savetheearth | Entry #A-15: "Accomplishments" [Video]

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Entry #A-15: "Accomplishments" [Video]

[Lazarus' number is written on a blackboard with a piece of chalk, opening a connection to the network. Dim light streams in through the high, dusty windows, falling on broken-down desks in a decrepit, once-grand lecture hall. A broom leans in the corner, along with several trash bags; Lazarus himself is wearing crummy clothes and more than a little breathless and sweaty. You would be too, if you'd been working on solo renovations for hours.]

If any of you are familiar with the building that was formerly the Willow Ridge Boarding Academy in Locke City... like back in the 1970's... it's ours now. It was briefly a linen processing facility but it wound up being foreclosed on when the company went bankrupt, so I went ahead and bought it from the bank. Under a different name, of course.

[He takes a second to shrug out of his sweater, draping it across one of the desks.]

The building's big, with a spacious basement. I want to move Project Jump as soon as possible to this new location, since both I and Espresso Yourself are too well-known at this point and I don't think it's safe for it to remain. I can rent a truck but the more discreet the move is, the better. It has to happen very soon. In the meantime... I'm going to continue to work on renovations. Security. Furnishing accommodations... on that note, if anyone has any computer monitors, servers or any other equipment they're willing to sell or donate, I'm more than interested.

[He returns to what he was doing before he opened the connection, which is, apparently, using an axe to break apart unsalvageable desks and bagging up the resulting debris to clear some space.]

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[L and Richard know each other, and there is mutual respect there... but kind of respect that honors boundaries, rather than calling bullshit and kicking them over for the greater good. L knows that he can rely on Richard to leave him alone when he asks, that he can in fact rely on Richard to do or bring anything he asks for. The problem is that L doesn't like to ask for things, and his moments of greatest need tend to also be his most silent. Richard helps him, and Richard is his friend, but those boundaries remain in a lot of ways. Reading Richard's book is a way to get to know the Richard the public is familiar with, a good starting point to understanding where those boundaries could someday begin and end. So far, he's still very uncertain.

His pace is brisk as he heads into a classroom, which is one of the worst ones. It smells like mold and bleach, the latter scent largely overwhelming the first. It's easy to see why this kind of work would appeal to the cleanliness-obsessed detective; he is literally healing the rot and decay that horrifies and disgusts him with abrasive chemicals that are harsh, and therefore effective.]

This has dried out well. I think the drywall can definitely go up today.

[He stifles a cough into his sleeve; unsurprisingly, he's given little thought to toxic mold, bleach inhalation, or proper ventilation. There isn't a filter mask in sight.]

...so, then you went to a different school? No school at all?

[He starts lining up the panels; he's interested, but single-minded. This project has become his work, religion and lover all in one.]

Don't know if they coulda found a school to take me.

[He says it as a matter of fact. It was something that L would find out when he read further, anyway, and his having asked that gives Richard a good gauge of exactly how far he's got.]

Parents kicked me out when I was sixteen, anyways.

[That, too, is a simple fact. It hardly bothers him anymore. Looking back on it, he knows why they did it, even if he could never really agree with the route they took.

They'd never expected him to run off to Texas.]

After that, it was just me.

There's always a school to take troubled kids. That's the plan for this one, you know... when we don't need it anymore, I want it to be a real school again, the kind that would enroll the kids who everyone else has given up on.

[He leans a cheek against the drywall, as if listening for a pulse, before turning and positioning a nail against the smooth white surface.]

Texas is an interesting choice. Probably not the first one I'd make if I was leaving, especially if I knew I'd be alone.

Seemed like a good place t' get lost in. I wasn't really plannin' on ever coming back.

[He watches L a few moments longer before he steps forwards to join him, picking up a piece of the drywall.]

I was stupid. 'S mostly all there is to it.

Just being stupid doesn't make for a very interesting story, and if you wrote about it in a book, there has to be more to it.

[He moves aside, making room for Richard.]

Careful. There's a lot of dust that gets stirred up when we do this, but I don't have any masks.

Maybe I prefer to downplay it so I don't gotta talk about it too much.

[It's not too difficult to nail up piece of drywall, but he nods to the very valid warning.]

Gotcha. I'll try not to breathe in.

I don't want you to feel like you have to talk about anything. I ask because I'm interested, but there are other ways to fill the silence.

[He coughs again into his sleeve before reaching for several nails, placing them at the corner of his mouth for better accessibility as he begins hammering.]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

That sounds nice, but it's complete bullshit.

[And, really, he thinks that L knows that. Richard doesn't look his way but it's clear from the subtle tilt of his body that all his attention is on the other man, save for what he needs to aim a hammer and hit a nail straight.]

What doesn't kill you can put you on your knees and fuckin' keep you there.

Only if you let it keep you down. You wrote a book all about overcoming, so you know it's possible.

[He pauses to hammer in a nail, the sound loud enough to drown out any words spoken during the interlude.]

It might be too idealistic to be completely true, but there's truth to it. I wouldn't be here if there wasn't.

Sure, it's possible.

[There's a lot in that book. More than he ever really intended to include, but there's a lot missed out, too. Some things he never moved past that were too much to put down on paper.

That's probably why he's frowning so hard at the wall.]

But nothin' was ever gained by only seeing one side of the coin.

You talk like you think it's possible for some and not for others. Maybe for you, but not for me?

[The words are spoken without judgment.]

You've seen me in some pretty low places, Richard, but I'm actually pretty capable. I haven't won all my battles, or the same ones you have, but it's not like I've written a book on the subject. Most people don't know or guess what I have overcome, because that's the side of the coin they see.

You're readin' things into my words that aren't there, L. Wasn't talking about you.

[He's trying to keep the tension out of his voice and though it's not directed at L, it's there as he knocks a nail into the drywall.]

I'm not gonna assume what battles you've won and which ones you ain't, but if we're talkin' about 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', then sure, there's a sort of truth in it, but believin' it entirely is puttin' blind faith in a platitude. [He lines up another nail.] That's what I'm sayin'. Sometimes it don't matter if someone don't want to let something keep them down. It keeps them down anyway. 'Cuz life's a fuckin' bitch that way.

My mistake.

[It's an apology without truly being one; he keeps his eyes on the plaster, speaks it almost casually.]

It just seems like a bleak outlook for someone who keeps the company you do. On the bright side... I guess it's difficult for people to let you down.

I prefer to think of it as bein' realistic.

[It sounds better than pessimism, anyway. Richard pauses to rub his nose, taking a step back from the plasterboard to sniff slightly.]

And it ain't, but it's less of a kick in the balls when it happens.

One of the things they really try to drive home in therapy is that the secret to happiness is having realistic expectations. But "realistic" is a big problem for a lot of people, period...

[He rubs absentmindedly at his wrist for a second. Though Octavia healed him, his scars are still there.]

So, if you weren't talking about me... who's let you down, that way? Other than yourself... you maintain pretty firmly that what happened to you was your fault.

Heh. It was.

[He frowns to himself again, idly scratching against his temple with the side of the hammer.]

But I was a kid. A fuckin' stupid kid, but just a kid. You get me?

[Richard let himself down, that much is for certain, but he hadn't exactly had that many hands reaching down to pull him back up.]

Yeah. I get you.

[The response sounds automatic, like he knows it's expected, rather than genuine. This is an area where their experiences are very different; L's made some bad choices, but by the time he got around to seriously sabotaging himself, he'd been screwed over majorly by people he'd formerly trusted.]

Kids are capable of more than people give them credit for, though. Whether it's messing things up or fixing them. When I was "just" a kid, I felt exactly the same as I do now... I'm just bigger now, and afraid of different things.

We ain't the same people.

[Different experiences, even if some of the bases they touched were the same. He fixes the plasterboard in place and steps back slightly.]

I was capable of plenty, and all it got me into was more trouble than I could handle. I was just lucky I got out before it got me dead.

No, we aren't. I see our differences more and more, as we associate.

[He steps back and away to survey the wall, further than Richard, crossing his arms over his chest as he studies their handiwork.]

Yes, that was very lucky for you. I'm glad it turned out that way.

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Entry #A-15: "Accomplishments" [Video]

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