savetheearth | [Typed]

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*The feed starts with a picture of a beautiful red sports car, as seen from somewhere off to the side. It's not doing so hot right now: some mangled twist of metal has speared the passenger's seat through a brand new hole in the back windshield. There's light boot-shaped dents on the hood, ceiling, and trunk, and mud and bits of unidentifiable crud litter the tire wells.*

Does someone want to explain to me what happened to my car?!

Call me. NOW.

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Lazarus can be weird, intense, off-putting and frustrating... but his core has a gentle, patient, and tirelessly earnest streak that's allowed him to reach bristly people like Tony and take the skittish Nathan under his wing. Even if he's himself fragile in more than a few ways, if he's come to mean something to anyone in his time on Earth, it's due in no small part to this sincere desire to do good, and in hindsight, it probably does seem to Cesar like a colossal thing to just miss, or write off as gone forever as a result of an imbalance being corrected.

All of that being said, his doppelganger had been unafraid to exploit and manipulate in ways that Lazarus considers himself above, that would appall him to even consider, especially if it meant using them to attain an ends with someone he cared for. He'd played a long and convincing game, and L can't in good conscience blame the man for falling for it.

He's probably a better lay than you ever could be, without all those inhibitions holding him back.

"That's kind but... this is all so volatile right now. I have to plan my moves and there's still so little I know. Ultimately I just don't want anyone else to be hurt over this."

He shakes his head distractedly when Cesar asks for clarification on the holy water.

"Just... suffice it to say that it hurt him, and I am far from happy about it."

There's a tightening around his eyes--holy-water-Tony-snarling-at-L-unnatural-ferocity-echoes-not-quite-human-?--but he nods, letting it go.

{I want to help with damage control. Killing is extreme, but we can't let this keep on this way.}

Not right now. The only thing keeping him together is sheer force of will, and they certainly can't plan solutions to the wrongs of the world while they're still reeling from these discoveries. He should probably leave soon. Well, he should unless L needs him. L probably wants to be alone too right now, right?

Cesar can't handle this. Until they've recovered more, they're just going to have to help themselves.

"Damage control..."

[The words are lackluster. He curls more tightly into himself, setting his chin against his knee and swallowing.]

That's really the best we can hope for at this point, I guess.

[You don't have a right to ask for more. Be grateful.

He senses that Cesar wants to leave, and won't fight that decision. How can he, when it might actually be the correct one?]

{Yes.}

L curls further into himself, and Cesar briefly squeezes his eyes shut on the sight. L looks profoundly miserable, and Cesar's the one who kept letting this kind of thing drag him in for the entire last couple of weeks. He wants to put his arms around him, perhaps reassure him in some way, but strong conditioning has taught him by now that to approach will mean reaching into an octopus tank, and that he'll be latched onto and held close until evening.

He slowly pushes himself up until he's standing, never once really taking his eyes off of him.

{I should--} Hesitation. Is he even going to try to pretend away their misery?

{--I should probably go.}

He can't seem to look away from him. It's like watching someone being tortured emotionally, and the anguish of this plus the price of resisting its pull is creeping across his own expression.

[It would be counterproductive and probably just prolong the pain and awkwardness to pretend that this isn't miserable... but L wonders if he maybe wouldn't have at least appreciated the effort on Cesar's part. Just trying would mean something, wouldn't it?

Not logically. Therefore it's not as valid, and you're weak if you let it control you. Everyone knows you're weak, but you're at least strong enough to pretend you aren't for the next minute, right?]

Yeah. There's a lot to do. It's best if I get started quickly, so...

[Stay]

Go.

It's not even just permission to go, it's encouragement. L isn't sitting against the door; Cesar could smile, give him a little wave, and then walk out and wander around the city for the day, if he wanted.

He doesn't quite yet. He closes the step or two's distance between them and offers L a hand, to help him to his feet, too. If L accepts, his grip will be tighter than it usually is, and will loosen nearly immediately.

[L's far from the door, and if he has to move, he would prefer it to be even further. That being said, he doesn't want to; he'd rather just remain in place, curled into his small fortress of bony angles. Now that the decision's been made and approved, he'd rather Cesar left him to lick his wounds and reflect on what his life has turned into, and how he's going to manage unraveling all of the knots and snags the doppelgangers have created.

He watches warily as Cesar approaches him, eyes lowering to the extended hand. It's more work for someone who's already at the point of exhaustion, and though he accepts the hand and notices a firmer grip, standing is still a lot of effort and he presses his back against the wall for support once he's on his feet. The effect is much like picking up a board lying on the ground and leaning it against another object, technically "righting" its position, but not changing the fact that it had no agency in the change. Like a board, he makes no move after being propped up, slipping his hands into his pockets and staring at the bottom edges of the room's duvet.

L's new position is slightly less approachable than the one before it, and Cesar opens and closes his hand once L is no longer holding onto it, looking at L's shoulder. He could grasp it. He could...

... do nothing of the sort at all. His gaze drops to the floor, and his hand moves back to his side. He nods a little, tugs his mouth into a weak, unhappy smile, and then turns to the door. L latched every lock it had in a frenzy, and it felt as though there were enough to keep out an entire army, but now it's just a door. Two locks, and the sliding door-catch. Cesar undoes them and opens the door.

[L hears every single locks sliding and clicking aside, and feels them as though they're catching his own muscle and skin on the way. Cesar can't see him now, but he's hugging himself tightly, as if to try to keep from falling apart right there. His teeth are clenched, his jaw aches, his throat feels raw and scratchy. He doesn't stop Cesar, and at this point, maybe he doesn't want to.

When he's sure he's alone again, he tries to take his mind off the strangeness of what happened. The television goes on, volume up high, then off when it fails to drown out his scattered thoughts. Distracted, he pulls out his phone... and sees a text notification.

If it's possible for a heart to sink and rise at the same time, his does so. He feels mildly sick, but he can't ignore the text for long. He'd go crazy if he tried.]

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