sold you out, just like you sold out L.

I don't know! I don't care!

[He makes his scrawny frame dead weight, or at least does his very best to.]

Maybe we can work out some kind of deal. How does that sound?

That's the problem.

[Tony hisses, continuing to heft him up despite his best efforts. He can toss a man of much more impressive proportions around with ease, dead-weight Lazarus is nothing to him.]

No.

[The most dry, deadpan tone.]

[Even for non-demons, Lazarus and those cursed with exact duplicates of his wiry body are basically ragdolls. He groans as Tony hoists him up with very little effort.]

You think I can't and won't make life harder for everyone here if you don't let me go?

Oh I'm sure of it, but I made a promise to L and I'm not about to break it.

[He's just going to heft the rag-doll that is not!L over his shoulder, and proceed to haul him back in the direction of the kitchen.]

You should really play nice, I'm tryin' to help you out here.

What would it take for you to let go? Me threatening to hurt you? Me threatening to hurt him? I wouldn't hesitate.

And that's exactly why I'm not letting you go. You'll go and keep on hurtin' people no matter where you are.

But not him, not unless you force me to by keeping me here. Are you throwing a lit match at your friend or a stranger? It's up to you, Fido.

[He was about to argue further, maybe tell him to shut up again, continue with the endless obnoxious loop of "let me go" "no" that they had going on, but then the doppelganger said that name.

And something snapped.

He'd been on edge for a while, an itch just under his skin, a slow crawling and crackling irritation just on the verge of anger but that name triggered something furious and savage. That, doppelganger, had been a very bad move.

Without warning Tony flung the rag-doll like man to the ground, pouncing upon him and roaring a thunderous, inhuman sound. All claws and sharp fangs, eyes turned black and blazing red as Tony descended upon the doppelganger screeching inhuman fury in his face. If something doesn't happen now, he'll tear him apart without a second thought.]

[Something did snap, which the doppel had counted on. If they weren't going to let him go, he was willing to do just about anything for liberation, even if it meant the ultimate end. Even as he's slammed painfully down, his stare remains resilient and defiant. Do it. Fucking do it. I dare you.]

"Hey! Hey! Tony!"

[Clammy, reptilian hands are grabbing Tony by the arms and struggling to pull him off of L's doppelganger.]

"Uh... boss-man's in the shower, he said to make sure this wasn't happening! Get- g-g-get off him!"

[Clever, using the one thing he knew would send Tony over the edge the fastest, that stupid name. Good way to get himself killed that's for sure. Fortunately Luca has marvelous timing, because Tony was winding back to crush his head in by the time he arrived.]

[He slams the fist down dangerously close to the doppelganger's head, cracking the floor beside him before he let himself be pulled away.

Luca's right, he doesn't want to become a murderer, even if this bastard would deserve it.]

"This piece of shit." [He spits, snarling down at the copy. He was still all fangy and demon looking, but at least he's not roaring in L's face right now.]

"Yeah.... uh, yeah I know man. I'm sorry but, uh... don't take it personally, you're just doing what he wants. You gotta cool down, Tony."

[The doppelganger flinches at the cracking floor and Tony's fist that's nearby, but doesn't put him out of the strange misery of his existence. His expression dulls to vague disappointment.]

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