You Told Me Something That Scared Me to Death [Closed, backdated to December 3]

[dead_black_eyes]

Who: Lazarus "L" Lawliet and Tony Sparado
What: Two friends take some downtime to talk about recent events.
When: Backdated to December 3, two days after this nasty business
Where: Willow Ridge Surveillance Center
Warnings: Talk of suicide



It had been a tense couple of days. L had been preparing for the old school to be used as a sort of base obsessively, but his careful planning and arranging for hosting and heading future mission controls at his basement intelligence center had been interrupted by a terrible accident. Well... accident was putting it generously. From L's point of view, it had been a deliberate enough act, despite claims that the Mafia thug in question had been scared and too used to being a lousy shot to think that his bullet would actually hit its mark. He was no fan of Luca Dantonio; had he been there, he felt it was unlikely he would have taken mercy on him with Tony lying prone just a few feet away, having had a bullet tear through his grey matter.

L was still trying to come to terms with his feelings on a lot of what had happened that night. He toweled his face dry after rinsing it quickly with some cold water, but when he met his own eyes in the mirror, they were drawn quickly to a vibrant bruise across his cheek bone. It took relatively little for his pale skin to bruise, and Tony's flailing blow had connected strangely, but enough to leave a mark. More for the poor kid to feel guilty over, if he saw it... L idly wondered if it would be too transparent to ask a girl over the network about concealer tips, but ultimately decided against it, considering it a misuse of such a valuable resource. He'd just have to suck it up and hope that it faded quickly.

The upside of being thorough with preparations was that things got done and were consequently in order for when they were needed. The downside was that L found himself, for the first time in a long time, with no immediate job to do. He pulled his room's chair toward the window, cracked it open, and lit a cigarette. Maybe at some point he'd try to make the dorm room he'd claimed for himself a little more comfortable than bare white walls and Xander's sleeping bag lying directly on the boarding school's original rusty twin bed frame. For all his intellect, though, L didn't know the first thing about comfort.

Comments

[dead_black_eyes]

"Honestly, you've probably still got some growing to do. Most men have, at your age," L said, perhaps somewhat wistfully. He looked much like someone who had missed out on that last big growth spurt; his height wasn't pitiful, but his musculature looked underdeveloped and odd for a man in his mid-twenties. "So make sure you're getting enough to supplement it... if you decide you want to go on more dates in the future, you'll like not being scrawny. What are you in the mood for? I'll treat you."

[oncedevil]

"You think so?" Tony actually sounded a little hopeful, glancing down at his less than impressive self. He'd put on some mass and muscle since he'd started living with Richard, but he was still quite short. A few months of eating wouldn't fix that right away. Although, admittedly, the hunger didn't quite feel like normal. But maybe he was just looking for ghosts in every corner these days.

Probably nothing.

"Dates?" What? L? Are you mad? Who would he even date? "Meat," That answer came a little fast and probably a bit strange. "Uh, I mean, if you are. That's cool." No, really, he could really use a steak you have no idea L.

[dead_black_eyes]

"Definitely. Some people just wind up short, but my feeling is you'll end up taller than me. Maybe not as tall as Richard. It's hard to say, but that's what I think. And yeah... why not dates? If that's what you decide you want to do, there's absolutely no reason you shouldn't pursue it."

He laughed lightly at Tony's too-quick answer. "OK, I can take a hint. Let's go to one of those places with shit all over the walls, they usually have 'meat'."

[oncedevil]

"You think so?" Tony glanced down at himself, expression dubious. It'd been a long time since he'd grown any, why would that change now? "I dunno, man. A one-eyed albino with anger issues? I'm not exactly prime real-estate. More like a run-down back alley."

Which kind of fit considering he used to sleep in those a lot. Ah well, he'd just don his forever alone hat and deal with it. But yes, food, put food in him he needs it. "Heh..." Yeah now he felt like an idiot. Actually no, he'd felt like an idiot all day that hasn't changed. More of an idiot, yes.

[dead_black_eyes]

"I've got a pretty good hunch, yeah," L said with an affable shrug. "And I think I've said this before, but you sell yourself short. Very few people are 'prime real estate,' and yet a lot of them find people who can make them happy. If you can have friends, you can have more-than friends."

He nodded, half-relieved and half-eager to hear that Tony was all for his suggestion of getting decent food. "Great. I'll go get my coat and wallet and we'll work on getting you fed."

He was back within five minutes with the items. "Called a cab and everything, but we have to walk down the street a little ways to catch it. I'm still trying to keep this location more-or-less secret... you understand."

[oncedevil]

"Hnph, right. 'Cept those people aren't turning into demons," He said pointedly. Friends were fine, and really he was more than happy with what he had. But anything beyond that was unthinkable. He was just not dating material. Which was okay, he did have his friends and he loved the hell out of them, Tony wouldn't trade them for the world.

Yes, feed him, he is a ravenous bottomless pit right now. All that healing took a lot of energy and materials.

Tony waited patiently, hands stuffed in his pockets as he just paced around to burn off some extra energy. He felt a little better after that breakdown, but he also felt kind of exhausted. Like he'd run a marathon or something. "Hm? Alright, yeah, that's fine. Can't blame you." Might as well try to keep the place on the down low for now. It was wise.

[dead_black_eyes]

L doesn't comment when Tony brings up that he's turning into a demon; there's only so far it's logical to argue such things, especially where he, himself, has no experience. Figurative demons and literal ones can be compared sometimes in logical and constructive ways, but other times... it's better to let matters rest.

He headed out the door, holding it for Tony as he started toward the street. Two blocks later, a cab was waiting for them.

"When was the last time you ate, anyway?" Not that L thought that Richard would intentionally let Tony go hungry, but something he does know from experience is that it's very possible to pull the wool over a guardian's eyes if one wants to badly enough.

[oncedevil]

Precisely, and honestly Tony was glad L let it drop. He still wasn't comfortable with the matter, it was a lot to deal with. He knew this... thing had a lot to do with why he was acting the way he was. But it was also why he was able to survive things like a bullet to the head.

Talk about a conundrum.

Tony followed swiftly after, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he walked. "Huh? Couple hours I guess. Not that long." He's just eating a lot right now. As much wool as he has been pulling over Richard's eyes, or at least failing to let him see past, food is one thing the kid wouldn't forget. If food is available he will eat it, you won't even have to ask him twice.

[dead_black_eyes]

"A couple hours isn't so bad," replies L, seeming surprised and more than a little amused. "That settles it, you are growing, or getting ready to go through a hell of a spurt."

He gestures toward the approaching headlights, climbing into the taxi as soon as it pulls up alongside them.

[oncedevil]

"You really think so, huh?" Tony still had his doubts, maybe he was just having a weird metabolism thing. Even so, he would like to be a little taller. So for the sake of being optimistic and hopeful he wouldn't completely disregard L's theory. However unlikely as it was.

Tony scrambles in after him, ducking down to avoid having to watch the street as is customary for him once they were both settled in. He could face down a bullet, but driving still freaked him out.

[dead_black_eyes]

"Yeah. Really," L smiles as Tony follows him into the cab. The smile fades slightly as he notices how tense the young man is.

"I don't know if this helps or not, but you have to go through a lot of very rigorous certification to be a taxi driver," he offers, hoping it might reassure him somewhat.

[oncedevil]

"I figured," Tony tries to return the smile weakly, but his nervousness remains apparent. As many terrible things that have happened to them, cars were still the thing that frightened him most. He knew, logically, that it was silly, but logic and reason aren't always the ruling forces in one's mind. "But that doesn't mean everyone else does."

It was another driver that had hit his parents after all.

[dead_black_eyes]

"It's not rational," L says. "But that doesn't make what you feel about it wrong. Anyone who's experienced trauma knows that it takes a long time to fade, and it leaves scars. What helps?" he asks gently.

[oncedevil]

His shoulders hunched further at the first part, Tony knowing full well that it isn't rational and having that pointed out doesn't help to make him feel any less awful. He relaxes slightly as L continues, realizing that he's not being reprimanded. "Not looking," Which is why he hunches down as he does. "And no sudden stops." Richard did that once and Tony was inconsolable for the rest of the ride.

[dead_black_eyes]

He's certainly not being reprimanded or even lightly judged. L has a decent understanding of these things; he's no therapist, but he's certainly seen a few, and can mimic their patterns to an extent that might be comforting to someone who hasn't yet seen enough of them.

"If not looking helps, then don't look," he suggests, nodding to the driver to assure him that everything is OK. "We're all right... do you mind taking the stops a little slower?"

[oncedevil]

That might be something to look into at some point, a good therapist who knew how to work with troubled young adults. Tony never really had that opportunity, and he only made it worse with his own actions over time.

"S'why I don't," He murmurs, still pointedly keeping his gaze at the floor and back of the seats in front of them. It's just easier this way. "You'd think I'd be over it by now." Never mind you don't really "get over" things like that.

[dead_black_eyes]

L has seen enough to know which ones to recommend and which ones to steer clear of. He's had very troubled stretches of time in his tumultuous life, and still grapples with their ghosts and aftermath.

"Grief and trauma affect people differently," he shrugs, eyes forward, voice patient. "You're not nearly as abnormal as I'm afraid you believe yourself to be, sometimes... whether that's a relief or a disappointment is entirely up to you."

[oncedevil]

Perhaps L could point him in the right direction. Help him avoid anyone who would only make his problems worse, since now Tony is dealing with being Numbered and a demon on top of early traumas.

"Hm," He considers it for a time, to his credit not bracing too much or digging into the seat when they start moving. This is why he prefers to walk everywhere if he can, or take the bus. Busses just don't feel the same. "Dunno how to feel about that. Kinda messed up other people gotta feel like this, you know?" He doesn't want to say it, but it's slightly reassuring that he's not alone.

Even if that means terrible things.

[dead_black_eyes]

"Messed up, but it's good to know you're not alone," L says gently. "That other people know what it's like and you're not just some freak. I went through it the first time I ended up in White Pines, and I admit... I wasn't happy to meet other people with my disorders. They repulsed me so much, but... it didn't take long for me to realize that other people saw me that way and that was all it took for us to become something like friends."

[oncedevil]

"Yeah, it is," Difficult as it is, Tony agrees. Being alone makes everything infinitely more difficult to handle. Every step is heavier, harder to endure, and more likely to crush you if you failed. "Did they?" L's were different than Tony's, but ultimately could he say he wouldn't react the same faced with someone who shared his own fears and insecurities? A mirror back on all of his glaring weaknesses? "What was it like in there? With everyone going through something like yourself?"

[dead_black_eyes]

L closes his eyes for a second, thinking back to it. He was there for a long time; he came to consider it his home, even if the reality was more like being a bug caught in amber, frozen in the sticky mess of a life interrupted.

"Probably not like you've imagined, or how movies like to convey it," Lazarus says. "My ward wasn't high security or anything. There weren't restraints or padded rooms or anything. We were all medicated but we were people... even if I'm not proud of how long it took me to believe that. It's probably why it took me so long to get out of there."