savetheearth | I've Told a Million Lies but Now I Tell a Single Truth [January 27, Closed]

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I've Told a Million Lies but Now I Tell a Single Truth [January 27, Closed]

Who: Lazarus Lawliet, Nathan Brooks, and Tony Sparado
What: L wants two white-haired young people who are important to him to be friends with each other.
Where: Willow Ridge Boarding Academy
When: January 27, Tuesday
Warnings: Here's hoping they get along!

Numbered abilities range dramatically in variety and intensity. Lazarus has cultivated many useful talents, skills and memories over the last year, but there are things he doubts he's going to obtain; as the picture of his powerful and brilliant Other grows clearer, so does the fact that he was mortal, and died shockingly young besides. While he has no plans to die young, himself, Lazarus has grown fiercely devoted to the life that has sprung up around him and flourished since he started receiving his pulses. This is largely due to the young people who have started to rely on him, more than he ever thought anyone could rely on him.

No one can take your place here.

The words had stroked his ego, but they'd done nothing for his peace of mind. While others are getting back rapid healing, incredible strength and endurance, even honest-to-goodness resurrection, Lazarus remains somewhat brittle, years of hard living catching up to him, reminding him that he's only human and skating on thinner ice than most other 26-year-old men. He doesn't want to make it a bigger deal than it absolutely has to be, or adopt an overly morbid attitude, but he's set aside a lot of childish things since he's stepped into a role entailing more responsibility and leadership, and that means taking a long, hard look at where he sees himself in 5, 10, 50 years.

Whatever happens, in that time, he doesn't want to leave the young people who rely on him utterly alone in a world that doesn't yet understand them. He's perhaps too eager and anxious to hand-fast those close to him and create a support network strong enough to someday exist without him, and while rushing it could damage those efforts, his recent pneumonia scare is on his mind a lot. Things can change in an instant, and his detective would be prepared for that kind of change.

He's ordered pizza, set out two-liters of soda and prepared a sort of relaxed neutral ground for their meeting. He wants it to go well, so badly that he's afraid he might jinx it.

Deep breaths. Balance. The best of intentions. Faith that it will go as splendidly as it possibly can, and that these two young men can not only cooperate, but see a kindred spirit in one another and bond.

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Pushing it could definitely be a problem, and was proving to be so for Anthony who was ill equipped for dealing with considerations for more loss and more death. He wasn't ready to lose this tiny family he'd grown to love, wasn't ready to face the realities that someday he would lose them. Or be lost to them himself. The pneumonia scare still weighed heavily on him as well, but in a different kind of way. All of this was so fragile, so delicate and it could all be wiped away in one fell swoop.

And here he saw the beginnings of it. L had a new project, a new person to save. Even more this person was from his own other's past, so of course their bond was closer and faster than that with Tony. More meaningful, perhaps. With the way L hero worshiped his Other it's really no surprise. But that doesn't make the sting any less.

Being tossed aside again, Tony's not sure he's ready for it. But he'll play nice for L, and the Numbered, whether he likes it or not, and he'll accept being tossed aside with as much dignity as he can muster.

Deep down, he knew this couldn't last. Nothing ever does for him.

All he can hope is that this Nathan is ready for the responsibility. L had become someone Tony could look after just as much as L looked after him. For once not a burden on someone, for once an equal.

Doing his best to keep his own reservations and fears to himself, Tony had put on a chipper, easy-going demeanor for the visit. Resisting the urge to go find a closet somewhere and hide. And as well as he was maintaining that brave face his appetite had suffered for it. Couldn't even touch the pizza, which is strange because damn if that isn't his favorite.

Nathan was a person who needed to be pushed in order to do a lot of things. Otherwise he would constantly play it safe, stick himself into ruts. That being said, there was such a thing as getting pushed too far and he was trying to keep that from happening here. Just come and see the school. Meet this Tony. It didn't mean he had to make any final decisions on everything Lazarus had offered him, which he still considered to be too much.

He tried to stand up a little straighter, but the fact remained that he still had that small slump in the set of his shoulders, a clear indication to anyone observant that he lacked confidence. He wasn't good at socializing. He knew it. But he could get through a visit, surely.

And so he took a breath, screwing up a last bit of courage before blanking his expression and peeking his head in the door. No, no. Get into the room, Nathan. He stepped in cautiously, in all his scrawny, five foot tall glory, simple clothes that were a size too big hanging off his frame. His hair was of course snowy white like Tony's, which the other boy may have been told to expect, but what he might not have expected were those dark, glassy eyes that so much resembled those of Lazarus.

"Hello." Hopefully not too quietly with his speaking. At least his voice hadn't shaken, although to be fair, it wouldn't have much of a chance to on only two syllables.

By the time Tony arrives, L is sitting with his knees clenched together, staring at his tightly clasped hands. He greets the young man with a wan smile, trying not to let the strain he's feeling show; the more he tries to make this feel casual and easy, the more it slips away from him, tightening and twisting into a deeper anxiety. Had he known that Tony was anxious for other reasons, he would have been stunned and shaken and done his best to reassure the teen, but part of relearning fear meant relearning how to see and assuage it in others.

"You're not hungry?" he asks, brow furrowing when he doesn't see Tony immediately take four slices of pizza. "I got it because I thought you liked..."

He glances up, immediately, distractingly riveted by Nathan's appearance. The ghostly, diminutive young man looks like L's pale shadow, and even in this reality, far removed from the initially linked Others, they look like they belong in the same room.

"Welcome," he says, actually standing to greet him. "I'm glad you found the building without too much trouble, there's..." he catches himself before rambling on about the obvious, available refreshments. He clears his throat.

"This is Tony. Tony, this is Nathan, I..."

And that's an introduction, right? Is he finished?

"Both of you should maybe... sit down. Is there anything I can get you?"

"I'm alright, ate before I got here," That is a flat out lie Tony and you know it. Well, most of it, he isn't hungry because his stomach is too busy reconfiguring itself into a piece of lead. It has reached its half-life, you see.

No, this is a terrible idea where is the closet. Tony would like to go hide under a shelf thank you now is a good time for that, yes. But no, he stays, because L asked him to stay and no matter how nervous and distressed he is he will almost always try to make L happy.

Although it helps that for once in his life he's actually taller than someone, that reassurance only goes so far. While he's less ragged and frail looking than he had been when he first met L, the similarities aren't lost on him. But those eyes... if anyone is to be Lazarus' albino brother, it would be Nathan. Yes, he is the one that belongs, Tony had just been borrowing.

"Hi," Tony murmured, trying his best to sound friendly but really it just came out kind of awkward. Like everything else. He doesn't move to sit, doesn't move at all actually. More he looks a bit like a deer caught in headlights. You know blinking is a thing that people do, Tony, with their face. Remember blinking? No?

At least an owl stare might be slightly less intimidating out of one eye than two?

Nathan isn't quite sure he's experienced a more terribly awkward moment in his life. He's gotten stares before, heard whispers regarding his unusual appearance, but none of that had been like this. Nobody had ever looked so utterly and completely stunned to see him before.

He's unfortunately doing a bit of staring of his own, simply because it isn't every day one encounters somebody wearing an eye patch. His mind always goes straight to unusual details. Sometimes they're details that many people would miss, but other times, like this one, they're details that anyone with functioning eyes could see.

... Nathan, that's a terrible way to phrase that.

It finally occurs to him that he's being rude, and he shifts his gaze to properly look Tony in the eye. His own expression hasn't changed; he's a bit of a pro at hiding nerves under an emotionless mask. "A pleasure to meet you, Tony."

Maybe not a pleasure, exactly. It's really somewhat uncomfortable, but that is the polite thing to say, isn't it? His discomfort does not come through in his voice. Instead, it's almost flat. And it remains so when he finally pulls his eyes off Tony and addresses Lazarus.

"The directions were very clear. I am good at remembering." He resists the urge to twine his fingers into his hair. No, he is not going to succumb to that nervous habit yet. "I am fine, thank you. But I suppose we should?"

That last question is more addressed to Tony. Should Nathan be the first to sit? Should Tony? Does it matter? Nathan is a very bright young man, but he's grown up with no friends and has no idea if there is any kind of proper guest etiquette on this matter. He just doesn't want to do anything wrong.

L tilts his head suspiciously; something doesn't seem right about the way Tony insists he ate before arriving. In fact, when he knows that Tony will be by around a mealtime, he's usually careful to ensure there will be food present, even if he would not have eaten had he been left to his own devices. He swallows, clearing his throat, hoping against hope that Tony is taking Near as he is and not comparing them. No good can come of that... but Tony is surely too mature for that kind of petty, childish behavior, isn't he? He'll see this kid who looks like L and every instinct he has for the older man will be immediately imprinted on the younger one who shares the precise color of his eyes?

Who's to say that's not how it works? He reaches for a piece of pizza, which he almost immediately starts tearing into small pieces with his fingertips, rather than eating. Then he catches himself; too obviously nervous. It will only transfer to his guests. He makes a conscious effort to simply hold it, like a normal person, someone with every intention of eating it as it cools in his slightly shaking hand while he tries to figure out if Nathan is staring at Tony's eyepatch, or just throw the other boy's head entirely.

"I do endeavor to give clear directions..." he contributes uselessly, hating how redundant the words sound once they've been given voice. "What do you think of the school, now that you're here? It's nowhere near finished, of course, but it's come a long way. I've been working on it nearly nonstop for a couple of months now."

His tone changes with the subject, and now he sounds proud, accelerating toward animated.

Oh, no. His guests still aren't sitting. He resists the urge to pace, taking initiative, taking his original seat while glancing back and forth between Tony and Nathan warily.

Edited 2015-01-28 05:52 (UTC)

This is terrible. Like a slow-motion train wreck, made out of awkward. Tony realizes his eye patch is being stared at, and that only makes him more uncomfortable. His shoulders hunch slightly and he ducks his head, as if somehow being smaller will make him less inclined for being stared at.

Rude, Nathan.

"Hn," A noncommittal sound while Tony wrestles with his composure. He used to be better at this why is it so hard now? "Yeah, you too." Even though they haven't actually met and have spent the entire time staring awkwardly at each other. Yup. Polite. Since the discomfort doesn't come through in tone, Anthony isn't sure if maybe he's imagining everything and blowing it way out of proportion? He can't tell. Yes, sitting, sitting is good, maybe he will sit if he can't run.

Released from the stare and having to speak Tony follows L's lead, picking a spot that lets him watch them both with his back safely to a wall. Old habits die hard, and sometimes they return with a vengeance in uncomfortable situations. Precisely why he is so threatened by Nathan he can't quite pin, but it's there and it's only getting more nagging as the tension rises.

Yes that's right talk amongst yourselves Tony will just. Try very hard to not spontaneously combust or something. He doesn't have anything helpful to contribute anyway.

He's sorry! He's very sorry, in fact, and considers apologizing. But that would just draw attention back to the uncomfortable moment after it was finally done. Leaving it alone is probably better. Just move on, try to do better in the next exchange. Trial and error is an acceptable method here, perhaps. That works with people, doesn't it?

Nathan isn't as particular about picking a seat as Tony, just settling into the nearest chair himself. He still isn't sure what to say . . . oh, a question. Answering questions is easy. Talk to Lazarus for a few minutes and maybe his nerves will settle a bit and he can try speaking with Tony again.

"It's very nice." A brief, honest answer. Yes, it's nowhere near finished, but still better than where he currently lives. To say nothing of being in a safer neighbourhood. That factors in, too.

Lazarus' body is like a fortress as he sits there, helplessly guarding his utterly tortured slice of pizza. Whatever is going on is thick enough to be cut with a knife, and moving through it normally is therefore very difficult and more than a little uncomfortable.

I need you to like each other.

"Nice is what I was going for," Lazarus answers, a brisk and quick nod accenting the otherwise dull and static words.

There's no spark. I need to know you'll both be OK, just in case...

"I was thinking in a little while, I could show you the rooms; there are a lot of them, and not much I'm opposed to in terms of repurposing, if you have something specific or special in mind."

I'm leaving everything I own and everything I've built to the two of you, give me some kind of sign it will be OK...

He drops his pizza, the now-familiar dizzy spell and distraction pulling him away from the situation's mental tug-of-war.

"Pulse..." he explains, holding up a hand to assuage any potential concern. He closes his eyes, processing the new information, and when he opens them, he's staring straight at Nathan. "Back then, they called you 'Near'," he says softly.

Edited 2015-01-28 17:59 (UTC)

No, no, it's better just to pretend the whole thing didn't happen because then Tony might get defensive. And honestly, he's already fighting with a lot of emotions and doesn't need to add on to that with reminders of his horrific mutilation. Horrific mutilation that had actually healed fairly recently but that was a whole other bucket of problems that it's really best to just not get into right now.

Sure, trial and error, we'll try that out.

Meanwhile, Tony was content with pretending to be invisible while L did his questions thing with Nathan. Good, yes, take the focus off him he didn't like it. Maybe he would have a slice of pizza... maybe.

But as he finally reaches to help himself L drops his, causing Tony to freeze up in response. Suddenly hyper-alert, until L reassures them that it's just a pulse.

Oh. Yes, of course. They're from the same place, very close in fact, of course they'd pulse off of each other. He... really shouldn't be there. Tony is distinctly aware of being an intruder on a private conversation, and decides it's probably best that he leave. Before he start getting less intimidated and more irate. "Has anyone checked on Shou in a while I'll go do that."

Never mind that Shou is a grown vampire and can check on himself, thank you very much. Just, let him have this escape.

"I should not be dictating anything when I've made no decision."

There is nothing definite, nothing final about his coming to see the school today. This is not his home; he has no right to change anything even if he's been asked.

He's about to say something else when Lazarus suddenly drops his pizza; it's the first time Nathan has seen a Pulse happen to somebody else. Is that what he looks like when he gets one himself? A hint of concern shades through his previously expressionless eyes, but he doesn't move. Lazarus is okay, after all, isn't he? He'd be used to them by now.

He blinks at Tony when he speaks up. That's too convenient, the timing. They haven't been here long, the visit explicitly arranged for them to meet. This is fake. An escape attempt. He thinks he's intruding . . . no, thinks Nathan is intruding. Or both. Jealousy?

Nathan bows his head, casts his eyes down. Perhaps it had been a mistake to come here. It hadn't been his intention to get in the way of anything. He can't help who he is, who his Other was, and all it's doing is causing problems with someone already close to Lazarus. A person important to the man, that had been described as family.

And then his own body goes hollow, heartbeat pounds hard in his head. Involuntarily, he lets out a little gasp and painfully grips the arms of the chair. Strong one, just like approximately a month ago, and he's nowhere near as accustomed to them as the two others in the room.

Yes, his Other had gone by that name, but there's more knowledge than that. The memory of another boy (Mello?), resentful of him for the status he held with L. What an awful thing to have familiarity with, being the cause of that jealousy. The general awkwardness here had been bad enough.

He isn't sure if it's better for Tony to stay or to go. He'll just let the other boy and Lazarus decide that for him. One of them will know better, surely. He'll just remain silent, recover from the Pulse while they work this out.

Edited 2015-01-29 15:44 (UTC)

Lazarus has gotten good at making sure that his pulses don't disrupt him too much anymore upon their receipt. He's certainly gotten enough of them to at least know what's happening, and how to keep his attention in the present moment even as he acknowledges whatever went down in the past. That being said, it can still look startling, and given Tony's sensitivity to how he looks during moments of weakness or potential emergency, it's more than understandable that the young man would be sitting forward, ready to sling him over his back and take him to the emergency room again if need be.

That doesn't happen; Tony will be reassured that he's not losing Lazarus to any kind of seizure or heart attack, but that fear has seemingly been replaced by one that's arguably much worse. He suggests, a touch coldly, that he wants to go and check on Shou, though there's no need and it's jarringly disruptive to the setting Lazarus has attempted to create.

He intends to question it, demand that Tony explain what he finds himself blind to understand, but unfortunately it's happening at the same time as Nathan seems to be receiving a Pulse of his own. He shakes his head, feeling pulled in two directions and helpless to immediately pick one. Nathan is trying to downplay the event, and Tony is trying to exit the situation entirely. Maybe Tony's the one whose needs have to be addressed, first.

"Hey, Tony... I think Shou's fine," he says quietly. "Everything OK?"

Two pulses now, one for each. Part of Tony wants to reassure the kid that it gets easier with practice, but his throat is dry and his tongue won't cooperate. It's better just to not be there, witnessing things he has no right to be involved in. This isn't his anymore, he's been pushed out. Was he just a replacement for Nathan all along, anyway?

While most of what he felt was a distinct sense of not belonging, of being an intruder, another more bitter part of him is angry. Hurt at having been pushed out yet again, this was his place he'd worked for it, he'd earned this peace. So he thought, but as soon as those thoughts bubbled to the surface he was ashamed. How could Tony think that way over someone who suffered just as much, if not more?

Better just to go.

He stands, seemingly ignoring L's words. He tried, but there's only so much playing nice he can pull off in a situation like this before he starts to snap. Too many emotions to effectively wrangle, and while some are biting and petty and he knows it, others still feel justified. Hurt, even. It isn't anyone's fault, that's just how the cards land. That's how they'll always land.

"I should go." He insists further, turning to do just that. "You two catch up." Oh, did he sound a little bitter there he might have oops.

This time, he can't stop the urge to twist his fingers into his hair. He needs something to settle him, and the familiar gesture always helps to one degree or another. How much it will help him here . . . maybe not a lot. But it's an instinctive motion, not based on conscious thought.

"I'm sorry." His voice is soft, but it carries. And it's still flat. He's always hidden negative emotions by pretending he feels nothing at all. But his head is still bowed. "I am not used to them yet and it was slightly overwhelming."

That isn't really what he's apologizing for, but it's best he doesn't draw attention to the fact that he understands exactly what is going on. That could only make it worse. He really needs to try and communicate to Tony somehow that he isn't trying to take Lazarus away. This would be so much easier if he knew how to socialize.

"... It will get cold if you leave."

Yes, that's brilliant, Nathan. Good job.

L pinches the bridge of his nose, grinding his teeth, wishing for a can of Lysol and a shower to diffuse some of the stress and discomfort this whole encounter is creating. It's hardly appropriate to escape to one, because of everyone present, he is, somehow, the person it falls to to mend things. He stands, giving Nathan a lingering, apologetic look. "I'll be back," he mumbles, starting after Tony with longer strides so he can catch up. He grasps the younger man's shoulder, coaxing him to turn toward him, keeping his voice low; he thinks they're out of earshot of Nathan, but he could be wrong.

"Tony," he says, confusion and worry written across his pale face. "What's going on? Is something wrong?"

It doesn't occur to him that Tony is jealous of the white-haired boy from his past. He doesn't even think of the last two weeks, the time spent with Cesar, the distractions of having a connection with someone his own age sharing his interests and his company. He'd tried to keep it balanced, and he'd thought that he succeeded... but L is notoriously poor at doing anything in moderation.

"Tony, talk to me..."

He knows he's upsetting the other boy, and it's really the last thing he wants to do because it isn't Nathan Tony is upset with. Himself, mostly, and also a little at L but a realistic part of him realizes that he can't expect L to keep him around forever. No one does, why would that change now? He should have left a long time ago... but if he had then terrible things might have happened.

Ugh, it was too much to sort through and reason and rationality were not forthcoming. He just needed to go, he was feeling the panic rising, his heart beating like he'd run a marathon. That strange, hyper-aware while being disconnected feeling had him off balance, everything too bright too loud and too fast. Nope, nope, time to go good day.

He's not even paying attention anymore as he sweeps out of the room and down the hall, no real destination in mind (Shou maybe, Shou will let him hide. No one bothers a vampire) when he finds himself yanked back by the shoulder. There's an alarmed squawk and stumble as he tries to twist away, refusing to quite look L in the face.

"Look, L, I'm not stupid," He tries to pull away, still backpedaling even now. "I've done this song and dance before. You're trying to break it easy, I get it, but all you're doing is dragging it out. Least you could do is tell me to get lost to my face rather than." A vague gesture in the direction of the room he'd just left. "Whatever the hell all of that is."

He's furious, he's hurt, and saying a lot more than he'd have liked. He knows it, but it comes spilling out anyway. You want him gone, L, he's gone, that's all it would have taken. Not humiliating him in front of your new friend first.

So that attempt at salvaging something has obviously failed. Big surprise. He's never been any good at this. He's never had an actual friend in his life; he's supposed to handle delicate situations how, exactly?

This is such a disaster; he has no idea what to do.

He wants to run himself. But Tony and Lazarus are probably talking in the hallway and he would have to go past them to escape. His suddenly showing up would not help anything. He should let them talk. He'll just . . . sit here by himself for now. Not touching the food or drink, just curling his hair around his fingers.

Tony's seething outburst is the last thing that L expects, and his dark eyes widen when he hears to the boy's thoughts so candidly stated.

"You're not stupid, I..."

He's honestly stunned, speechless for a few beats as his mouth just hangs slightly open. When he closes it, his shock is replaced by his own shadow of hurt.

"Listen to yourself. You think I'm trying to leave you? I'm trying..." he shakes his head restlessly. "I'm trying to make sure you're never going to be left. I want you to have other people in your life, not because I want to leave, but because I... I don't want to say it but I can't just walk off a bullet to the face, Tony! I can barely walk off pneumonia, on a bad day I can't even trust my own senses to tell me what's real. I don't want to hurt you, or scare you, or break your heart, but someday it's probably going to happen, and I need to know that you have a future, even if I'm not there."

He points a finger, firmly, back toward the room where Nathan waits alone and fretting with the cooling pizzas.

"You've grown so much since I hired you to work at Espresso Yourself. I'm proud of you every day, and I need you to give Nathan the chance I gave you. I need to know that you're ready to start being a man, and a leader, and that I can trust you to put aside childish things. I know I'm not wrong, so what will it take to convince you?"

He takes Tony by his other shoulder, looking him square in the face.

"He's alone, like you were. He has no one, like you did. He and I are practically strangers, despite everything. I told him you were kind and reliable and you've been saving my life since I met you. Don't make me a liar, don't do that to me."

Edited 2015-01-30 05:37 (UTC)

Just... just let go. That's all Tony can think of, is just let him go. Don't build him up and crush him, he's been battered and broken enough, hasn't he? This is cruel. And reminding him that he can't die doesn't exactly help the situation, that just reminds him further that he's always going to be alone and won't be able to do anything to change it.

"You haven't spoken to me in weeks," He spits defensively, refusing to believe L's reasoning behind this. You can't just force these things to happen, L, it doesn't work that way. "You've sure been chummy with someone though. Science books all over. He shares your interests, looks damn near just like you. What am I supposed to think?" Tony thought, that maybe for once he wasn't an intruder in someone else's world. Not so anymore, he knows. It's better L has someone from his own other's past. They'll get along better that way.

And then he drops the guilt bomb. Tony's shoulders slump, and again he tries to pull himself away from L's grasp. He still won't meet his eyes. He knows he's being childish and calling him on it isn't making anything better, it's just making him feel worse. Like his feelings don't matter, he should just bury them and pretend everything is fine until everyone is done with him. You don't have any right to feel this way. You borrowed this all along.

"I don't have anything I can offer you." Nothing that will ever be good enough, anyway. Lift heavy things, screw things up, make everyone panic? Not exactly useful life skills. "You told me he's basically the most important person in the world. I can't hold a candle to that."

He tries to jerk himself away again. What L's asking of him is too much, be a leader? The only thing he can lead is himself into really stupid situations. "Seems like a nice kid, better if I just stay outta the way. You two got more in common then I ever will."

Different worlds, entirely different perspectives. An idiot among geniuses. Why would you keep the slow stupid dog around?

L's hands slip away from Tony's shoulders, and his dark eyes cast toward the wood beneath their shoes.

He pulls Tony into a hug, sighing into his shoulder. Everything in his posture, the distribution of his weight and the bend of his back and neck, say that he is beyond exhausted.

"You're right. I'm sorry; I never should have asked."

He pulls away, drawing his jacket tighter around his thin frame as he keeps his head and eyes down.

"The books were for Cesar. I wanted him to think I was interesting."

Edited 2015-01-30 06:18 (UTC)

Tony's exhausted as well. All this emotion is taxing in ways he's unfamiliar with coping with. Why can't these things be easier? As much as he wants to run far away and never look back, he also doesn't. Despite the horros and suffering Tony's the happiest he's been in years. L has given him so much purpose, a place to belong, and he desperately wants to keep that.

But he didn't think he had that choice anymore.

Still, he doesn't fight the hug, just similarly slumps while dutifully holding up L's weight. It's true, he can't just throw it all away. "I'll stay," he concedes quietly. "If that's what you really want."

A pause then and he finally dares to look L in the face. "Cesar? Is that why you've been quiet?" If that's the case that makes the sting a little less. Petty as it is, it makes Nathan slightly less intimidating.

L's grown to understand, over the last year, that the things worth having are seldom easy.

"Stay," he says softly. "But only if you believe you can try to see it for what it is. You're not losing anyone, you're... potentially gaining a very good friend."

He meets Tony's eyes again, his sad, drawn face still at a slight angle away from him. "Yeah, that's why. We've been spending time together lately, a... little more than usual, I guess."

What is easy, anyway?

"I'll try," He felt a little better, being reassured that he isn't being tossed out or replaced. "I'll do my best."

He'd kinda already made things really awkward but they had been to start. Can the earth just swallow him now please? "We should get back, Nathan's probably wondering what the hell we're doing."

Hm. He doesn't really know what to make of that, but that's cool. Long as L's okay. "Just let me know when you're gonna go silent on me, yeah?" He worries ok.

L watches Tony for several beats, as if trying to decide if it really will be OK to go back. He pats Tony twice on the back, as if commending him for the effort, that being what ultimately matters. If he came up short, it just meant that L would need to pick up the slack with Nathan, going the extra mile to make him feel welcome.

He turns back toward the abandoned pizza party, starting back that way.

"It wasn't my intention to go silent. It's still very new to me, so... I was distracted, and I hadn't realized. In future, I will keep you more informed."

He doesn't choose to say any more about what's going on between himself and Cesar, instead picking up his pace to something a little more brisk. Very soon, they've returned to Nathan and the pizza.

"Sorry about that," he says, personally apologizing to Nathan as though he was the one entirely responsible. "Please... eat," he gestures at the pizzas, because "You're right, they'll get cold."

He makes a point of grabbing a slice for himself and taking at least two willing and enthusiastic bites before he slows down and reverts to pulling the crust apart again.

Edited 2015-01-30 18:36 (UTC)

Nathan has had a lot of time to consider what they're doing, what they're discussing. He hasn't exactly pulled many good ending scenarios out of his head and the ones he has, he considers more wishful thinking than anything. He hadn't really come here expecting to be liked -- he's not likeable, after all -- but a disaster on this level had not been something he'd anticipated.

Two sets of footsteps returning. That's unexpected. He'd thought Tony would have gone off by himself; Nathan would not have blamed him.

When they get back to the room, they will find Nathan exactly as they'd left him: expressionless, staring at his lap, playing with his hair. No, he hasn't moved, save for those thin fingers winding in and out of snowy locks. He looks up at Lazarus' words, blinks in mild surprise at Tony.

He isn't certain quite what's happened . . . but he's glad of it, he thinks. Perhaps it can be salvaged. He untangles his fingers from his hair.

"It's fine." Maybe not, but it's pointless to say otherwise. They should just move on from this.

He follows Lazarus' lead, though with a bit less enthusiasm. But at least he's eating. This is getting back on track, right?

"Alright. I mean, I'm not your babysitter but I worry, you know?" Especially after the pneumonia thing. Tony won't press the issue, he's just happy to know the reason behind the silence.

He'll be alright, everything isn't magically fixed of course but he's feeling a little better and more capable of putting in another effort. Now that he understands L wasn't ignoring him because he'd found a replacement, L was just doing the L thing and getting all wrapped up in whatever it is he was up to. That's more understandable, and definitely something he can deal with more easily.

Tony saunters in after him, a little slower paced and immediately awkward but now for different reasons. Paramount among them his outburst and sudden flight. Talk about embarrassing. "Yeah," He echoes after L. "Sorry. You alright?" Because he sure didn't look alright.

But Tony settled back into his chair, a little more relaxed than he had been. Still wary of Nathan, but curious as well. He's got a lot less reason to see him as a threat now after all. Also pizza because of course he's hungry and was lying about having eaten.

The peaky anxiety is still there when they come back to Nathan, but fortunately, the mood of the room has shifted into something no longer crackling and frenetic. He's grateful for Nathan's willingness to at least superficially forgive and move past what was doubtless incredibly awkward for him, and he's more grateful that Tony is already noticeably trying not to let him down. In so many ways, the effort matters infinitely more than the success.

It's difficult to pick up the thread of the conversation again, however. Did they ever even have one to begin with? This is, apparently, the downside of getting three very anxious, somewhat awkward people in a room together without a more socially graceful arbiter.

"So maybe... it might be good to all say who we are and something interesting about ourselves," L suggests, thinking back to the routine of college and the rituals of syllabus day. "I'm Lazarus Lawliet, and I... like... sterile surfaces."

Why did that sound so horrible out loud?

"...I mean Muppets."

"I am fine. But thank you."

It's difficult to tell whether he really is fine or not. His tone doesn't change, and whether by nature or circumstance, Nathan is a very subdued person. Either way, he's certainly willing to try and put the awkwardness aside so that this meeting doesn't become a fantastic failure. Nobody wants this to fail.

But no, they hadn't had a thread of conversation. At least not one that could have comfortably included Tony at that point. And Tony's inclusion is important in all of this.

"... I fail to see why the self-introductions are necessary, being that we each already know the others' names." There is no criticism in his voice; just a calm, simple logic. But he takes a couple bites of pizza, considering his own answer. "But I appreciate wood-carvings."

Is that interesting? He doesn't know. But it's something neither of them know about him. It can't be worse than Lazarus expressing his fondness for sterile surfaces, at any rate.

It's still tense, but less so. Tony is trying his hardest to be friendly and inclusive, even though a large part of him would still rather avoid this whole thing entirely. It's too awkward, too forced, there's no way to make this happen organically here. But Tony will try to flow with it.

At least Nathan is good at hiding his own distress, though there are little tells that still make it apparent he's uncomfortable, even if it isn't betrayed in his tone. Tony watches people, and body language speaks a lot louder than tone, especially when he himself employs the monotone drawl technique. It works well enough.

L gets a funny look for his confession, Tony knew, of course, but really that's what you came up with? Come on, L.

Not that Tony has any better ideas. At least Nathan lightens the mood a little bit with pragmatism. "Heh, he's got a point, you know," He murmurs, chewing on some pizza. It has gotten a little cold, bummer. But now it's Tony's turn and he fidgets, he doesn't really know what to say. Two geniuses he has to try to impress, one likes wood-carving and the other likes... sterile surfaces. Why the hell is he nervous again?

"Uh. I like... cats, I guess?" Sure, cats, cats are good. Right. God not having any real hobbies to brag about kind of sucks. Never mind he painted sunsets all over the school.

It's bad, isn't it? This is no less forced and awkward than it is on syllabus day, and Lazarus is painfully aware of it. On the best of days, every single person here has just enough social graces to get by, and on a bad day, they're faltering badly. Lazarus is starting to think that this must be, undeniably, a pretty bad day for all of them. When Nathan points out how unnecessary the exercise is, a pink tinge appears in Lazarus' cheeks despite it pointedly not being criticism, but they forge onward anyway.

At least their answers are basically as lame as his own. Are they an elite team of superdetectives, or the weirdest of the weird? Are they both? Cats and wood carvings...

"So, it... sounds like we all have a lot in common."

Not at all, actually, judging by that limited and vastly unrelated information.

"OK, maybe it doesn't sound that way, but I know it's true. If you guys both want to change the world for the better, and you're willing to cooperate, that's all I need from you."

This very much seems to be a very bad day for all of them, yes. When a stilted, bizarre conversation like this means they are doing comparatively well? That is an absolutely dreadful day.

His eyes slide over to Lazarus when he states they have a lot in common. And he just stares blankly for a few seconds because the statement is so utterly ridiculous. There had been no overlap in that information. He can't have been serious. Had that been an attempt at a joke?

"I have no issue with co-operation."

That sounds so hideously inadequate somehow. Something like this should be more profound, should it not?

Don't mind Tony's quiet laugh of amused surprise at the 'we have a lot in common' statement. Even he could see that the statement was utterly ridiculous, but found it more humorous than anything. Everyone is trying really hard here, and failing miserably. Even L, whom Tony knows for a fact can conjure up some rather impressive charisma, has fallen into the incredibly awkward trap.

It is a really, really bad day.

"I don't think that was ever in question," That wasn't really the goal to this meeting, though, was it? Not just ensuring their cooperation, L had to know that was present without asking. No, he was expecting more. "But that's not what this little get-together is about." They could have just as easily spoken over the network to establish that.

"Say, Nathan, why don't you tell us a little about your wood carving?"

Guess it's up to Tony to pretend to know how to people.

Lazarus turns a slow glance on Nathan at his stilted, slightly frosty-sounding words. He's agreeing, and that's good, but is there any way he could sound less... robotic about it?

He's pretty sure he has an ancient, slightly moldy game of Hungry Hungry Hippos upstairs, and he is seriously and truly considering going to retrieve it as a last-ditch icebreaker when Tony speaks up. And his tense face actually relaxes, breaking into a pale, but genuine smile.

Thanks for coming through, Tony.

There is indeed something wrong with the way he'd said that, then, given the look Lazarus is giving him. However, he isn't sure what else he'd been supposed to say on the matter and the answer had been an honest one. Perhaps he should just leave it alone.

But Tony is right, isn't he? That's not what this meeting is for. And now he . . . has to do the talking. This should work out splendidly. Finish the slice of pizza first. That should give him time to figure out what to say.

"It is . . . something I've only taken up recently and am teaching myself." He re-plays internet instructional videos in his mind; is this a problem? He remembers those things perfectly. "I'm still refining the technique on a few basic cuts, haven't tried shaping anything specific yet . . ."

He thinks he may actually be boring even himself here. That couldn't be good. Honestly, once he says it, it hardly sounds very interesting at all.

It's like fighting a blizzard with a blow torch in here, but Tony's determined. He'll do his best to not let L down, even if right now all attempts seem to be falling horrifically flat. Okay, come on, he talked to the reporters and actually kind of hit the tiniest bit of empathy in one, surely he can manage this?

Maybe?

Shh, Nathan no, it's fine. Tony leans forward, and though he's not sure how L is taking it he does look genuinely interested. "Technique? I have to admit I've never really delved into that sort of thing. Sculptures and stuff. When you do get around to trying to make something what'll be your first project you think?"

This kind of thing actually is pretty interesting even if Nathan is the most awkward about describing it.

Lazarus is all for people being who they are without putting pressure on them to change; that being said, it's a strain sometimes to watch awkwardness in action. Just because Lazarus contributes actively to that awkwardness doesn't mean for a second that he's not aware of or immune to it. Though wood-carving isn't thrilling by any stretch of the imagination, at least the boy's talking, and he nods emphatically in an effort to look interested and encouraging, and he's relieved and pleased to see Tony making the same efforts. Heck, his interest looks so genuine it might be.

"I've heard that duck whistles make good first projects. They have a simple, clean shape, so it seems like they'd be good for practicing beginners' cuts."

Yes, he's talking and he'd rather like to stop now, even if from what he has observed, there may be genuine interest on Tony's part. There is too much attention on him. No, he is not going to curl his fingers into his hair again; they're greasy from the pizza and that would be unsanitary.

He feels he owes the answer, at least. "Actually, there are more simplistic designs of chess sets that are suitable for practicing the basic cuts, if one has the patience. And I do. Why cats?"

Why yes he's just clumsily blundered over to that with no proper transition. He needs to quit talking for now, get the focus away from himself. It's Tony's turn.

He likes art and art related things, wood carving falls under that. Sorry, L, it's more interesting than sterile surfaces. "That would be kind of cool. Playing chess with pieces you made yourself? L said he was going to teach me sometime." Yeah, L, whatever happened to that?

Well everyone got busy and Tony kept smashing his face into death so there was that.

Cats? Okay, he can take the hint. "Why not cats?" Okay no that isn't fair Tony play nice. He doesn't really want to talk about this but... "I had one when I was little... before everything went to shit. Well, family cat, that sort of thing. And I'd pick up strays every now and then when I was on the streets. They were good at keeping the rats away." Which was important when you didn't want what few things you had turned into rat nests, or food you might have horded stolen away.

Lazarus has little doubt that Nathan does in fact possess the patience for such a venture; much like himself, he doesn't seem to be put-off by repetitive or seemingly tedious tasks for periods of time that would drive others up the wall. Whether this is an indicator of incredible discipline or a deeper problem. The transition, or lack thereof, is a little jarring, but at least Nathan is trying to make conversation. L reminds himself that he needs to be grateful for small things like this.

He pinches the bridge of his nose when Tony mentions learning how to play chess, quirking a brow. Well, now that your brain's mended itself, let's get on that immediately, he'd say if he was in a snarkier mood. Instead, he just allows Nathan and Tony to talk. It's going decently, he thinks. He hopes.

"You should get another cat," he suggests. "Richard's not allergic, is he? Maybe Nathan could come over and pet it sometime."

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I've Told a Million Lies but Now I Tell a Single Truth [January 27, Closed]

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